Hi all! So this may be lengthy, so please bear with me.
So I've been engaged to my fiancé since early last year. I had previous problems that I had posted on here but those have been ironed out, dealt with and everything is peachy between him and myself.
To begin, I'll need to open my history book on my past with myself as well as my biological mother. Firstly, I had a birth defect when I born.double Cleft lip/cleft pallet. This lead to many many surgeries, and a very very boring and painful childhood. Upon the age of seven my parents split due to my dad cheating on her. They had a very very violent fight in which us kids (1 older brother 1 older sister) were locked out of the house while my mother was beaten and hospitalized for bruises and a fractured nose. After their very vocal and abusive divorce, I had a reconstructive surgery in which my palette needed structure and the sinus closed. The surgery involved partial hip bone removal and doctors used it to form a new palette. This was also a very very difficult time for me, as I have always been close to my dad. My dad came a few days after the surgery and where I was 6 at the time I was unaware of the actual damage done emotionally towards the family. My mother slapped me in my fresh stitches and retainer to help the reconstruction not collapse. I knew right then that I should stay away from her. As the divorce battles continued, my brother moved in with my dad and new stepmom, and her daughter. My mother had countless men in the house where she would lock us in the room and tell us to shut our effing mouths and not talk. After some time of her excessive men, she met a man and ended up marrying him. Myself and my siblings didn't like him, we felt he was a fake. I took to my stepmom very quickly. She (unintentionally) took over the full time mommy duty my own mother couldn't fulfill. My dad and stepmom had another child after they we're married and I have a very deep best friend connection with. As the years of abuse(it's way too much to go into) went on, I kept it to myself thinking, "okay I suppose for some reason I deserve this." Being told that the only reason I wasn't left at the hospital upon birth and seeing my defect was because SHE wanted me. Which was a total lie. My dad has always been a proactive and strong part of my life. After years and years of drama, bs, lies, police calls, being thrown into the streets, I called it quits with her September of 2012. She accused my fiancé and I of stealing money that (most likely) didn't exist. She's always been completely horrible with money handling which is why my dad divorced her in the first place. Ironically, her child was in debt to my fiancé of 300 dollars for a laptop he promised to pay for with his job. This was the exact amount we were accused of taking. Understanding that I would never steal from my parents, and the fact that this was an incredibly bad fabricated story. There was absolutely nothing factual that could even lead anyone to believe we could do this. She had done this to my sister a few years before while I lived in Florida( my family lives in Oklahoma). Then tried to accuse me of magically taking it while living there. Apparently I can teleport and steal money. As I told my siblings the situation I was in, they had my back. But ALWAYS go back to her! She's a very manipulative and vindictive person. She can guilt trip you if you eat a Cheeto. (Bad example but you get the point) I wrote her a very lengthy letter informing her of my informal divorce from her as an adult child, and pointing out the oh so many abuses and lies I've dealt with. As I do no live in Oklahoma anymore, the stress of her isn't a prominent one. My stepmom has always been supportive, loving, caring and wonderful to me. But my siblings treated her like crap for so long she no longer accepts them in her life, which I can't blame her. One can only take so much abuse until the rope snaps. I see her posts on Facebook about how she loves her two kids, posts individual things about their accomplishments. I never hear or see anything like this. I didn't get a phone call on my birthday from anyone but my grandmother. Where in an adult I don't care if it's just a hello! Happy bday! As long as the recognition is there. She finally admitted to me that she has a wall built up so she doesn't get hurt..where in happy I learned this..it deeply upsets me. My siblings ruined her to ever try to truly accept me. That hurts so much.
On to the monster...ahem ..mother in law.. I never talked to her much when my fiancé and I first got together, because she lived in Alabama whereas I lived in Oklahoma. When we moved here for his job, i was fully aware of her and her characteristics presented by my fiancés explanations. She was currently talking to another man intimately(which is cheating in my honest opinion) and speaking of leaving to be with him, all the while telling my fiancé and his sister of this man!!! So I knew she was probably a little crazy. After moving here, my fiancé told his dad about her infidelities and she texted him very mean and hurtful things. He had asked me what to do, and I said do not respond. If she can't speak as an adult then she doesn't need to speak until she calms down. So he didn't respond. She later put a status on Facebook telling EVERYONE "don't have kids, they only end up breaking your heart." Seriously?! You told your KIDS you were cheating on THEIR dad! Who's really breaking hearts here? My fiancé didn't feel it was his responsibility but he couldn't see his dad sit in the dark when he really is a very good man. He doesn't drink, curse, or anything. I'm sure there are problems within the marriage itself, but if you're looking at other men or women, leave and save the heartache of the other person.
After this episode, we finally saw them around Christmas time in which we went to their house. They have a traditional Christmas dinner, but eat things I do not eat as well am not accustomed to. So I politely declined. Not to mention the food tasted horrible. So I faked a stomach ache(it was THAT bad) and we left shortly after having small talk and awkward silences. I did get somewhat close to his mother for a small while. She confided in me things I probably shouldn't know. I have told my fiancé about the important ones that concern his dad and his family. From what she's explained to me, she's always looking for someone to replace her husband, but hasn't found anyone. This past Christmas, I offered to help(but ended up making it all) dinner. While I don't boast or consider myself conceited in any way, I taught myself to cook and have become pretty good! While in the company of my fiancé she told me that I would never become a good chef because I didn't eat what she cooked last Christmas. At the time I was indulging in going to school fot culinary arts. Which hurt my feelings more than anything. I know I'm a good cook, I'm told by everyone I cook for. Including her! So my fiancé stood up for me and told her if she didn't think I could cook then don't eat dinner. After that I stopped talking to her altogether. A few hellos and how are you's, but otherwise nothing. She constantly calls matt( my fiancé) asking him to get her crap from the grocery store she could so easily get off her *** she plants in front of her laptop all day and all night talking to men in front of her husband who is blissfully unaware(or is and is hoping someone takes her). She's offended me before telling me I can never make it as a chef, or as a cake decorator because I was unemployed for so long. Telling me to go back to Oklahoma and find someone there. She too, is accusing me of something completely childish and idiotic recently. When she does leave their house, she spends 30-40-50 dollars on junk foods. She accused first my fiancé and I of eating them. Which...I'm not a fan of store bought cookies and cakes. I prefer to always make my own. So that being said, she says, "I believe YOU Matt." Okay so you think I did this? When on earth would I ever possibly do this? In not exactly sure what it is with mothers disliking me, but I can assure you, I haven't done anything to instigate hatred. She constant belittles me, comments about certain things with certain dishes. Complains I do laundry too often. Complains I clean the floors with pine-sol. Every little bitty thing is nit picked and I am so done with being treated like dirt beneath someone's shoe. She is unemployed herself. Is not and has not been actively searching for work while her husband is eyeballs deep in bills. She doesn't clean house, cook dinner, or do her or her husbands laundry. I'm not saying it's a woman's duty, but I do think if you are unemployed the least you could do is help out around the house. I'm OCD clean freak. I have to have things clean and in order. My fiancé told me after this last incident happened (a few nights ago) that he doesn't like admitting it but he hates his mother. I can't say I blame him, but it truly hurts that the mothers I see around me, and in society, treat their kids so terribly. I don't know how to cope with this mother in law situation. I'm fully aware a lot of women hate their in laws. But this is deeper than that. She acts (more or less) like my biological mother. This psychological issue they have is one in the same. The issue I have with my biological mother and his mother had grown to a full blown hatred. I very much dislike hating someone. But she literally leaves me no choice. We are currently living with his parents due to my unemployment issues, but I have since found a job..in a bakery doing cake decorating. This being an incredibly new job hasn't allowed us much room to save money to move out. So after my incredibly looooooong history, how do I deal with this woman without going super saiyan on her? How do I refrain from saying something that is on the tip of my tongue everytime I see her? It has literally gotten to the point where it's **** near impossible to hold back. Do we talk to his supportive dad? Do we just keep it to ourselves? I'm going literally crazy. Thanks for reading my novel. Haha. Sorry it's so depressing.
Jenn.
So I've been engaged to my fiancé since early last year. I had previous problems that I had posted on here but those have been ironed out, dealt with and everything is peachy between him and myself.
To begin, I'll need to open my history book on my past with myself as well as my biological mother. Firstly, I had a birth defect when I born.double Cleft lip/cleft pallet. This lead to many many surgeries, and a very very boring and painful childhood. Upon the age of seven my parents split due to my dad cheating on her. They had a very very violent fight in which us kids (1 older brother 1 older sister) were locked out of the house while my mother was beaten and hospitalized for bruises and a fractured nose. After their very vocal and abusive divorce, I had a reconstructive surgery in which my palette needed structure and the sinus closed. The surgery involved partial hip bone removal and doctors used it to form a new palette. This was also a very very difficult time for me, as I have always been close to my dad. My dad came a few days after the surgery and where I was 6 at the time I was unaware of the actual damage done emotionally towards the family. My mother slapped me in my fresh stitches and retainer to help the reconstruction not collapse. I knew right then that I should stay away from her. As the divorce battles continued, my brother moved in with my dad and new stepmom, and her daughter. My mother had countless men in the house where she would lock us in the room and tell us to shut our effing mouths and not talk. After some time of her excessive men, she met a man and ended up marrying him. Myself and my siblings didn't like him, we felt he was a fake. I took to my stepmom very quickly. She (unintentionally) took over the full time mommy duty my own mother couldn't fulfill. My dad and stepmom had another child after they we're married and I have a very deep best friend connection with. As the years of abuse(it's way too much to go into) went on, I kept it to myself thinking, "okay I suppose for some reason I deserve this." Being told that the only reason I wasn't left at the hospital upon birth and seeing my defect was because SHE wanted me. Which was a total lie. My dad has always been a proactive and strong part of my life. After years and years of drama, bs, lies, police calls, being thrown into the streets, I called it quits with her September of 2012. She accused my fiancé and I of stealing money that (most likely) didn't exist. She's always been completely horrible with money handling which is why my dad divorced her in the first place. Ironically, her child was in debt to my fiancé of 300 dollars for a laptop he promised to pay for with his job. This was the exact amount we were accused of taking. Understanding that I would never steal from my parents, and the fact that this was an incredibly bad fabricated story. There was absolutely nothing factual that could even lead anyone to believe we could do this. She had done this to my sister a few years before while I lived in Florida( my family lives in Oklahoma). Then tried to accuse me of magically taking it while living there. Apparently I can teleport and steal money. As I told my siblings the situation I was in, they had my back. But ALWAYS go back to her! She's a very manipulative and vindictive person. She can guilt trip you if you eat a Cheeto. (Bad example but you get the point) I wrote her a very lengthy letter informing her of my informal divorce from her as an adult child, and pointing out the oh so many abuses and lies I've dealt with. As I do no live in Oklahoma anymore, the stress of her isn't a prominent one. My stepmom has always been supportive, loving, caring and wonderful to me. But my siblings treated her like crap for so long she no longer accepts them in her life, which I can't blame her. One can only take so much abuse until the rope snaps. I see her posts on Facebook about how she loves her two kids, posts individual things about their accomplishments. I never hear or see anything like this. I didn't get a phone call on my birthday from anyone but my grandmother. Where in an adult I don't care if it's just a hello! Happy bday! As long as the recognition is there. She finally admitted to me that she has a wall built up so she doesn't get hurt..where in happy I learned this..it deeply upsets me. My siblings ruined her to ever try to truly accept me. That hurts so much.
On to the monster...ahem ..mother in law.. I never talked to her much when my fiancé and I first got together, because she lived in Alabama whereas I lived in Oklahoma. When we moved here for his job, i was fully aware of her and her characteristics presented by my fiancés explanations. She was currently talking to another man intimately(which is cheating in my honest opinion) and speaking of leaving to be with him, all the while telling my fiancé and his sister of this man!!! So I knew she was probably a little crazy. After moving here, my fiancé told his dad about her infidelities and she texted him very mean and hurtful things. He had asked me what to do, and I said do not respond. If she can't speak as an adult then she doesn't need to speak until she calms down. So he didn't respond. She later put a status on Facebook telling EVERYONE "don't have kids, they only end up breaking your heart." Seriously?! You told your KIDS you were cheating on THEIR dad! Who's really breaking hearts here? My fiancé didn't feel it was his responsibility but he couldn't see his dad sit in the dark when he really is a very good man. He doesn't drink, curse, or anything. I'm sure there are problems within the marriage itself, but if you're looking at other men or women, leave and save the heartache of the other person.
After this episode, we finally saw them around Christmas time in which we went to their house. They have a traditional Christmas dinner, but eat things I do not eat as well am not accustomed to. So I politely declined. Not to mention the food tasted horrible. So I faked a stomach ache(it was THAT bad) and we left shortly after having small talk and awkward silences. I did get somewhat close to his mother for a small while. She confided in me things I probably shouldn't know. I have told my fiancé about the important ones that concern his dad and his family. From what she's explained to me, she's always looking for someone to replace her husband, but hasn't found anyone. This past Christmas, I offered to help(but ended up making it all) dinner. While I don't boast or consider myself conceited in any way, I taught myself to cook and have become pretty good! While in the company of my fiancé she told me that I would never become a good chef because I didn't eat what she cooked last Christmas. At the time I was indulging in going to school fot culinary arts. Which hurt my feelings more than anything. I know I'm a good cook, I'm told by everyone I cook for. Including her! So my fiancé stood up for me and told her if she didn't think I could cook then don't eat dinner. After that I stopped talking to her altogether. A few hellos and how are you's, but otherwise nothing. She constantly calls matt( my fiancé) asking him to get her crap from the grocery store she could so easily get off her *** she plants in front of her laptop all day and all night talking to men in front of her husband who is blissfully unaware(or is and is hoping someone takes her). She's offended me before telling me I can never make it as a chef, or as a cake decorator because I was unemployed for so long. Telling me to go back to Oklahoma and find someone there. She too, is accusing me of something completely childish and idiotic recently. When she does leave their house, she spends 30-40-50 dollars on junk foods. She accused first my fiancé and I of eating them. Which...I'm not a fan of store bought cookies and cakes. I prefer to always make my own. So that being said, she says, "I believe YOU Matt." Okay so you think I did this? When on earth would I ever possibly do this? In not exactly sure what it is with mothers disliking me, but I can assure you, I haven't done anything to instigate hatred. She constant belittles me, comments about certain things with certain dishes. Complains I do laundry too often. Complains I clean the floors with pine-sol. Every little bitty thing is nit picked and I am so done with being treated like dirt beneath someone's shoe. She is unemployed herself. Is not and has not been actively searching for work while her husband is eyeballs deep in bills. She doesn't clean house, cook dinner, or do her or her husbands laundry. I'm not saying it's a woman's duty, but I do think if you are unemployed the least you could do is help out around the house. I'm OCD clean freak. I have to have things clean and in order. My fiancé told me after this last incident happened (a few nights ago) that he doesn't like admitting it but he hates his mother. I can't say I blame him, but it truly hurts that the mothers I see around me, and in society, treat their kids so terribly. I don't know how to cope with this mother in law situation. I'm fully aware a lot of women hate their in laws. But this is deeper than that. She acts (more or less) like my biological mother. This psychological issue they have is one in the same. The issue I have with my biological mother and his mother had grown to a full blown hatred. I very much dislike hating someone. But she literally leaves me no choice. We are currently living with his parents due to my unemployment issues, but I have since found a job..in a bakery doing cake decorating. This being an incredibly new job hasn't allowed us much room to save money to move out. So after my incredibly looooooong history, how do I deal with this woman without going super saiyan on her? How do I refrain from saying something that is on the tip of my tongue everytime I see her? It has literally gotten to the point where it's **** near impossible to hold back. Do we talk to his supportive dad? Do we just keep it to ourselves? I'm going literally crazy. Thanks for reading my novel. Haha. Sorry it's so depressing.
Jenn.
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