I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years. The first 2 months were great, he was very affectionate and sweet and pulled out all the stops. Sex occured all the time. He wasnt afraid of pda or meeting my family, ect. we moved in together after 3-4 months of dating. Hes definately not afraid of commitment and likes being in relationships.
The sex and affection started to dwindle after 3 months. I thought it was odd that it happed so quickly but didnt make a big deal out if it. So not only was he not initiating it anymore, he was rejecting my advances. With no real concrete reasons, they just seemed like excuses, critcizing my forplay, he cant just turn it on. When let me tell you, his forplay was very basic. After a while I started asking questions in a non accusatory way and each time I got a plethora of excuses. I get bored with sex after a while, Im too tired from exercising, i have to perform tonight, i had a long day, and then throws in personality traits of mine he doesnt like i.e., i feel like you make me the center if your world, (which i do not, i have a very full life) you werent passionate about your job, i want someone who challenges me (i make more than he does as an exec but no i do not feel passionate about it) he is in music so he is passionate. That turns me off. And on and on. The latest is if 'I don't feel close to someone I dont want to have sex. It feels dirty. I need to feel that close connection, and with us its sporadic.' My response was if you dont like things anout me, why date me? 'Because I love you and I think they can get better.' 'Really how?' 'I dont know.' 'Are you still attracted to me?' 'Yes, and I love you.' 'If I'm not the girl for you its sad but its ok, lets just call it a day.' ' No I think it can get better.'
I also need to mention, I found a lot of porn on his computer, a lot. And have caught him a few times, he denies it. Its prob happening every day, his answer to that is ' big deal, every guy does it.' 'Yes but not in lieu of being with your girlfriend' the response is always defensive and goes back to the closeness thing.
I dont think its a performance issue as the few times I tried to beak up with him, he seems to be able to 'feel close to me' and initiates sex. Now it's maybe once or twice a week or whenever I cant take it anymore and bring it up. He slso has intimacy issues, is very uncomfortable with pda now, but likes to spoon at night, kisses me hello amd goodbye and texts me all day. But when were together he's very uncomfortable. I feel like this is the real him and the only time I saw passion and affection was in the beginning or when he thinks hes going to lose me. He says hes not gay and I dont think hes cheating, but clearly hes comfortable with the way things are (even though he says hes not) as he wants to stay with me but is unwilling for any long period of time to give me what I need (intamacy and sex). Does anyond know know whats really going on behind all the excuses?!
The sex and affection started to dwindle after 3 months. I thought it was odd that it happed so quickly but didnt make a big deal out if it. So not only was he not initiating it anymore, he was rejecting my advances. With no real concrete reasons, they just seemed like excuses, critcizing my forplay, he cant just turn it on. When let me tell you, his forplay was very basic. After a while I started asking questions in a non accusatory way and each time I got a plethora of excuses. I get bored with sex after a while, Im too tired from exercising, i have to perform tonight, i had a long day, and then throws in personality traits of mine he doesnt like i.e., i feel like you make me the center if your world, (which i do not, i have a very full life) you werent passionate about your job, i want someone who challenges me (i make more than he does as an exec but no i do not feel passionate about it) he is in music so he is passionate. That turns me off. And on and on. The latest is if 'I don't feel close to someone I dont want to have sex. It feels dirty. I need to feel that close connection, and with us its sporadic.' My response was if you dont like things anout me, why date me? 'Because I love you and I think they can get better.' 'Really how?' 'I dont know.' 'Are you still attracted to me?' 'Yes, and I love you.' 'If I'm not the girl for you its sad but its ok, lets just call it a day.' ' No I think it can get better.'
I also need to mention, I found a lot of porn on his computer, a lot. And have caught him a few times, he denies it. Its prob happening every day, his answer to that is ' big deal, every guy does it.' 'Yes but not in lieu of being with your girlfriend' the response is always defensive and goes back to the closeness thing.
I dont think its a performance issue as the few times I tried to beak up with him, he seems to be able to 'feel close to me' and initiates sex. Now it's maybe once or twice a week or whenever I cant take it anymore and bring it up. He slso has intimacy issues, is very uncomfortable with pda now, but likes to spoon at night, kisses me hello amd goodbye and texts me all day. But when were together he's very uncomfortable. I feel like this is the real him and the only time I saw passion and affection was in the beginning or when he thinks hes going to lose me. He says hes not gay and I dont think hes cheating, but clearly hes comfortable with the way things are (even though he says hes not) as he wants to stay with me but is unwilling for any long period of time to give me what I need (intamacy and sex). Does anyond know know whats really going on behind all the excuses?!
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