[rylege]

Quick question for the ladies!

Quick synopsis: My Ex and I were madly in love and I came close to popping the question four years ago. I Got cold feet and ran away for a year. Realized my idiocy and tried to get her back, asked her to marry me and I took all the blame telling her she was the only one for me. This was a year and half ago for six months, and I did it because I love her and one of her friends encouraged me to do so!

She blew me off and told her friend to tell me that she was in love with someone else, who incidentally is a married man significantly older than her, and that I behaved terrible and she does not want to hear from me or see me. (By the way, the relationship with the older married guy has imploded as anyone knows they always do!)

So she works in the same general business campus area a few buildings away so I see her from time to time driving or walking.

Her body language has not changed since before I tried to get her back or after. It is as follows:

--When we pass each other in the car, I look at her and wave, I know she see's me even though she tries to act as though she did not.

--When walking past each other she visibly turns from a smile to tensing up and avoiding eye contact then alters course as soon as she can. I try to wave and nothing.

--I caught her staring at me intensely a couple times while driving past each other and immediately she turned back quickly. This happened a few times where she was off her game.

--I sent her happy birthday email recently, very simple and nothing crazy, she did not even say thank you!

--When I was in the midst of trying to get her back and was talking with her, she could never look me in the eye!!!

--My friend and his wife, who she was friends with when we were together, she avoids like the plague and does not acknowledge their existence in a Subway line when they are only five feet from each other.



All of this and more consistently has happened for FOUR YEARS!!!

Every woman that I have asked tells me the same thing: SHE STILL HARBORS FEELINGS FOR ME. Whether negative or positive or a combination she is definitely not indifferent. I have even heard some tell me that she is also probably very embarrassed to have rejected me in favor of a "no win" situation with a married guy that is a known womanizer in the area.

What do the ladies on this forum think?

[Stillness]

This reminds me of one of my favorite songs "Find a Way" by Dwele. The song is hopeful and the video has a happy-ish ending.

In real life I find that when people themselves tell you how they feel and act accordingly it's best to believe them. Trying to navigate the maze of someone else's mind beyond that could take an eternity. Her female friend who presumably has the inside track on her desires has given you bad advice already. I don't have a woman's perspective, I can't quite follow your timeline, and I don't know what "ran away" means, but how much penance are you expected to pay? It sounds like you've been chasing her for years now and she won't budge. It's not like she was your wife or even your fiance.

If you were in a relationship with her that she was hesitant to move forward, then you'd actually have something to work at. But you have nothing except your hopefulness and that of women who probably sympathize and empathize with you and think your story is romantic. I find that people can be overly positive sometimes, like, "Oh, it'll all come together because true love finds a way." But that's fairy tale thinking. Her feelings toward you could be contempt, shame, pity, sadness or some combination of those.

Maybe if you move on she'll come around. If she doesn't you will have moved on. Sometimes we can't undo mistakes we've made in the past. That's life.

[rylege]

This reminds me of one of my favorite songs "Find a Way" by Dwele. The song is hopeful and the video has a happy-ish ending.

In real life I find that when people themselves tell you how they feel and act accordingly it's best to believe them. Trying to navigate the maze of someone else's mind beyond that could take an eternity. Her female friend who presumably has the inside track on her desires has given you bad advice already. I don't have a woman's perspective, I can't quite follow your timeline, and I don't know what "ran away" means, but how much penance are you expected to pay? It sounds like you've been chasing her for years now and she won't budge. It's not like she was your wife or even your fiance.

If you were in a relationship with her that she was hesitant to move forward, then you'd actually have something to work at. But you have nothing except your hopefulness and that of women who probably sympathize and empathize with you and think your story is romantic. I find that people can be overly positive sometimes, like, "Oh, it'll all come together because true love finds a way." But that's fairy tale thinking. Her feelings toward you could be contempt, shame, pity, sadness or some combination of those.

Maybe if you move on she'll come around. If she doesn't you will have moved on. Sometimes we can't undo mistakes we've made in the past. That's life.

Thanks for the reply. Her friend helped me in an attempt to get her back because I think she truly thought it would work.

When I mean runaway, I suspended our relationship to give me time to think, which lasted a year and she continuously sent love letters and poems to me. Of which, out of fear, I ignored. She knows why I did it as I had a thirty minute emotional conversation year after she finally gave up trying to get me back spilling my guts and taking all the blame. Then telling her what she wanted to hear all along that I would marry her instantly. She was quietly moved and seemed responsive to getting together for coffee from time to time to work through things. However, she reneged and stonewalled every attempt I and even her friend made. Finally, in an email she told me she had no pleasure in seeing or talking with me. That was it and I was left dumbfounded.

However, her body language and the way she reacts is not consistent with one who has no feelings for someone.

[jns]

From a guy. She may love you and want to be with you, but realizes it won't work. Alternately, she may not believe you can maintain being serious for long and wants you to prove her wrong.

When you broke up with her due to you not being able to commit, all of the in love feelings dissipated. It will take a long time for her to rekindle those feelings, if ever. You blew it.

What isn't clear from your story is how long you two were together before you broke it off and how your relationship built up at that time.

"Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
'Til it's gone"
Joni-Mitchell-"Big Yellow Taxi"

[rylege]

From a guy. She may love you and want to be with you, but realizes it won't work. Alternately, she may not believe you can maintain being serious for long and wants you to prove her wrong.

When you broke up with her due to you not being able to commit, all of the in love feelings dissipated. It will take a long time for her to rekindle those feelings, if ever. You blew it.

What isn't clear from your story is how long you two were together before you broke it off and how your relationship built up at that time.

"Don't it always seem to go
That you don't know what you've got
'Til it's gone"
Joni-Mitchell-"Big Yellow Taxi"

Her actions would confirm your first statement. We truly loved each other intensely, and from what I have gathered from more learned and experienced people than me, is that feelings like that never go away, they just get locked up in order to move on. The trouble is we are in such close proximity to each other that at least for me, and it seems maybe for her, that it is not possible to do that. Who knows!

We were together for a year and she tried getting me back for a year after that.

[Stillness]

Feelings can and do go away, or they go away enough to cut a person off romantically forever.

I was in love with someone that left me that I struggled to get back with and she hurt me so badly that I wouldn't have been involved with her even if she came crawling back. I recognized that she was not good for me.

It seems like you've got the viewpoint of the only woman that really matters. She was very clear. I think that what you need now is a bro to tell you to let it go and move on.

[rylege]

Feelings can and do go away, or they go away enough to cut a person off romantically forever.

I was in love with someone that left me that I struggled to get back with and she hurt me so badly that I wouldn't have been involved with her even if she came crawling back. I recognized that she was not good for me.

It seems like you've got the viewpoint of the only woman that really matters. She was very clear. I think that what you need now is a bro to tell you to let it go and move on.

Your missing the original question. I am not arguing any of those points. My question was is her body language and behavior consistent with someone who truly has no feelings. EVERY WOMAN I have asked, and I've asked many, never waiver in their response. It is an emphatic absolutely she still does! I was just posing the question to get even more confirmation from an even wider range of women.

[lissy73]

Her body language tells me that she hasn't forgiven you at all for what you put her through. I suppose after a year 'of trying to get you back' has emotionally drained her to the point of her feelings have gone from loving and wanting you to a feeling of bitterness and disdain.

[rylege]

Her body language tells me that she hasn't forgiven you at all for what you put her through. I suppose after a year 'of trying to get you back' has emotionally drained her to the point of her feelings have gone from loving and wanting you to a feeling of bitterness and disdain.

She definitely has feelings of some sort whether pain, hatred, sadness etc... At least we know one thing for sure, she is definitely not indifferent. And after four years I suppose I can take that as a compliment that I meant something very special to her enough to continually set her off like this.

[lissy73]

She definitely has feelings of some sort whether pain, hatred, sadness etc... At least we know one thing for sure, she is definitely not indifferent. And after four years I suppose I can take that as a compliment that I meant something very special to her enough to continually set her off like this.

You just hit the nail on the head there...you did mean something to her, but not anymore.