[Romy]

So curious to know if you really can get away with it (sounds a bit harsh). I know a mature, married mother having an affair for the past eight months and is handling it really well. For her the only two downsides are living a life of lies and knowing her actions (if caught) would crush her loving husband. I know the circumstance leading to the affair and they are said but I understand.....

[atskitty2]

I have known people, men and women who carried out long term affairs with a single other person, for years-yes, one lasted 10 yrs I was told. It's fairly common is my thought, if I am aware of so many. Imagine the ones we don't find out about.
I also had a friend who had serial flings with various women over many years. He's been in a committed relationship with his gf for 20 yrs and she seems to have no idea, although at times I do wonder if she just doesn't care what he's doing. I don't get it at all.

[jen1447]

People can and do get away with it. Personally I doubt that many spouses/SOs are totally clueless about it when it's happening ....most likely it gets sectioned off by women who have kids and are too far invested in marriages to really entertain divorce and starting over, and with men I think it's moreso rationalization or put-on disbelief in order to try to maintain the status quo. (After all, we all like the status quo generally and crave consistency. It can be hard to deliberately overturn that.)

There are really a lot of nuances to affairs, and it's easy to just automatically assume that they're reckless joyrides. Some are no doubt, but there are plenty of people who have fallen out of love or are almost desperate in their situations with spouses that want a way out and find affairs hard to resist, others who may be in totally loveless and sexless relationships, and still others who have physical needs that aren't being met. Not even necessarily sexual ones - I knew a woman who had an affair whose biggest benefit from it was that her lover "held" her. She was getting absolutely zero intimacy on a basic level from her husband, even tho they would have loveless sex once in while.

[DreamP346]

I don't know people who were long term cheaters who admitted (there was someone who I suspected) and got away with it. I do know lots of people who were cheated on and it came out that their partner had been doing it for years. One friend found out that her husband of 15 years had another woman/family and she found out when he left her to go to the other family. She would never have known if he didn't admit it. It's possible, but I think most get caught. There are too many bills, text message, etc that leave a trail of evidence.