[Faye13]

I really need to rant about everything because I don't know what to do.

I have miscarried a few times now and I recently got my hopes up that I could of been expecting I was crushed obviously, did a test and it was negative the day after my test I began bleeding I've confronted my boyfriend of almost 2 years I want a family and I'm ready for a family but he seems to avoid the conversation or steers it some place else, I'm broody all the time and now I am being driven crazy! He wants children too but wants me to wait another 3 years!!! (already going loopy what would 3 years do?) He's in the military as well and we've had problems with the neighbours here and because we aren't married we don't get help or live on the married patch or I don't get help medically if I were to conceive. Yet he doesn't want to marry me. If I was pregnant he said he would marry me but because I'm not he wont....where is the logic?

He also doesn't help around the house I do all the housework and I know he'd be much worse if we had a baby. I'm beginning to have doubts about our relationship, maybe these past 2 years have been wasted as we want different things at different times, he wants me to wait yet I honestly don't see him proposing any time soon, like he's just not willing to commit or seems to delay everything. all of my friends seem to be getting married and having children yet I'm stuck at the in-between stage. My friends without kids just keep saying "you're only young...why do you want kids so soon? Enjoy your life now" I don't go out and party, I prefer my books in all honesty I don't like drinking either the odd glass of wine is okay but I babysit a friends children on the base (we live outside of it as we are unmarried) and its making it worse for me because I've miscarried 3 times and after this last disappointment of a negative I'm thinking of just not bothering to have kids any more. I'm fed up of the disappointment and the miscarriages have really hurt even though I wasn't far along it still hurts.

I've also told him I'm not going to his next posting unless we are married I'd rather stay at home than be in the middle of nowhere without a job yet again and not have anyone close by, yes I've made friends but sometimes this forum is the only thing I've got close to human contact. I don't know what to do I really don't as talking about it doesn't seem to be working.

[DreamP346]

OK, first, you need to put the baby thing aside for a while. There seems to be too much other issues to resolve and you don't want to bring a baby into the equation right now. First, ask yourself this, do you want to have a baby regardless of the relationship with the father? This is totally fine, but you need to realize that if you take this route, you are going to have to raise this child by yourself. Not only will you need to be financially independent and strong, you will also need other social/emotional support like family. Get to the point and then you can plan to have children.

If having a child with your current partner is what is important, you need to figure out your relationship first. I don't know how the military works, but it sounds like you need to be married to get benefits. You absolutely need to be both financially stable, with a good housing situation and with medical benefits to start a family. Also, if your boyfriend can't even commit to you, then I don't think he is ready for a family.

My suggestion is to stop moving around with him and putting yourself in both a financially and socially isolating situation. Build your own life first. You only want to be making such dramatic sacrifices in life if you have made a commitment to the relationship. Obviously, your boyfriend hasn't. So you are living in limbo. Not the best time to be starting a family. You don't want him to marry you just for a baby. You need commitment and stability before you start a family.

[rcoreyus]

A baby will not make a troubled relationship better. You also need to be SURE that he really wants a baby. I'm also bothered by his statement that he would marry you if you were pregnant, but not otherwise - what is the logic in that? Would he feel "forced" to marry you if you were pregnant?

I agree with sp346 - you need to sort out these issues first.

[Element]

Are you using any sort of birth control? You stated you have had 2miscarriages and have been with this man for 2 years. He doesn't want a child right now, so is he wearing a condom? Are you on the pill or have you been on the pill? Being on the pill really messes with chances of conceiving for a woman. My understanding that for the length of time you have been on the pill; that's the amount of time you need to be off the pill to be able to conceive.

Now with all the other problems, you two are not on the same page in this relationship, I don't think you're even in the same chapter. Dating a military man is difficult because their duties as a soldier are first and foremost; nothing will ever top it. Even if he serves his time and leaves; he can always be summoned back to duty. He has stated he does not want to marry any time soon, nor does he want to be a father any time soon. So in all honesty, if you want a child now, you need to seek another man. But if you love this man and you know he is the one for you, then it seems like you'll have to wait for him to be at the place in his life where he wants a wife and children.

[Faye13]

I was on the pill and got caught twice on it, I stopped it 4 months ago and we've been using condoms. I haven't been on it long and I know we need to talk and find out what eachother wants I know I want a family but He needs to understand how hard it is for me especially since I miscarried.

[pani ewa]

hello
In my opinion your boyfriends is look for excuse and I don't think so that something chance during next 3 years.

[AL0tT0Handle]

I'm a soon to be ex military wife. Other wives will always be witches to you if you're even slightly different than them. So if you really want to be with this guy, you're gonna have to learn not to give 2 hoots about how they treat you. If you need to "trap" him into marriage with a child, yall shouldn't be together. Him waiting 3 years is the best thing I've ever heard from someone in the military! Usually it's a big rush (my [ex]husband included). He proposed after dating for 3 years and I assumed we'd get married in a few years, once I had a "career" (as much of one as a military spouse can have). A week after the proposal, I found out he thought we'd be married in a few MONTHS. I managed to put it off for 2 years, but still felt rushed. It's why we're divorcing now (had we waited, we would have realized we should have just stayed best friends, but now we have to become a statistic).
Bottom line is, it doesn't seem like yall have any business bring a kid into the picture. You need to figure yall out first.

[jen1447]

yall

Country-cute. I hope you wear Stetson hats.

[Faye13]

firstly I'm not out to trap him into anything, I came off the pill because I was moody all the time and I kept having break-through bleeds (e suggested I come off it), we've been using condoms and they have split before hence me thinking I'd been caught. You felt rushed and now your getting divorced. well I don't want to rush him I would like it to be when he's ready but I can't help being broody and wanting a family and since I miscarried its been very hard. I've not pushed the subject and we've been talking a lot, I know where we are in our relationship and so does he.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Faye, it's normal when people around you are married and you are not, you all of a sudden start thinking.

I'm sorry for your loses and off course, you have a right to feel broody.

But, you are stating to him, everyone is married I am not. If you don't marry me, I'm not following you, I'm staying put... You are also grieving because you do want to get pregnant.

Hun, love doesn't get pushed. It just is. And, you know it, you don't ever wonder at all.. It's real.

If you are feeling confused you need to sit down with him. It's possible he is worried he may not even come home one day and doesn't want to hurt you. Lots of reasons.

One thing I pick up is "work" ... Go and find a part time job, become in-dependant, join some places, make some friends.

This is important to both of you