Addicts use to numb out the NECESSARY emotional pain required to mature. So rather than deal with the emotions of conflict or loss or challenges, they turn to their substance of choice (drugs, alcohol, porn, work, etc.) to get away from it.
It is possible to be a "functioning addict" in some arenas of life. But a close personal emotionally-connected relationship is not one of them. He doesn't even know what that is like because for many years he's not fully experienced an emotional life. He won't even be able to relate to the idea of emotions until he is off the drugs long enough to experience them and work through them.
Again, until he sees his addiction as the problem, all your efforts to change him are pointless. Make your plans for your life after him and purposefully march forward. As you do, he will likely throw all kinds of obstacles in your path (undermine your confidence, use guilt, sympathy, promises, pleading, tears, etc. etc.). Don't let those deter you. The only way he earns a chance with you is by PROVING he is clean and sober.
Even then, most addicts relapse several times--even decades later--think Phillip Seymour Hoffman. So you might just consider whether you want to risk your future at all with him.
Good luck
It is possible to be a "functioning addict" in some arenas of life. But a close personal emotionally-connected relationship is not one of them. He doesn't even know what that is like because for many years he's not fully experienced an emotional life. He won't even be able to relate to the idea of emotions until he is off the drugs long enough to experience them and work through them.
Again, until he sees his addiction as the problem, all your efforts to change him are pointless. Make your plans for your life after him and purposefully march forward. As you do, he will likely throw all kinds of obstacles in your path (undermine your confidence, use guilt, sympathy, promises, pleading, tears, etc. etc.). Don't let those deter you. The only way he earns a chance with you is by PROVING he is clean and sober.
Even then, most addicts relapse several times--even decades later--think Phillip Seymour Hoffman. So you might just consider whether you want to risk your future at all with him.
Good luck
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