[MissPinUp]

Hello all!

I have a unique situation that I'm not sure how to handle. A friend of mine is married to a man who has a tendency to be verbally abusive to her. Twice, that we know of, he has been physically aggressive to her. She refuses to acknowledge how bad the relationship is.

Things are further complicated by the fact that she always brings him around to parties, birthdays, and other gatherings with our group of friends...and he gets agressive with other people, as well. He consistently overreacts or starts argument or "horseplay" with our mutual guy friends.

It's at the point where we don't really feel comfortable being around him, but fear that telling her she cannot bring him around will further alienate her from us -who truly want the best for her. Ultimately, if we make her choose him or us, she will choose him - and we want to be supportive to her.

I'm really not sure where to go from here and we are all supposed to go away together next month. Any advice is appreciated and I'm more than willing to provide more details into the situation.

Thanks in advance!!

[rcoreyus]

Just letting you know that I stared at this post for several minutes with no good ideas - its a really difficult situation.

How long have they been married? Do they seem mostly happy together between the times when he is abusive, or does she look unhappy most of the time.

Keep an eye out for anything he does to try to cut her off from contact with her friends. This could even be in the form of being obnoxious around other people so that they will stop associating with her. Its hard to tell how serious this is, but abusers will often isolate their victims.

Wish I had better ideas

[MissPinUp]

Thank you for the response. They have been married a little over 3 years, and they often get into verbal arguments around us, but they get squashed quickly and then it's like nothing ever happened. While she does not always seem unhappy, those times of anger seem to be more and more common.

A small group of us who is familiar with the situation has discussed it but haven't been able to come to a good conclusion either. The feeling among us is that if we were to ask her not to bring him around, she would side with he husband and ultimately give him greater control and isolate her even further. Oy!

Just letting you know that I stared at this post for several minutes with no good ideas - its a really difficult situation.

How long have they been married? Do they seem mostly happy together between the times when he is abusive, or does she look unhappy most of the time.

Keep an eye out for anything he does to try to cut her off from contact with her friends. This could even be in the form of being obnoxious around other people so that they will stop associating with her. Its hard to tell how serious this is, but abusers will often isolate their victims.

Wish I had better ideas