[cetarag]

Soo, I'm not sure if this is in the right category... But here we go.. newer relationship of about 6 months. Shortly after starting dating he tells me that he's 'messed up' owns a dress, bras, and panties. He said he likes to tuck his penis in, and wear panties with a pad on. More recently he's asked me if I'd ever be comfortable with it.. I told him if it were just the underwear.. then maybe. but it irks me a little. Now I've noticed he's been wearing them more often than just when he is by himself. In fact I believe he is wearing panties right now. I know he is not gay, he gets aroused by me.. but I'm worried that he will eventually just want to wear them all the time and it'll affect our sex life. I feel less feminine and he's got sexier underwear than I do. I get that women's underwear is a lot more comfortable but I don't think that's the only reason he wears them. I am glad he was honest with me right from the get go but I tell him I'm not very comfortable with it and now he's wearing thongs under his clothes like my opinion does not matter. I've been doing a lot of reading up on this but havent got the answers I've wanted. I want to be okay with it, but like I said, I don't want it to come down to him only getting aroused while wearing such garments. Anybody else dealing with this right now? Any advice on how to be more open with it? Thanks.

[jen1447]

Sounds like it's basically a fetish, as opposed to just fun and games. There's a difference - I've had boyfriends wear panties before, but it's basically a silly play type thing (and a little tease admittedly). They don't actually have a thing for wearing women's underwear. The whole thing gets hot because of the interaction involved and the secrecy and whatnot. Also there is likely a bit of a control/submission thing there, but I don't think it's quite to the level of "femdom." It's mainly just play.

What you're guy is doing though sounds like something that he gets off on independently, which is very loosely the definition of a fetish - the sexualization of a thing that is not inherently sexual. The good news is that there's nothing wrong with this, as long as it's not something that would interfere with everyday living, e.g. illegal or immoral (to you). So it's just a question of whether or not you can deal with it.

The bad news, if you want to call it that, is that it's not likely something you're going to be able to break him of, being as it's not something that actually begins with you. So chances are this will always be a thing between you, unless you miraculously decide overnight that you don't care about it.

I'd like to say "don't worry about it, everything will be fine," except that it sounds to me like it's something you genuinely are not comfortable with. If that's the case, you shouldn't make yourself comfortable or try to appear to be, because that will only lead to resentment and ultimately contempt. It's not like you're just coming to terms with the breed of dog he likes or something like that. It effects your self esteem (you feel less feminine, etc.), and IMO you shouldn't allow that.

[Stillness]

Welcome,

I don't have much helpful advice, but I seriously doubt that women's underwear is more comfortable for a man than the underwear designed for our bodies. What woman would wear a bra or a pad if they had no function? This has zero to do with comfort.

I wish you the best.

[hot amy]

Why do men always want to wear women’s pants what is the obsession. I regard my pants as just necessary articles of clothing. Although I may wear skimpy lingerie for sex interludes or even no pants at all when I am up to my sex antics. If I or he is in the mood
I go around mostly in Bridget Jones passion crushers for normal comfortable daily wear. Why men seen to be gob eyed when they see women’s pants I do not know. I don’t go starry eyed at the sight of men’s ‘y’ fronts or even if he was wearing women’s pants. Mention the word knickers or panties and they go mad. Surly they would rather see a glistening vagina

[jns]

Surly they would rather see a glistening vagina

My thoughts, exactly.

[jen1447]

I'm pretty sure that women's panties are erotic because they're so close to those glistening vaginas. Fetishes are another story.

Personally I love panties - sexy, delicate, feminine ...the ones that are meant to be anyway.

In my experience, men either wear them (or can be made to wear them) because they're sport for silly games, or they're so overwhelmed by the 'power' they represent that they want to be as close to them as possible, or they have a fetish. Pretty simple.

[rcoreyus]

Not forget the "naughty" connection. Many children are brought up with the idea that anything sexual is "naughty". Since our unconscious minds haven't studied logic they sort of assume that it follows that anything "naughty" is sexual. From there you get the eroticism of spanking, wearing inappropriate clothes (its naughty to play with mother's things), and a whole host of other entertainments / fetishes.

Of course I'm not an expert in psychology, so maybe I'm just making things up.

In any case, I think it is a problem if, and only if it interferes with someones normal relationships. Where that happens is not a well defined point, not sure it this case counts.

[Stillness]

Of course I'm not an expert in psychology, so maybe I'm just making things up.

That's exactly what makes an expert in psychology. They've been making stuff up for centuries. Millennia, even.

[rcoreyus]

And they have degrees.....

Actually I have a friend who is a psychiatrist and they do know a lot about how minds work.

That's exactly what makes an expert in psychology. They've been making stuff up for centuries. Millennia, even.

[happygolucky90]

Eh while its people's personal business what they do behind closed doors, for me, I would be a bit weirded out by this. Not saying YOU are gross for dealing with it or he is gross for doing it at all... to each their own! Just me personally, I would probably lose complete interest in him and the relationship. It's just a big turn off to me when a guy is feminine, even in situations like this.