[njurina]

Ok. There is going to be a bit of a long back story to explain everything. Sorry it is so long.

I have been with my boyfriend for 51/2 years (long distance). We are both young adults now, and I have known him since I was 10. He dated women, and was obviously attracted to them. After about 2 years of being together, an old friend of his showed back up into his life,who I'm just going to call "C", who was gay and liked my bf. He and my boyfriend talked a lot, and eventually C asked my bf to move in. He told him no, because he was with me and the guy was fully gay. After staying up late at night talking, my bf confided in me that if he were single, he felt bad for C and would probably be gay for him.

I pretty much just shrugged it off, and after a long visit in which he was very distant with me and I nearly left him, he finally told me why he was so detached. After being cheated on so many times by his previous women, he felt worthless and found himself in a relationship with C. He told me how they had dated for months, and they had sex. This nearly broke my heart, because for 2 years he hid this, and lied about his entire sex life to me. He was torn between the two of us, and he was afraid to see C anymore because he didn't want to break down and end up making a mistake. He use to go to gay clubs and bars, but has pretty much stopped since then. (Strangely, he went for game tournaments and dancing, I even went to a few with him.)

They pretty much stopped talking again, and after asking some extremely tough questions for my boyfriend, I decided to stay. Its been 3 years now, and I was at least able to deal with it for the most part.

A few nights ago he came to me and told me that no matter how hard he tries, he still has urges at times to watch gay porn, and after he jacks off to it he is fine for a while again, and that he still finds himself attracted to the male physique. He also has a tumblr account with gay furry porn, though I already knew he likes furries and I have no problem with that part. I know he is also attracted to me,he has told me he finds men and women very attractive, and we really have no problem when it comes to fooling around, we became very sexually active the last time I saw him.

I love him to death, and though he re-assures me he would not give up being in a stable relationship with me, I fear that in 10 years it may not be the case, and he will find himself more attracted to men than me. I have also made it fairly clear to him that I am willing to try anal sex, and no, I am not doing it to keep him, I am just a curious open-minded person.

That really sums it up. After he told me about the random urges, I found myself feeling the pain I felt when he revealed his past to me. I am just not sure how to accept what he does or likes, but I do know we love each other. I just really need help finding a way to come to terms with his past and his random desires. Please do not judge him or me, I am not looking for a swift "leave him". I need ways to find acceptance and forgiveness. Thanks all.

[Claret]

You have decisions to make as does your boyfriend. At the very least he is bi-sexual and may even be homosexual. Many homosexual men continue to have women in their lives, some as a cover up, others because it's a form of denial. He needs to fully be truthful, first of all to himself and then to you, about who and what he is.

You do not need to forgive him. If this is how he is, this is how he is. Forgiving means he's done something wrong, and people can't help their sexuality. You may forgive the lies to you and any infidelity if there has been any while you've been together, but please don't forgive his sexuality.

In your heart you know all this. You know who and what he is, the bigger questions are: Are you willing to live with his lifestyle that may manifest itself from time to time? Are you willing to give him the freedom to explore his sexuality in this manner? Are you willing to have unprotected sex with a person that has more than one partner or that has sex with you and a same sex partner? Are you willing to be part of only one portion of his world and be excluded from the other side of his life?

The real questions is not what he is going to do, but it's what you will do and what you will compromise on. Are you thinking of having children in the future? Is this the type of relationship you want to bring children into? You have lots to think about and to make decisions on as does he. Continue to talk with him and see where both of you stand and end up.

[jen1447]

One thing I have a little trouble with is the possible legitimacy of his bisexuality. There are a lot of women out there who are what I call "angry bisexuals" or lesbians, often women who work/ed in the escort of stripper business and came to hate men because of it. So the main reason they're with women is because they hate men, not that they love women. That can also happen as a result of serious mistreatment at the hands of a hetero partner in regular relationships. The point being that I'm not sure being with someone because you hate someone else is really legit as far as love goes. He masturbates to gay porn yes, but sometimes our drives are rather easily redirected based on conditioning.

I'm not sure what to do with this info, just pointing it out.

[MamaaCorydoras]

My partners father has been married to a women for about 30 years, and theyve had 3 kids together, and as far as I understand, my father in law is gay and has been since before he married. His wife knows, and has learned to live with it, and they love and compliment each other very much. His kids all know, but I dont know if he knows that his kids know. If you're going to try and keep the relationship strong, you have to be honest with each other, more so than with anyone else.

My point is that if its something you can look past, then you can live a long and happy life together, it'll be hard sometimes, and you might feel that sometimes its unfair or resent him for it, and maybe he might feel the same way towards you. But honesty is the most important thing, if he is open about his love for you and wants to make it work, then work hard TOGETHER!

My inlaws are very happy together, they love each other, and would follow each other to the end of the world. After all, even though he is gay (and not bisexual), is it her that he has chosen as a life partner.

Hope this helps!