[Stillness]

Saying we shouldn't isn't a better answer because saying it doesn't make it so. Even when we're sweet and loving to one another, maybe especially when we're sweet in loving to one another, we take some things for granted.

Assessing twice per decade doesn't seem useful. What I'm saying is that the lines of communication should always be open and the couple should be constantly working on their marriage.

To some extent I can't relate to a lot of this. When my wife and I married we were well on our way to becoming Christians and so agreed to be married under Christian law. We regularly review it to make sure we're on track in all aspects of life, including our marriage. It doesn't make things easy, but it makes them simple. We don't really have disagreements or wonder about the nature of our arrangement because the major stuff is spelled out in black and white. So we do have a sort of written contract. Our personalities make things a little easier, but I have no idea how anyone without some kind of principles agreed to in advance does*it, regardless of their compatibility.

[Archer]

That statement is based on this passage from Russian psychologist Lev Vygotsky, speaking of social play "The... paradox is that in play [the child] adopts the line of least resistance-she does what she most feels like doing because play is connected with pleasure-and at the same time she learns to follow the line of greatest resistance by subordinating herself to the rules and thereby renouncing what she wants, since subjection to rules and renunciation of impulsive action constitute the path to maximum pleasure in play. Play continually creates demands on the child to act against immediate impulse. At every step the child is faced with a conflict between the rules of the game and what she would do if she could suddenly act spontaneously..." Peter Gray goes on to say "Vygotsky's point, of course, is taht the child's desire to play is so strong that it becomes a motivating force for learning self-control. The child resists impulses and temptations that would run counter to the rules because the child seeks the larger pleasure of remaining in the game."

I love this! I wish I could like it four times. I need to read this book.