[*finding myself*]

so I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now he is 5 years older then me. recently we bought a house and have been living together for a good part of our relationship. I kinda jumped into uur relationship quick because my family (mom,stepdad...ect) was having a rough time and I really had no where to go. we have been talking about marriage for awhile now which I thought i wanted. He is very good to me when it comes to providing for me. he has a great job i love his family he really does try to be there for me. hes great! one of his down falls is the way he talkes to me sometimes... when hes upset he has said such mean things to me i won't even repeat here. Anyway so I have begun feeling like maybe i dont want to be in a relationship right now.. i just feel like im so young and i know theres so much more for me to experiance. we also have differant interests i love music and to dance . i love meeting new people. I am very open minded and enjoy learning new things. He would much rather just be home with me watching tv or out with the guys hunting or fishing. which i do enjoy doing but we are NOT old we dont have to stay in every night. and when i say this he says "we do stuff all the time! " I dont know maybe im just finding things to argue about because im not happy? but it seems crazy for me to be unhappy when i have everything that a girl could want other then the freedom to be her self. Anyway i need help....what should i do?

[JubesInquest]

Sounds like you're ready to go!

Have you talked to him thoroughly about how you feel? If he's talking to you in a mean, verbally abusive way, then you have more than every right to walk up out of that situation!!

If you feel strongly about leaving and you see no reason to stay, then do what you must.

You can make yourself and the other person miserable when you're unhappy about the way things are going and the other person doesn't see anything wrong.
Your b/f will go on thinking the way he's already thinking: "We do 'stuff' all the time'. Things are going well. "

He can't see what YOU see.

You want to go out and do different things; he's a "homebody". You're open-minded; he's not. He talks (apparently) in a mean and maybe even abusive manner. You're not forced to live with whatever you don't want to live with.

Have a real "sit-down" with your b/f and watch his reaction to what you say to him. That should tell you what you need to know.

[*finding myself*]

Its just so hard to see myself with out him! i have been feeling this way for awhile now though and im scared to talk to him.
" i know we have been talking about marrage for awhile now but i dont even think i want to be with you " yikes! we are just two differant people! I do know he will make someone really happy. He has a huge heart. i just am not ready to settle down completley. i just wish he was more fun!

[Fallen1]

My thoughts -

Whether or not the outcome would be splitting up or working things out and staying together you really need to talk with him and let him know how you feel, especially if you are having doubts. Settling things now is much easier and less hurtful than after getting married.

[kaylar]

One of the things you might be feeling is an apprehension
that when you marry him he might abuse you.

Verbal abuse is domestic violence. For some men, it's as
far as they go. For others, it's a way station before
physical violence.

Because you mentioned it, it is important. It may sound
like the 'only' fault you actually find, outside of his
Peter Pumpkin Eater behaviour...but the two are connected.

The basic abusive man wants to keep his wife away from
others. There's a need in him to segregate her so that
she will have no one to talk to. No one to confirm or
deny what she's feeling.

Hence the staying in is connected to the verbal abuse.

Have you notice anything else; i.e. does he try to make
you cry? Does he always take the anti of your pro? Does
he offer peculair opinions on things?

[Little]

Something I had to learn the hard way: ANYTHING THAT TAKES A LAWYER TO UNDO SHOULD BE THOUGHT OVER HARD.
Do not marry this guy! You're already unhappy and getting married is only going to make you miserable.
It seems to me you're only still in this relationship to save yourself from his reaction, whether it be angry or sad.
Walk away now; you'll be better in the long run.

[kaylar]

'Women's Intuition"
we call it;
just after we say;

"I knew I should of....(fill in blank)"

"I had a feeling that...(fill in blank)"

Think of life like this;

You're riding a motorcycle, you're going about
seventy, you coming to a sharp turn.

1)You know for a dead on fact you
can take that turn at that speed

2) You aren't sure you can take that
turn so slow down

3) You don't think you can make it but
don't slow down to prove some point
to some imaginery character.

Now 1 is the way you should be riding.
You should be riding at a speed you know
for a fact you can manage.

2) warns you that what you're doing is not
sensible, so you better rethink it

3) is the kind of mindlessness that will
get you killed.

When you are in a relationship that is 'right'
you never double think yourself.

If you wonder; 'should I go there? Should I do
that?' Don't.

If you think to yourself, "Maybe I should slow down"
slow down.

In this case, something inside of your is shouting;
"No!"
Listen.

[*finding myself*]

thank you

Thank you all so much. i have been losing sleep over this

[loni1015]

You will figure it out .... Listen to your heart. A womans gut feeling is always right and if you feel you need some time to find yourself then do it. If its meant to be he will still be there with open arms when you are ready.

[bellasmom]

I have done it- left without knowing exactly why. All that I knew was, "There's gotta be more in life"> I found out over time that, there was in fact, more TO ME. Your mind left him awhile ago, follow it!