[rcoreyus]

I don't think this is a good idea at all. Open relationships can sometimes work, but only if the people involved are completely free of jealousy - and you are not. I know one married couple that divorced because they thought an open relationship would work, and it didn't. BTW there is nothing wrong with your having this level of jealousy - the great majority of people do.

I slept with one person before I was married. I don't feel like I missed anything - if you are in a relationship with someone you love and who is an considerate and adventurous lover, that really is enough.

[Pollon]

needed to edit

[Pollon]

An adult understands that making a choice means letting go of the other option. An adult also understands what a waste of time it is to regret not experiencing the option you didn't choose. And adults don't put their loved ones in harms way for the benefit of pursuing their personal thrills.

Your fiancee is a boy who is not ready to be married. He is not yet willing to make the adult decision of "forsaking all others" because he might miss out on something. His willingness to "use" women he doesn't even know while torturing the woman he claims to want to spend the rest of his life with in order to avoid his imagined regrets suggests a self-centeredness of staggering proportions.

You, too, really aren't ready to be married. Your insecurities allowed you to disrespected and abused with this silly idea of letting your fiancee go experience some meaningless sex with other women. The moment your boy asked for this arrangement, an adult woman would had realized who she was engaged to and called off the wedding.

Please, sit down with some adults who can explain what being an adult is before he goes sleeping around and before you walk down the aisle.

[EricNYU]

Doesn't matter what he claims, he's not marriage material. He wants it both ways and you're letting him have it. He's selfish. It's eating you up. How long are you gonna let it go on? Tell him this was a bad idea, change the rules or call it off.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It sounds as if you only agreed for him.

What I also note is that you have told several girlfriends, this usually leads to one who is not really a true friend, to sleep with your partner, not a good idea.

Also, that he tells you who bad idea if you are in agreeance with even going down this path.

I personally don't feel that the love is as strong as you think it is on his side. He sees marriage and goes oh no, that's it for me. Yet feels that before marriage is ok.

I don't think it is OK. If two people love each other, the last thing they ever think of is being with someone else.

He can't have his cake and eat it too.

[VanillaCoke19]

Thank you to everyone who has replied. All of this has been a great help and has given me a lot to think about. I'm going to stay and give it a chance to work especially since even just talking about it openly here has made me feel worlds better about my choice to let him do this. I'm going to look in to the two of us seeing a sex therapist to make sure that we each fully understand each other and we've covered everything. The way I see it is that at it's absolute worst this could possibly all blows up in my face and my heart would get broken anyway but if I never even give it a chance then my heart being broken is a guarantee. I've had my heart broken before and if I can deal with it and get over it once I can do it again and be fine so really it'd be stupid of me to not give it a chance. I know my limits and if it gets to be too much I'll skip out on the spot but until it gets to that point I'm staying. I'll update what's happened with all of this in May and possibly periodically after that since, if for no other reason, my experience could potentially help someone else with the same thing going on one day. Again, thank you to everyone who's put forth their ideas and advice it's really been a huge help to me through the start of this new experience.

[jns]

I'm having a hard time understanding how he can really love me but want to sleep with other women even though I can understand the need to explore more before settling down, especially for guys since doing so is the societal norm.

Some people say that this is the societal norm. I'm not convinced. It would be very convenient for a guy who thinks he should sow his wild oats before marriage to use this as an excuse.

[atskitty2]

Well, I think after your last post, you aren't likely to read this.
I think you both are being very foolish. You're not being honest with yourselves, as I see it. There have been many other good points made here.
I think if he had these feelings he shouldn't have brought your relationship to the point of engagement. He should have resolved this prior to committing to you. I think he has serious doubts about your relationship but can't admit it. He thinks this is the answer...
You, on the other hand are choosing to ignore your better instincts and allow this to go on.
This will likely not end well, whether it's soon, or in 5 years. I think you're both fooling yourselves to think this is a solution.

[Sunlight72]

He can't have his cake and eat it too.

I agree with Chandlers Wish's post, except this last part.

If he were ready and excited to commit to you for a lifetime, his cake would be you. You are not his cake. You are.... banana bread, and he wants a few cupcakes to satisfy his appetite, because banana bread isn't enough for him.

Stop kidding yourself. You say you know your boundaries and won't cross them for him? I don't believe you. But, that doesn't really matter.

You need to be honest with yourself, you don't need to convince me.

Are you happy when you think of him? Or are you nervous, anxious, and ready to cry? Someone who loves you in a healthy way and will be a good partner for the rest of your life would not make you feel this way.

Your head thought you wanted to be nice to him, and you said OK, sleep around.

Now it's gotten real, and your heart is shattering. If he loves you enough to be a good partner for the rest of your life, he would call this whole thing off and prove his love to you is the most important feature of his life. He's not doing it now, and if you stick with him, you can expect him to please himself regardless of your feelings/desires/pain.

Good Luck dear. Grow up fast, or brace yourself for several years of self-eroding heartache.

[Guest]

vanillacoke19,

He's playing you. If he's in love with you, he'll only want to have sex with you. You do what's right for you, but were you to marry him do you really think he'll change???