[kaylar]

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Recently I came across a 'phenomonon', women who

[inshock]

I see the draw of this type of relationship. I intentionally set out to have loveless relationships after having my heart broken. Making the decision to be romantic with someone I didn’t love was directly related to how much stress I felt I could handle. And I must say, life was easier when I was in these relationships. But I have realized I would rather live alone or with good girlfriends than come home to a man I am indifferent about. Loveless relationships are not sustainable and I think profound levels of resentment and annoyance are inevitable. But relationships based on love are also a risk. And when the latter goes south the fallout is hatred and depression. Loveless relationships are like throwing the dice and being content with a 8 or 9 because the odds of doing any better are poor. True love (if there is such a thing) is like throwing an 11 or 12. You know you couldn’t do any better. What about a 10 or 11?

[kaylar]

I like your take on it, Inshock, but then, if one has
space, so that, for example, she comes home at
four, dresses to attend a function, he comes home
at six, and goes to bed by eleven, and she enters
at eleven thirty and has her own room, there is
very little friction.

Once there is no friction then there is no stress.
She doesn't have to play a role.

[JubesInquest]

Sounds like a more "logical" approach to a legal "partnership".
Like Mr. Spock finding Mrs. Spock.

[kaylar]

It is very tragic, but in many ways that is what happens.
The life long true love as portrayed in The Notebook
is rarer than hen's teeth.

Many women realise that romantic love, passion, etc.
only leads to heartbreak, confusion and loss.

Sometimes one has to chose.

One woman described;

'I used to live on a roller coaster. Sometimes is was
so wonderful I didn't go to work, other times it was
like the fourth level of hell. Now I live on a low
plateau, it never gets incredible, it never gets
abysmal, it stays, normal."

[JubesInquest]

One thing about it, Kaylar, they keep their heart and emotions in check.

No "flying off the handle" or getting "down in the dumps" about anything.
They remain at an even level at all times.

[inshock]

'I used to live on a roller coaster. Sometimes is was
so wonderful I didn't go to work, other times it was
like the fourth level of hell. Now I live on a low
plateau, it never gets incredible, it never gets
abysmal, it stays, normal."

I can totally relate to this quote. When boyfriend and I started dating nothing mattered besides him. I would skip classes to be with him.

Then he cheated. I have tried everything imaginable so as to evolve and be able to stomach the rollercoaster. I have had a series of 'unlove' relationships, but one turned out to be more. I wasn't prepared for it and it has only made things more complicated.

In order to cope with the hellish parts of my relationship with boyfriend, I tried to play the game his way. It worked for awhile, but now things are worse. I compromised myself and my beliefs so I could keep riding.

Now I am at a crossroads. When I think of leaving boyfriend entirely and getting of the rollercoaster, I grow depressed because I don't think I will ever meet someone who makes me feel the way he does. But the ride is making me sick.

Is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

In my unlove relationships there are invariably moments where I compare the man of the moment to boyfriend and become annoyed, depressed, and withdrawn because I know it will never be as good as the good times with boyfriend. But these moments come when everything else in my life is going swimmingly and I can handle the stress of the hellish times with boyfriend.

I constantly come back to a place where I challenge my beliefs; the parts of me and society which tell me I should walk away. Can I really change such ingrained beliefs?

I will end up playing a role either way. I have to choose between being on the sideline, content to watch without fear of injury. Or playing, risking loss and defeat, with the chance of being able to celebrate a tremendous and satisfying victory. I want to play, but rules and referees are harsh.

[kaylar]

There comes a point in which you want to
TAKE CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE.
Where you just can't not know what is going
to happen between now and lunch.

On a rollercoaster you start to think, oh, I'm going
up, better not go up too high, cause then the way
down is going to be too low...
which, of course makes the 'high' not as wonderful
as it could be if you weren't readying yourself for
the descent.

Then there comes the difference between being
able to say;

"I have to run over to Mr. Young's office now..."

and knowing that there is going to be a three act
play, or knowing that the person you're speaking to
is not going to make an issue of it.

It has a lot to do with maturity in a way, and with
a lot of 'Me' issues. tonight you might just want
to sit and vegetate; why do you have to explain
to anyone that this is what you want to do?
Why can't you just do what you want?

[JubesInquest]

I grow depressed because I don't think I will ever meet someone who makes me feel the way he does. But the ride is making me sick.

Time (and your positive thinking) will heal this.

Don't let yourself get "trapped" into thinking that you won't "meet someone who makes" you "feel the way he does."

You don't want to feel like that TOO MUCH anyway; seeing that you're on that "rollercoaster" (which can't feel good)... but it's when you LEAST expect to find the right person for you, is when you wind up finding them!

Just keep being your own wonderful self, and you'll see what I mean.

[Mourningman]

Brain and body chemicals are as dangerous as the ones put together by man.