[megan102]

Me and my significant other have been together for 4.5 years and lived together for about 3.5. We have discussed marriage and I feel 4 years is plenty to know whether or not you want to be with someone the rest of your life. He agreed but said he just doesn't have the money right now to propose. We had an argument about two weeks ago and I told him I needed space just because I felt he just wasn't giving enough to the relationship, too comfortable..not staying for the right reasons. Our break lasted about a week and he proved that he did indeed care and wanted to stick it out and make it work. I obliged. Since then we discussed marriage and he told me he will not propose for atleast another two years, the argument just made him rethink things I guess. I told him I will not wait around and will leave. I do not want to "date" someone for 7 years. Its rediculous to me. I suppose I am just venting but I also do not want him to propose just because I want him too. I want him to want a marriage and want that commitment and responsibility. I do not take marriage lightly at all, but I personally just feel like it's time to either commit or not. I guess I am asking am I wrong for feeling this way, am I wrong for leaving..I am not asking for him to propose in the next two weeks, 6 months would be about my limit though..and as for an engagement I would want atleast a year engagement..I have told him all of this and he just shrugs it off.

[anonimousey]

This might be cultural things, but are you putting too much importance on having a 'marriage'? Your boyfriend just might not want to get married... ever, to anyone.

I can only give you advice based in my own experience and feelings. For me, marriage is unreasonable. I cannot see the point of having all that expense to he binded to someone. I understand that you're making a declaration of your love when you get married, but seriously, who cares?
Society says that marriage is a good thing, have a parade, go on holiday, have dresses, suits, cake, cars, toasters, but for what? At the end of the day you should define your relationship, and not do what everyone else is doing.

If I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a person, the only person who would need to know (and who I'd want to know) is that person. Marriage end in divorce all the time, why is being married more stable than being in a committed, loving relationship.

Who are you trying to prove your relationship to?

[anonimousey]

Also, you don't have to sign on the dotted line to show you're committed to someone

[BabyGirl]

You can always propose to him . He'll either say Yes or No.
Then decide where you want to go with the Relationship

[Belledujour]

Oh do I know what you are going through! I'm probably in your most feared relationship... I've been with my bf for 7 years! Gasp! I've been going through that tug of war for over 2 years and somehow I've stayed. I am curious to know how old you are? I feel like that plays into it. I'm almost 25 so he doesn't think we are old enough.

I don't think you are wrong for wanting to leave. Because what happens after two years and he doesn't propose? It sounds like he's putting it off or maybe he doesn't have the money for a ring?

I'll give you a little story. Around our 4 year anniversary I mentioned that we should get engaged if we make it to 5 years and he agreed. Then our 5 year came and there was not proposal so I changed it if we made it to our 7 year and he once again agreed and now he isn't ready. I truly don't believe him. I feel like he is trying to buy time!

[Pollon]

I couldn't offer any specific suggestions without knowing your ages.

[Pollon]

As to marriage in general.

While the act of getting married is a public statement of commitment, albeit with no guarantee, refusing to get married is a public statement non-commitment, guaranteed.

[Ryliesmom2011]

First of all, I have to ask. Why is marriage unreasonable? You don't have to spend lots of money to get married. When my husband and I got married, we wore our regular clothes and didn't pay for anything except for the marriage license. I'm happy to say we just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. There's just something about someone loving you enough to give you their name and there's nothing like looking into your significant other's eyes as they say their vows to you. There's also a bond that I've seen most married couples have (including me and my husband) that just isn't there when you're only dating.

As for my response to the topic, I don't think you're wrong. You're asking him to be more to you and possibly even be wanting him to prove his commitment to you, but he doesn't seem to be up to the task. (sorry if I'm wrong) There's nothing wrong with wanting the person that's most important to you to show and prove how important you are to them.

[rcoreyus]

He mentioned not having the money to propose. It is possible that really is the issue - he can't afford a ring, and / or whatever else is expected in your culture? Money problems can sometimes be beyond someone's ability to fix.

[BabyGirl]

rcoreyus
He mentioned not having the money to propose. It is possible that really is the issue - he can't afford a ring, and / or whatever else is expected in your culture? Money problems can sometimes be beyond someone's ability to fix.

As much as I respect RC's post,
It is with most Women is about Commitment and the " Promise " to be in a Permanent Relationship.
A piece of Jewelry, is not all that is it needed.

Though the " Bragging Rights" may seem needed.
It is the MY Man /Woman . Should be never be a compromise..

The Promise ..
Itself is one you should be able to " Count on ".
300 Sheep for your Manhood . No longer sees Shriek or even Princely.
And very few of Us Ladies are Princess veiled .