[rcoreyus]

There are a number of threads dealing with men who desire much more sex than their wives do. The stories are similar - decent generally nice men who think a normal sex life is a few times a week or even daily, married to decent generally nice women who think a normal sex life is once a month or so. I presume there are some couples with this problem where the genders are reversed.

I'm not considering the case where the husband is mistreating his wife, not doing his share of work at home, is physically repulsive, is an unconsiderate lover, etc. Those all happen, but in many of the cases mentioned here (including mine), that is not the source of the problem .

We've heard a lot from the (mostly) men who are feeling neglected. Are there any women (or men) who desire sex much less often than their spouses do? Comments, suggestions, input?

I have not interest in trying to assign blame, but lots of interest in seeing how both people can be happy. "Therapy" is a reasonably suggestion, but has anyone experienced this? What can they say to either that would change things.

[Fallen1]

I feel sexually frustrated a lot of the time. In the beginning of our relationship it seemed that we were pretty much compatible. Over the last 6 months or so the frequency has fallen off a great deal. I've asked him what has happened but the answer I get, "I'm not as young as I used to be", just doesn't make sense to me, he's 25 not 45.

[Little]

I want sex much more than my boyfriend, not to the point of an "issue," but to the point of a minor problem.
I assume that if I talk about it to him some more openly we can resolve it.
But for now, it's back to a long-distance relationship, and he isn't often alone when we talk on the phone, so it's hard to discuss.
But I want to discuss it before he comes home so that it's not a pressuring kind of talk, "I want more sex." Well, when does that start? Tomorrow? Since he's far away, he can weigh it for a while, then choose how to act when we're back together.
Maybe that's the problem in "normal" relationships; the "less" partner isn't comfortable with immediate change, and the "more" partner doesn't see results. It can all lead to a standstill.
Good luck to all the other partners having trouble with this.

[rcoreyus]

This is why I am so interested to hear from the other side. As someone who wants more sex in the relationship, I have a hard time imagining not wanting to satisfy my spouse. There have been a couple of times where I wasn't particularly in the mood when she was interested, but it was still very pleasant - happy to please her. (and I do mean "happy", I didn't feel put upon or pressured at all.

So - if there are any of the people in the "less" category here - what is it like? Maybe though, people with a low interest in sex don't read boards like this. It just isn't important to them.

[rcoreyus]

I feel sexually frustrated a lot of the time. In the beginning of our relationship it seemed that we were pretty much compatible. Over the last 6 months or so the frequency has fallen off a great deal. I've asked him what has happened but the answer I get, "I'm not as young as I used to be", just doesn't make sense to me, he's 25 not 45.

I agree that 25 isn't old enough for age to be an issue. (45 isn't either by the way). Men of all ages can have "performance" problems though. These are particularly troublesome because the more you worry about it the worse they get - could that be an issue?

Do you think he is bored, or wants something different in bed? Though as I imagine you from your posts, boredom seems very unlikely.

[rcoreyus]

I want sex much more than my boyfriend, not to the point of an "issue," but to the point of a minor problem.
I assume that if I talk about it to him some more openly we can resolve it.
But for now, it's back to a long-distance relationship, and he isn't often alone when we talk on the phone, so it's hard to discuss.
But I want to discuss it before he comes home so that it's not a pressuring kind of talk, "I want more sex." Well, when does that start? Tomorrow? Since he's far away, he can weigh it for a while, then choose how to act when we're back together.
Maybe that's the problem in "normal" relationships; the "less" partner isn't comfortable with immediate change, and the "more" partner doesn't see results. It can all lead to a standstill.
Good luck to all the other partners having trouble with this.

Does he know that you would like more? Men can be remarkably blind to the obvious. Does he turn you down when you initiate things, or does he just not initiate things himself?

[Fallen1]

I agree that 25 isn't old enough for age to be an issue. (45 isn't either by the way). Men of all ages can have "performance" problems though. These are particularly troublesome because the more you worry about it the worse they get - could that be an issue?

Do you think he is bored, or wants something different in bed? Though as I imagine you from your posts, boredom seems very unlikely.

There are so many things that go through my mind that I think it could be. I have expressed my concern with him about this on several occasions and that (he is not as young as he used to be) is always the first answer I get. I've also gotten this answer "I have a lot of things that weigh on my mind and it has a lot to do me being in the mood.

I have argued with him on occasion, and maybe I shouldn't have, that I believe there is more to it than what he has chosen to tell me. It's just hard for me to believe that these are only reasons that in a matter of months he's gone from wanting to do it sometimes multiple times a day to a few times a week.

However, we continue to discuss this frequently so there is hope.

[Little]

Does he know that you would like more? Men can be remarkably blind to the obvious. Does he turn you down when you initiate things, or does he just not initiate things himself?

When he was still here, he would turn me down often. Weekly ... daily ... whenever I tried to start something. The only time we would have sex is if he initiated it. He told me later that it made him anxious [performance anxiety] if I tried to initiate it, or if I tried to talk about it earlier in the day.
But I'm your average woman and I need extended emotional buildup. I'm not ready-to-go for penetration in five minutes like a man, unless my partner wants to hurt me. So we ran into a brick wall ... and never really recovered before he left. It's a **** shame.

[sourpuss]

When he was still here, he would turn me down often. Weekly ... daily ... whenever I tried to start something. The only time we would have sex is if he initiated it. He told me later that it made him anxious [performance anxiety] if I tried to initiate it, or if I tried to talk about it earlier in the day.
But I'm your average woman and I need extended emotional buildup. I'm not ready-to-go for penetration in five minutes like a man, unless my partner wants to hurt me. So we ran into a brick wall ... and never really recovered before he left. It's a **** shame.

Have you tried just flirting throughout the day? Not talking about it and saying, hey, let's have sex later today. But just flirt and get his (and your) interest up.

[C]

If you do not have the sexual heat for each other now, it will not change. Marrying someone or staying in a relationship with someone and thinking you will change them is just not going to happen. What you see is what you get and are going to get. As a man ages a wife can and should keep him more sexually taken care of. Much more oral and sexy and flirt and keep him young but when he is young and not wanting to jump your bones all the time, you got trouble. I could not keep my husband off of me so sexually I had to catch up to him. That happened and we are pretty much of a matching set.

A man of 25 is not old but if he thinks he is old he acts old and this is what you must fight. Telling a young man you want more sex may work now but make sure he does it. If anything he will slack off in the future. The chemistry between a man and a woman is so different it is like night and day. As a woman ages she gets hotter and better. Believe me you have only just begun. You want more sex and deeper and satisfying sex. Why do you think they sell so many vibrator's and dildo's? He has already reached his prime and here she will struggle to keep him sexually alive......