[kaylar]

Here's the problem;
The relationship with Law Friend, (LF) was begun
based on one set of postulates.

As his feelings for you deepened, he became very
vulnerable. His 'Girlfriend' might be more of an invention
than a person so as not to seem as vulnerable as he was.

Revenge affairs are the worst. I always counsel against
them because people always get hurt.

Sometimes one is in bed with Revenge Lover, thinking
'Take that Boyfriend!" reducing him to an animate dildo.

By the time one realises he's a person it is often too late.

Now, with LF, you would either have to;
1) open up to him, making yourself absolutely vulnerable...
(as savoury to you as swimming in a cesspool)
2) let it go

There is no way you can tell him everything without
making yourself vulnerable which is your key problem.
Of course it comes with the territory of being a lawyer.

However, if you really think your future is with him you
have to have a long private cathartic talk, going over
word by word and admitting that you used him at first
then when you became unsure of how you felt you
tried to reject him, now you are where you are.

I don't think you can actually do it or that he will actually
accept it.

This is the kind of situation in which you go your way
for five years, he goes his way, and then you meet up
again.

You just have to forsware yourself from ever having another
revenge affair, and don't let someone else's actions become
your reactions.

[Gia]

To Inshock

I agree with Kaylar, you were hurt by boyfriend, so you slept with Lawfriend. (I've been there and done that!) Now it is time for you... you seem like you studied a lot, earned great grades in Law School, Heck with the guys! You deserve to go on a vacation! Do you have girl friends who you can travel with? Perhaps go on a singles cruise to the Bahamas, or Hawaii for Winter Break to clear your head?

When I have had Enough of the guys I date, I take my children snorkeling in Hawaii. I also reside in northern California.

Treat yourself to a vacation, spa, ski trip to Lake Tahoe, You never know who you might meet!

Take Care,

Gia

[inshock]

The revenge affairs are out of my system. It only took one. Even-steven.

Law friend was not a revenge affair. I don't even think it started that way because I was there, with him, not thinking about boyfriend.

Ultimately maybe that scared me the most. Caring for someone else the way I had cared for boyfriend. Not missing boyfriend. Not caring what boyfriend might be up to...

Did I put myself in that position to disconnect from the pain of boyfriend? Or do I really love law friend?

Finals are once again imminent. The best skill I acquired this past year I owe to Kaylar’s trees.

You are spot on Kaylar. I cannot talk to him. I cannot open up that way. Not now. Maybe not ever.

I will see a lot of boyfriend over the holidays. I think step one is reevaluate whether that relationship is routine, comfort, and convenience or has the potential for happily ever after.

My community property/contracts professor said something fascinating, "marriage is an unconscionable contract." She suggested to the class that no one can stand at the altar and honestly commit to "until death do us part." She went on to say that statement either repulses people or makes them smile, which in turn indicates how you view marriage. I smiled.

Step two is to see if law friend does in fact propose to girlfriend or they go their separate ways. If he proposes, I will know how he feels. If they part, step three.

Step three is, maybe over a graduation drink (when I will never have to see him again if things go poorly); reopen the topic of "us".

If boyfriend is gone by then, law friend has not proposed, and I still feel this way. I will jump. My parachute will be relocating when I select a job.

Gia, I have wonderful, smart, beautiful, single girlfriends who are going to replace the momentary men. I’m not sure why I always have a man of the moment (that in and of itself probably deserves some emotional attention).

I am fundamentally a career oriented person. The next year will be full of very important decisions for establishing myself and my career.