Depressed because of 'best friend'..long post sorry :(
I'm sorry I can't make it short, I must let it all out...
When I moved into a small town and a new school I noticed everyone was very selfish and fake.
The way I grew up, I have no idea how to act with people like that so I wanted to make friends that aren't fake since I get hurt easily. There was K that was also new in the town and she barely knew the language and the mentality here, she came from the same country where I grew up so we were very similar. Of course we became good friends and everything went great for us.
Everyone envied our friendship and at an early stage M and Y became a part of 'our group'. As high school girls, there were always fights and problems, but only with M and Y, they were being rude and selfish so many times, showing their true face and K always talked to me about that, we both agreed about everything.
K and me were in such a strong friendship that we didn't argue even once in the 4 years in high school. We got rid of M and Y at some point because they were very manipulative and jealous girls, they sort of ruined our day at school but we had eachother.
We went through first loves together, through heartbreaks, family problems, girl problems - everything. She was weak at studying, I'd help her study to exams and made many school works/homework for her. Our relationship was so strong yet easy, it didn't push on any of us, wasn't heavy and annoying. At some point we actually didn't see a point in going out not together.
An important detail is that she loves to go out, she's a very beautiful girl and she loves being in the center of attention. I always talked nicely of her, when people would say how beautiful she was I always smiled and agreed. When I had my first serious boyfriend, I didn't want her to feel alone, I actually took her EVERYWHERE literally with us. Every event, birthday party of HIS friends, anything. I didn't want her to think that it would change something in our relationship for a minute.
At the last year of high school, when the final exams came up, something started to change.
She became friends with some fat guy that has a really fancy car, she'd just hang out with him and his friends which are using light drugs and are just a bunch of spoiled kids who sit all day and night in the neighborhood doing nothing.
While I was studying for the exams all day she was going out the night before the exam with them and wouldn't show up the next morning.
Her mother called me crying asking me to talk to her since she didn't know how to anymore. K was always a good kid helping her mother out at everything, suddenly she became some kind of a rebel - late teenage rebelity maybe?
School ended, from then we became a little far from eachother. She kept hanging out with those guys, that at the end ruined her reputation, talked bad of her. But she respected those bags-of-nothing so much and kept being so sweet to them and tried to ignore the fact of the reputation (rep is important here because it's a very small town and everything gets to everyone including family too fast).
I started going out with her less, since she'd hang out with those boys and it would make problems for me with my boyfriend. She didn't care, she'd always choose them. Later came the time when we'd go out and she'd like some guy, but for some reason he'd flirt with me even though he knew I have a boyfriend. At some point she was just always rude. She never smiled and never appreciated what I do.
She'd come to my house, my mother (that always was there for her too) would start talking to her and she'd just play on her phone and not even answer - show some respect, what the hell?!
I realized she would only respect people that she is afraid of, for example my father is a very strict person, so she'd come tell him hi but not answer my mother (?!). Then I noticed how other girls she'd be friends with hurt her all the time, talk ugly of her, reveal her secrets, and a while after fighting with them she simply started going out with them again. As if she had no feelings at all.
She started fighting with her parents all the time, started talking on a very low and rude language. When someone would compliment me she literally said "Why don't you compliment me?". It was so many things together that I started growing apart from her, since I have no idea how to be fake :S.
I tried making her date my boyfriends friends, it never worked out, either they had nothing to talk about with her or she'd just ruin it by being rude and selfish.
At some point she started dating a guy from that neighborhood group which she'd hang out with. I helped them become a couple. He is a very kind boy. BUT his dad is a criminal in jail and her comes from a very poor family. But he was the only one ready to date her, even though she is gorgeous. So at the beginning she'd always cry to me that he is poor and boring and doesn't have a car or a job. Then she just started going out with him leaving me alone at home (my boyfriend is studying and isn't always available). She would ignore my phone calls so that I don't come as well. She didn't appreciate ANYTHING.
She doesn't have drivers license so many times I'd be like her personal driver, by my own will. So I could pick her up from somewhere to home so that she won't take the bus and at the same day she'd ignore my call to go out with him.
I understood that she is definitely a different person now so I just started going out with another girl and a guy. Suddenly she became friends with M and Y again (from highschool) and they'd go out right near my house and not call me. She became friends with girls she knew that hurt me badly and made my life terrible from their existence in it. So she both ditches me for her boyfriend AND starts doing things to hurt me on purpose?! She updates it all to facebook as if she wants me to see it.
Okay so right now I'm depressed. My boyfriend is studying hard and doesn't have that much time for me for now. My mother tries to calm me down over and over. I understand that it's not worth being hurt at all, she's just not the person I thought she was and I really don't want to ever talk to her again, I don't need such a dirty and fake person in my life. What hurts though is that she knows all my secrets and I'm so sure she's letting it all out without even caring - and for no reason at all! I play an online game ALL DAY to get out of the reality.
I even made some friends on it that makes me feel a little better, but I understand it's just virtual and doesn't really help. I just eat, sleep and play the game - sometimes go out with the new girl and guy. My parents took me to an amazing trip to clear my mind. I enjoyed it a lot there and I didn't think about her during day time, it didn't even hurt me anymore to see her facebook updates. BUT! There was not even ONE night that I didn't dream about her. I dreamt about her every **************** time. That we fight, that we make up, that she hurts me, that she apologies - everything and all the time. While I was gone she immediately became friends with the girl and guy I went out with. As if she doesn't want me to have friends. She added my childhood friend that lives in another country (?!?!?!) and keeps liking her pictures for no reason.
This small town talks about everyones private lives ALL the time. I'm sure she's ruining my reputation and I know that most people are talking about this lately. I don't feel like going out of the house because I've lost faith, everyone is so fake, so rude! Everyone has interests and they can't even hide it and it's grossing me out
. The girl and guy I went out with are also gross people, they have done many bad things (as in hurting people), so I can't take them seriously. I can just go out on a party with them and that's all. I feel really empty and hopeless. I'm now thinking how to study in another town because this one is too primitive and fake.
So I'm basically just killing my time by trying to get out of the real world. I don't want to talk to her because I know it won't change anything, she's a very shallow person, she's cold and she's rude. Guess she wasn't real all high school she just had an interest and it was boys. I helped her get to boys.
We have a work in 3 days, that is paying a lot. She will be there. We haven't talked in 2 months after talking everyday and meeting everyday for 5 years. I have no idea how to act, what to do. I thought of calling her before but she will see it as a weakness - she doesn't appreciate anything, she sees kindness as a weakness and rudeness as something to respect. How should I act?
What can I do to get over this?
I can't see another dream with her in it it's ruining my life, she's just a person that had a part in my life and I understand what a terrible person she is and how she isn't worth even writing this thread, but for some reason it just doesn't stop hurting me!
When I moved into a small town and a new school I noticed everyone was very selfish and fake.
The way I grew up, I have no idea how to act with people like that so I wanted to make friends that aren't fake since I get hurt easily. There was K that was also new in the town and she barely knew the language and the mentality here, she came from the same country where I grew up so we were very similar. Of course we became good friends and everything went great for us.
Everyone envied our friendship and at an early stage M and Y became a part of 'our group'. As high school girls, there were always fights and problems, but only with M and Y, they were being rude and selfish so many times, showing their true face and K always talked to me about that, we both agreed about everything.
K and me were in such a strong friendship that we didn't argue even once in the 4 years in high school. We got rid of M and Y at some point because they were very manipulative and jealous girls, they sort of ruined our day at school but we had eachother.
We went through first loves together, through heartbreaks, family problems, girl problems - everything. She was weak at studying, I'd help her study to exams and made many school works/homework for her. Our relationship was so strong yet easy, it didn't push on any of us, wasn't heavy and annoying. At some point we actually didn't see a point in going out not together.
An important detail is that she loves to go out, she's a very beautiful girl and she loves being in the center of attention. I always talked nicely of her, when people would say how beautiful she was I always smiled and agreed. When I had my first serious boyfriend, I didn't want her to feel alone, I actually took her EVERYWHERE literally with us. Every event, birthday party of HIS friends, anything. I didn't want her to think that it would change something in our relationship for a minute.
At the last year of high school, when the final exams came up, something started to change.
She became friends with some fat guy that has a really fancy car, she'd just hang out with him and his friends which are using light drugs and are just a bunch of spoiled kids who sit all day and night in the neighborhood doing nothing.
While I was studying for the exams all day she was going out the night before the exam with them and wouldn't show up the next morning.
Her mother called me crying asking me to talk to her since she didn't know how to anymore. K was always a good kid helping her mother out at everything, suddenly she became some kind of a rebel - late teenage rebelity maybe?
School ended, from then we became a little far from eachother. She kept hanging out with those guys, that at the end ruined her reputation, talked bad of her. But she respected those bags-of-nothing so much and kept being so sweet to them and tried to ignore the fact of the reputation (rep is important here because it's a very small town and everything gets to everyone including family too fast).
I started going out with her less, since she'd hang out with those boys and it would make problems for me with my boyfriend. She didn't care, she'd always choose them. Later came the time when we'd go out and she'd like some guy, but for some reason he'd flirt with me even though he knew I have a boyfriend. At some point she was just always rude. She never smiled and never appreciated what I do.
She'd come to my house, my mother (that always was there for her too) would start talking to her and she'd just play on her phone and not even answer - show some respect, what the hell?!
I realized she would only respect people that she is afraid of, for example my father is a very strict person, so she'd come tell him hi but not answer my mother (?!). Then I noticed how other girls she'd be friends with hurt her all the time, talk ugly of her, reveal her secrets, and a while after fighting with them she simply started going out with them again. As if she had no feelings at all.
She started fighting with her parents all the time, started talking on a very low and rude language. When someone would compliment me she literally said "Why don't you compliment me?". It was so many things together that I started growing apart from her, since I have no idea how to be fake :S.
I tried making her date my boyfriends friends, it never worked out, either they had nothing to talk about with her or she'd just ruin it by being rude and selfish.
At some point she started dating a guy from that neighborhood group which she'd hang out with. I helped them become a couple. He is a very kind boy. BUT his dad is a criminal in jail and her comes from a very poor family. But he was the only one ready to date her, even though she is gorgeous. So at the beginning she'd always cry to me that he is poor and boring and doesn't have a car or a job. Then she just started going out with him leaving me alone at home (my boyfriend is studying and isn't always available). She would ignore my phone calls so that I don't come as well. She didn't appreciate ANYTHING.
She doesn't have drivers license so many times I'd be like her personal driver, by my own will. So I could pick her up from somewhere to home so that she won't take the bus and at the same day she'd ignore my call to go out with him.
I understood that she is definitely a different person now so I just started going out with another girl and a guy. Suddenly she became friends with M and Y again (from highschool) and they'd go out right near my house and not call me. She became friends with girls she knew that hurt me badly and made my life terrible from their existence in it. So she both ditches me for her boyfriend AND starts doing things to hurt me on purpose?! She updates it all to facebook as if she wants me to see it.
Okay so right now I'm depressed. My boyfriend is studying hard and doesn't have that much time for me for now. My mother tries to calm me down over and over. I understand that it's not worth being hurt at all, she's just not the person I thought she was and I really don't want to ever talk to her again, I don't need such a dirty and fake person in my life. What hurts though is that she knows all my secrets and I'm so sure she's letting it all out without even caring - and for no reason at all! I play an online game ALL DAY to get out of the reality.
I even made some friends on it that makes me feel a little better, but I understand it's just virtual and doesn't really help. I just eat, sleep and play the game - sometimes go out with the new girl and guy. My parents took me to an amazing trip to clear my mind. I enjoyed it a lot there and I didn't think about her during day time, it didn't even hurt me anymore to see her facebook updates. BUT! There was not even ONE night that I didn't dream about her. I dreamt about her every **************** time. That we fight, that we make up, that she hurts me, that she apologies - everything and all the time. While I was gone she immediately became friends with the girl and guy I went out with. As if she doesn't want me to have friends. She added my childhood friend that lives in another country (?!?!?!) and keeps liking her pictures for no reason.
This small town talks about everyones private lives ALL the time. I'm sure she's ruining my reputation and I know that most people are talking about this lately. I don't feel like going out of the house because I've lost faith, everyone is so fake, so rude! Everyone has interests and they can't even hide it and it's grossing me out
. The girl and guy I went out with are also gross people, they have done many bad things (as in hurting people), so I can't take them seriously. I can just go out on a party with them and that's all. I feel really empty and hopeless. I'm now thinking how to study in another town because this one is too primitive and fake. So I'm basically just killing my time by trying to get out of the real world. I don't want to talk to her because I know it won't change anything, she's a very shallow person, she's cold and she's rude. Guess she wasn't real all high school she just had an interest and it was boys. I helped her get to boys.
We have a work in 3 days, that is paying a lot. She will be there. We haven't talked in 2 months after talking everyday and meeting everyday for 5 years. I have no idea how to act, what to do. I thought of calling her before but she will see it as a weakness - she doesn't appreciate anything, she sees kindness as a weakness and rudeness as something to respect. How should I act?
What can I do to get over this?
I can't see another dream with her in it it's ruining my life, she's just a person that had a part in my life and I understand what a terrible person she is and how she isn't worth even writing this thread, but for some reason it just doesn't stop hurting me!
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