[sweetie27]

I was just wondering about what you all think about a guy who has cheated on his ex(s) in the past. I am usually inclined not to trust but curious what you all think. Just a topic for discussion.

[kaylar]

It is true.
Once a cheater
always a cheater.

People who can't be faithful just
can't be faithful. It doesn't matter
who they have, and what they lose.

It is an emotional bonding problem.

[kjersi]

i disagree...it all depends on the situation..like before i was with my husband we were good friends and he would always cheat on these girls..its becuz he was young and didnt love ne one...he never hurt them emotionally but lost interest in them since he was only 18 yrs old...he didnt want commitment...he just didnt find the right girl..

[alibaby]

I don't know...

I saw my father cheat on my mom, and then cheat on the woman that he cheated on my mom with a few times. Now he's a senior and living alone, I feel, as a result of making those choices. On the other hand, my brother also cheated on his wife with one woman...almost lost his standing in his church and his marriage over it. That was more than ten years ago and they're still married but his wife seems to basically treat him, I feel, like a dog on a leash as a result of that choice, and she won't let him forget it...I don't know if I agree that "once a cheater, always a cheater", every situation is different. Some men just think they can always get away with it, while others get shocked back into reality when they see the mess that it causes for them and their girlfriend/wife/family. But I can see a woman feeling that way if she's been cheated on, even once...would take a lot to get past that feeling.

Edited to add: If 'sweetie27' is asking if a mans history of cheating is important to whether or not to get involved with him, I think it is. If you know that a man has cheated before and you choose to get involved with him despite that knowledge, you just don't know what you will get. I won't say "once a cheater, always a cheater", but chances are pretty high, in my opinion, that he'll do the same thing to you. Why deal with that possibility when there are so many men out there who haven't done that.

[kaylar]

There is a big difference between playing the
field, not committing to anyone, and cheating.

When one is in dating mode they can date a
different person every night in the week.
There is no commitment.

When one is in a commited relationship where
faithfulness is an element and one of those
persons in the relationship cheats you can
be pretty sure that this is not a one off.

as alibaby put it...

'I saw my father cheat on my mom,
and then cheat on the woman that
he cheated on my mom with'

Now clearly this guy wasn't so in love
with that other woman contra Ali's mother
that he could be faithful to her. He
can't be faithful. He is one of those
people who find bonding virtually
impossible.

kjersi, the point is....
was your boyfriend in committed relationships
with these girls so that the girl believed she
was his 'one and only', or was he dating up
a storm?

This is very important.

I know people whose 'one and only' has
been away and will date as if they have
one week to live. They are not cheating
per se, they are relieving sexual tension.

If when the 'one and only' returns and the
person continues this promiscuity then this
person would be unable to be faithful.

[kjersi]

my husband....he was dating up a storm...i guess...but i believe its all in the situation..he was a real smooth talker..everything changed with me...all men are different and all situations are different..i just dont believe its safe to say once a cheater always a cheater

[mr.mansview]

my husband....he was dating up a storm...i guess...but i believe its all in the situation..he was a real smooth talker..everything changed with me...all men are different and all situations are different..i just dont believe its safe to say once a cheater always a cheater

i have to agree with "kjersi"..i had a good friend years ago who's wife refused him sex for so long that when another women showed interest in him, he caved..turned out his now ex wife had cheated on him..blew his mind since she seemed to have little interest in sex from day one..he remarried and says that he has never desired another women since..sure what he did was wrong, despite the circumstance, but he has no reason to lie to me, he said it was just a one time thing..

[ariel]

Leopard never changes its spots..

Till now my ex still lie!! I knew he was unfaithful in the past yet he lied even till now.. What are the men thinking? well i don't mean to say only men cheats.. Girls do that too.. Just that all the guys i met are a bunch of horrible liars.. that made me hated them soooooo much..

[gosse]

hi im alyssa mother of 2 and i found out myself about 2 weeks ago now on my own

that my husband cheated on me for at least 3 months, how i found out was going

through our e-mails and found one from a girl that said they were together last week

so i asked him about it and i go to show him the e-mail and it magically disapeared

so i knew he new there was something i knew, then i also decided to look futher and found her e-mail address and i e-mailed her and asked how she knew him and she said she's his girlfreind and i said oh well iam his wife. she goes on saying oh he said you were seperated now for 6months and so on. then i said i wanted her to call here and i want to hear for myself if it's true , so she did and he new that i knew know cause he heard me talking and freaking out on her so ya. he says it'll never happen agian and how can you trust agian after that he says he want's to go to counsilling but i said he stes it up because i didn't cheat you did. can you please send some advice to me please thank you Alyssa

[ariel]

i think if you still wants to save this marriage, you guys should try counselling.. you should see whether he is sincere or not.. i'm sure you can feel it.. but you'll always be living in fear that will he do that again..