[Babywinter]

Hi I am just looking for some answers? A number of months ago I met a woman that I fell in love with...she was in a marriage but not happy...I am a lesbian. She has since come out to her husband who she feared as he is very controlling. After many lengthy conversations she and I dated more openly and to his suggestion she started staying with me during the work week as it was closer to her work place. I was very happy... She was too..but only after 3 weeks she started to slide into a depression and has sinced moved back to here house as she pays the mortgage with her ex husband they sleep in different bedrooms and are now friends... She told me she needs to do this in order for our relationship to not suffer as she needs to deal with much stuff there. I get some of it but recently she tells me in order for us to move I to a healthy relationship she needs to set boundaries and limit out communcation and times together...we spent everyday chating texting meeting up when we could then living basically together and then this... Am I missing something here or is this sonething that someone has to do? She is depressed I see and get that but if she lives me like she said she does then why is she pushing me away? Is this just a cover up when she says she needs to be healthy for our relationship to move forward? So confused...I will be seeing her tonight to get the boundary list...I will ask some of those questions.

[jen1447]

It sounds like a ditch to me, sorry. When two people love each other, the honest answer to issues is never seeing less of each other. When you're in love, you'll do anything to see more of each other, no matter what. She may have got cold feet, or her hubs is holding her down or something to that effect. I'd get some straight answers if I were you, and don't settle for anything that rings your BS bell. Putting off the whole truth will only hurt you ultimately, and you deserve to know it.

p.s. - Anything along the lines of "we need to set boundaries, I can only see you once every two weeks in order for our relationship to move forward" sounds like a pretense for relegating you to a booty call. I'd resist that if I were you, unless you're ok with just hooking up for sex.

[Claret]

I agree it sound as if there is no future in this relationship. It seems that she doesn't quite fear her husband as she's moved back in with him. They are probably trying to work things through and you don't have any place in what is going on. If I were you I think I'd probably exit gracefully and leave them to figure it out. The list sounds like it would be a deal breaker for me. People in serious, going-forward relationships don't make lists.

Do you consider that she may be uncertain of her sexuality? She may need to figure this out prior to having any relationship either male or female.

[Pollon]

I'd guess that you were at the right time and place to help your friend make some difficult decisions and changes in her life that she was too scared to make alone. One was ending her marriage and the other to explore her sexuality.

You got her past those steps and now that the pressure is off, she is trying to figure out what's next for her life. The husband/ex-husband didn't turn out to be everything she feared and homosexuality may not have been everything she'd hoped.

Whatever the case, it sounds like you were serving a role in her life but she wasn't ready for a genuine and full relationship. That, unfortunately, is the risk you take when you start dating someone who hasn't fully finished their previous relationship.

I'm guessing she's going to be telling you that she cares for you and appreciates what you did for her, but she's not ready for a relationship until she "figures things out."

Good luck