[hot stuff]

3 years ago I met a guy, he fell in love with me. I was not attracted to him despite him being very tall and well built and kind, giving, forgiving, extremely patient, good cook, hard working And I was him life next to God and his mum.
Eventually I managed to make myself fall in love with his qualities and his love for me and we moved in together I but I still wondered if there was someone out there I would be attracted to fall in love with and have chemistry like in the movies.
I came to love my boyfriend, I treasured him but I wanted to leave him more than half the time.
I kept picking fights with him and being the patient and peaceful guy he is he left the house when the gights got out of hand
I found wrong in almost everything he did. We fought about dishes, leaving stuff all over and stuff of that sorts.
I was mean to him not knowingly but now I see it.I still did eveveryhing for him..cooked for him, cleaned for him, prayed for him.
We were best friends.

After moving in together we had promised to marry not long after. We shopped for a ring but he never got to buy it mainly because all our money was going towards my medical expenses. I asked him multiple times to propose with a cheap ring or no ring at all but he declined saying he wanted a beautiful ring that I would love and a 'proper'proposal.

Anyways I was mean to him, I treated him wrong, I tried him at every opportunity.
Now he's moved out after a big fight.
We still talk since he pays my rent and some bills but not much
I miss him, I regret driving him so crazy till he finally couldn't take it.
He's the best guy ever. All so loving and patient with me.
I now know how much he mesns to me and how I love him. He's not dating and somehow because of the pain of losing him and not wanting to show him I was hurting, I made up a guy and now he thinks I'm dating. I cry a lot. I text him and we are friends but he never wants to talk about it. He says talking about it hurts and not talking about it will help us move on.
I want him back, I wish him back, I pray him back. 8 months later and some days I cry myself sick. Im afraid he'll find someone better .
I wish I didn't screw things up so bad. I'll always remember our last fight over his drinking and I told him I was going to move out and leave him and he would have to come find me and ask me to marry him if he wanted me. He begged me just like the other multiple times before. The fight and my threat was a week long and he finally said he was fed up and that was the end of it.
Is there hope or should I grow up and know I probably screwd up the best thing that ever happened to me and live with it?

[lovexlaugh]

If I were you, I would try dating someone else. Determine whether you miss **him** or the comfort and love of a secure relationship. If you miss him, then take things slowly. Don't jump into anything, don't move in together again, just try being friends for a while and see whether theres a spark.

[LizziB]

My half sister and her bf had a mutual break up but ended up getting back together, and to quote her "the heart wants what the heart wants". I think if you love him, you want to be with him, and most importantly, you're willing to change, and work at it, then you should tell him that. Tell him you made up the other guy, apologise, and tell him you want to try again. I know I can also be somewhat irrational and selfish in my own relationship, and I know from experience that sometimes it isn't him, its me, and i'm the one who has issues I need to deal with. You've figured that part out, so I think now you're in a position to rectify things. Not to say it'd be easy, I know it's not! But if you think it's worth it, swallow you're pride, and let him know you want to change. Maybe he will want to try, maybe not, but only you can say if it's worth the shot. At the very least, I think you should apologise anyway. Good luck with it!