[Fallen1]

I have a few compulsive disorders one of which is having to have my place neat and clean with things in their "proper" places. I used to keep my bedroom spotless. When I would get ready for bed at night I couldn't stand to unmake my bed so I would turn down the covers on the corner just enough for me to slip into bed, basically my bed was still made it just was made up with me in it.

Well, my boyfriend knew how I was and that I would cringe if he even moved things the slightest bit. I told him the day he moved in with me that I expected things to stay clean. We've been living together for a year this month and all I can say is where ever that boy lites it looks like a tornado has landed. It's like that commercial advertising cleaning items for vehicles, the little boy gets shut up in the mini-van, they open the door a minute later and it's knee deep in stuff. That's him!

My side of the room (the side of the bed I sleep on) is clean. You walk over to his side and it looks like a landfill. I have literally tripped over things on the floor when I've had to go to that side - clothes, shoes, books, laptop. It's driving me crazy!!!

Several months ago I did get fed up and gave him a time limit. I told him he had 3 days and if things weren't cleaned I was coming in with a box and everything was going in the garbage. Day of the deadline I came in with a box, started putting things in it and he got upset and asked me to stop he'd clean. He did, but the very next evening things started getting back to the same way they were.

Well we have since moved into another place and as we were packing up to move I explained to him how I hoped he'd keep the new place clean. Well, it stayed that way for about a week then back to the old ways.

I've explained to him on multiple occasions how it bothers me and all he says is "I know I'm messy, I'm sorry". The few times he has attempted in cleaning it just looks as though he's moved the mounds to another spot. I hate to keep asking him to clean up simply for the fact that I don't want to be labeled as *****y but this is ridiculous!

Anybody have any suggestions?

[Franny&Zooey]

Double lives?

I couldn't help but laugh when reading this because...well, ditto. My boyfriend prides himself on being clean and organized, when that is far from the truth. I've found that after I ask three times for something to be cleaned and it isn't done, it's time to be manipulative. I literally pretend I'm fuming mad that the house is a mess and ramble on about how nothing in my life is going right. It, in turn, makes him mad, and when he's mad he gets goal oriented a.k.a he cleans. After we're done cleaning, we're less stressed, no harm done. Some things, like folding the laundry, only happens once in a blue moon, so I've learned to live with the fact that I will forever be indebted to folding his boxers.

One weekend he went away to visit his parents, at which point I went through ALL of his belongings and sorted out what he did and didn't need. Most of the clutter was stuff he didn't use, it was just taking up space. That was six months ago and he still hasn't noticed anything different or missing.

This is why it's a good idea for couples to live together BEFORE marriage. Find out their quirks and cleaning habits, if it's not going to change you have to decide, can I deal with this the rest of my life or can I not?

[lilly41]

I know how you feel i agree with franny&Zooey Anyway my husband is the same always untidy in the house i always have to remind him to do things for me without him in the house the house is spotless..lol i even put some his old clothes just sitting in the cupbroads gave them away without him knowing it and he hasn't asked me where are they ?.lol i wish he was like my step-father his a very clean and tidy person and cooks at home. oh well life goes on

[sourpuss]

One weekend he went away to visit his parents, at which point I went through ALL of his belongings and sorted out what he did and didn't need. Most of the clutter was stuff he didn't use, it was just taking up space. That was six months ago and he still hasn't noticed anything different or missing.

Hahahaha! Awesome.

Ditto here. It really gets to me. What's even worse is that my guy doesn't even live with me. He's just over here all the time and he's a total pig! He leaves a trail where ever he goes, even outside. The other day he found one of his bank receipts in the bushes in the yard!

Ugh! All I can do is constantly nag and then after a month or two I blow up and tell him that it's over and that I never want him in my house again and then he'll half-*** a 'clean up'. .....then right back to being a slob.

[kjersi]

yeah my husband does it to..he cant even close his closet..we have 2 kids also and when i come home i have to pick up after all three of them..its like hes a big kid..it used to bug me alot..but u kno what u cant sweat the small stuff..it drives me crazy that when he uses a plate or a cup he puts it right next to the sink..instead of in the sink..u should be upset and let him kno..but its not that big of deal..when he s doing something far worse then thats means for a ultimatum

[JubesInquest]

It's like that commercial advertising cleaning items for vehicles, the little boy gets shut up in the mini-van, they open the door a minute later and it's knee deep in stuff.

LMBO!

I don't know what to say about this! Hey, Fallen1, I thought EVERYBODY did this:

I would turn down the covers on the corner just enough for me to slip into bed, basically my bed was still made it just was made up with me in it.

LOL, I thought I was taking a short-cut on making my bed!

This is just the way your b/f is. Doesn't look like he's gonna change, IMO... however, I could be wrong

[SorridLives]

I have a few compulsive disorders one of which is having to have my place neat and clean with things in their "proper" places. I used to keep my bedroom spotless. When I would get ready for bed at night I couldn't stand to unmake my bed so I would turn down the covers on the corner just enough for me to slip into bed, basically my bed was still made it just was made up with me in it.

Well, you can't expect the same thing from other people that you find in yourself. Try to lighten up, if you can. Compromise??? I do empathize though. I like neat too....and my SO is also a little messy.

[Fallen1]

Well, you can't expect the same thing from other people that you find in yourself. Try to lighten up, if you can. Compromise??? I do empathize though. I like neat too....and my SO is also a little messy.

I understand what you are saying and am aware that this is really a petty thing to be complaining about. But if he were just a little messy it would be easier to overlook. You can't even see the floor on his side of the room, for that matter you can't see anything on his side of the room - night stand, dresser. It's all piled with c r a p. I'm not exaggerating when I say I'm risking breaking a leg when I go over to his side to get into the dresser. It's not just dirty clothes or shoes either. It's empty soda cans, mail, books/magazines. I just wish I could get him to be a little neater.

[AbbieG.]

Haha!

My boyfriend is really messy too. We live together and I work in a call center so I don't take my work home. However he works as an automotive agent and he sells lifter, bulbs, tools, orings etc.. so everyday I got to see his stuff lying like carpet on the floor - I can barely see the tiles so Im jumping from one place to another (i didn't wanna step on his stuff). Sometimes when I clean the house I will see a pice of sock in teh kitchen then the other one will be, hmm, beside the TV? I don't knwo how he does that.

But one day I sat him down and told him that while I want to take care of him and his stuff it upsets me. So he'd be very very goal oriented on cleaning but then he still soemtimes forgets his promise. There are times that I wil just carry the trash bin and put it in front of him - he will realize what I have in mind.

But lately he does his "messy actions" when I'm sleeping and in teh mornign I will see the room quite clean (with his stuff under the bed unarranged, socks on his bag which i can't understand why he can't just put in the laundry bin).. but that's okay. At least he gets the idea and makes some effort. Some little effort -that's too much for him already.

[BabyGirl]

Aww the Child/ Slob we must put up with .
Now I'm not a neat Freak , I get clutter, especially on my Comp Desk. Opened or un opened mail Receipts, this weeks grocery Ads Junk mail , Whatever .. But the rest of the house that is not Personal Space,but shared space is decently cleaned .
And while I am widowed and no SO, I did have your problem at one time .
This is how I fixed it .
My side of the Room, was regulated, things went where things went, so I could find them at a moments notice .
His side was the Mound that moved or had Baby Mounds when he searched for something . We all know that feeling.
So I bought a Sorter , Like this one.
laundry sorter.jpg

I explained that Dark's went in one, Lights in the other, Mixed in the 3rd one and everything else went in the 4th one. He had the Choice to Use it or Lose it . What this meant, ( had to explain it several times to him LOL ) is that when he took off something, it belonged somewhere . The Floor or Bed is not where it belonged.

The 4th one, I used for wallets , keys , phone, receipts , papers, whatever was not a " laundry Day needed item ".
If or when I went to bed or into bedroom and something was on the Floor or Bed, It got tossed, by ME ,into his " Keeper ". The thing is if I had to pick up for him , I did Not follow the Light/ Dark/ Mixed Rules .
I'd throw them into separate ones, 1 Shoe in the Whites, a Sock in the Mixed, the wallet or keys in the Darks, the other Shoe in the Mediums. # Stir frequently , so you do not Simmer#

It was kinda Funny when I would get the Proverbial Question . Honey, where's my ( fill in Blank ) and I'd Answer, " Where did you leave it "? .
" On the Floor/ Bed"
" Aww Yeah , it's in the Keeper ".

He then had to dig for the things he needed. And I'd always mention that Fridays were Laundry gather up loads days and Saturdays were ..
Anything in the Keeper was subject to being Washed and Dried .That included boots and shoes and wrenches and pens and papers of whatever kind he may have thought he needed. ( Of course I sorted for things that could damage clothes or the machines .)

What was even more surprising is he asked where things belonged that weren't just laundry Items .

The answer from me was " Clothes get Hung, Shoes on Shoe rack or in closet or neatly placed under Bed , Trash in Garbage bin, Keys, Wallet, Cell, on Dresser or night stand, or the " Catch all ' other Personal Small items in YOUR DRESSER DRAWER. " NOT ON FLOOR !! Tools in Tool Box .

But my best part is the Answer " Honey ...If you put them in one place, every time, you will know where they are every time you need them ".
It takes some time to " Train " others to you ways of House keeping . But it does work.. Without any Fighting or Yelling .
And yes you are doing some of the Pick up after him, but at the same time you are teaching him he should Pick up after himself .

One of the Best things here is .. Sundays were throw out the Trash days .
Anything left in any of the 4 bins were put in the Garbage . After Friday Laundry Day
I took them out for you Sweetie to the trash.
Oops is the other Shoe in the garbage, is that game ticket or gas receipt or special screwdriver you tossed on floor that you need for work, I'm so sorry , but they weren't where they belong , I thought that your " keeper " was used properly.

It did take almost 2 months ... But he did get it. We then bought 2 more for the kids rooms. Ours was delegated to the Actual Laundry room. And I learned to " Forgive the Small mistakes ". I lost my keys, did not put them where they Belonged, Hunted the house, floors, beds , tables, desk. They were in my Coat that I forgot to hang up on the Coat tree ( hook ) .. Sheesh on Me .. lol


It works, Start young , with kids or relationships. And even with your OCD. There are small steps that are " Training " Not Controlling .. There is a Difference.