[Carla_bxx]

ok this is a really long and complicated story but i really need some help or advice...i want to start by saying that i dont want to be with my ex i hate him!!..no i hate myself for what i let him do to me but i just cant stay away from him...from the start...im 24 he is 26 we met at work he swept me off my feet and we were both completley in love he brought me presents everyday and treated me like a complete princess all his family said he adored me and they liked me too and said i was his best girlfriend. We moved way to quick he was kicked out of his mums house and my mum was moving in with her boyfriend so she allowed him to move into our family home( i had lived there all my life) everything was great we were soo happy a few months into the relationship i realised that he was dealing cocaine. i did not agree with this and had never taken drugs & hated the thought of it, he was not taking it and i was completley in love with him so i pushed it to one side & i did not get involved. 1 day he asked me to try it i said no numerous times but he insisted so i did & now we have been doing it at least 3 times a week ever since!!..a few months after he moved in i found out he was on dating websites literally hundreds of girls i was devastated he moved out and my mum had to rent our house out, again i was gutted i moved in with my nan (a strict catholic) and lost my whole security blanket my family are very controlling and i cannot even go to the shops without telling them even though im 24!! i was still angry but i gave him another chance..my life began spiriling out of control he said i was clingy and needy and cheated on me.. by now i was so depressed by my life i forgave him!! again said he would change..then one day he flipped he was screaming in my face infront of his family that i was a "****" and a "*****" and the girl he slept with was better than me..i was so embarrased we split up after this and i began to rebuild my life but i found out my mum had cancer i was distraught as i am so close to my mum - just me my mum and sister all my life.. so i turned to him he again promised it would change and said he had missed me and loved me & he booked us a luxuary holiday..then my mum had her operation booked the week of the holiday i told him to take his friend he did and swore on her life he would behave he called me everyday off his own back and i didnt question him or nag him when he got back he was acting like it was when we met like he was so in love. my mum was extremley poorly and he was being supportive then 2 days ago i found his holiday photos...he was cheating the whole holiday!! he then blamed me for looking and told me to get out of his house and has finished with me...i feel so low nobody understands my mum and family do not know we have been together the last few months i did not want to upset them with all that is going on i am finding this sooo hard i cant keep up this front and now he is just being vile to me!! i am trying not to contact him but finding it so hard. i HATE MYSELF for being so weak i used to be such a happy attractive person that made friends easy now i have no friends and feel so lonely i have nothing!! what should i do please please give me some advice i feel so low

[Euphoric]

i want to start by saying that i dont want to be with my ex i hate him!!..no i hate myself for what i let him do to me but i just cant stay away from him.

You realize that this is not a healthy relationship. You are angry with him for making you feel worthless and encouraging you to do things that you know are not healthy. Manipulation is a form of abuse. You need to ask yourself if this is the way you want to live the rest of your life? It is not uncommon to feel swept off of your feet early in a relationship, especially when someone is treats you like a queen. People normally can put up a good front for a little while, but then their true color come shining through.

i found his holiday photos...he was cheating the whole holiday

Do you always want to be his second, third, or fourth choice? You have found out that he is on dating websites along with physical proof that he is cheating on you. Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you are constantly looking over your shoulder wondering if he has been out with someone else. There is obviously no trust in this relationship.

i HATE MYSELF for being so weak i used to be such a happy attractive person that made friends easy now i have no friends and feel so lonely i have nothing!!

Only you have the power to make the decision to change your lifestyle. If you feel that you were once a happy attractive person who made friends easily, you can fight your inner demons to overcome your current lifestyle and return to the life you once had. It won't be easy, especially with a drug habit to overcome. But you can get help and surround yourself with people who love and care about you, people who will help you achieve your goals rather than set you back.

You have seen first hand that he is not going to change. As a matter of fact, he will only treat you worse because each time you have turned back to him, that is what he has done.

You need to learn to love yourself enough to be proactive and make wise decisions. Don't give someone else the power to control you or your destiny.

Best Wishes

[BabyGirl]

I'm hoping I don't offend you, but I had to spread your post into Paragraphs as to understand where one Thought/ Subject Ended and the other Started.

I'm not sure what you are looking for here ?

It seems that you got caught up in Drugs and The Drug Life . And at a Young Age too .
There are only a couple of things you can do now.

Get Clean, Stay Clean, Start New !! Even if it means moving away or into a Treatment Center or staying with your Nan.

i moved in with my nan (a strict catholic) and lost my whole security blanket my family are very controlling and i cannot even go to the shops without telling them even though im 24!!

You Family is probably Saving your Life , They are probably your Only " Security Blanket " and have most likely been your Only REAL Security Blanket .
You are Lucky to have them, Especially at 24.
Because you could be Dead or in Prison.

It is time to seek a Real Treatment and Real love of Self and a Real Recovery . Not Drug Love, Not Addition Love .
Time to decide, yes or no, is your love of yourself and those of your (Family ) worth this Guy, Worth this Loss, or is it Worth being a New and Repaired You .