[CHANDLERS WISH]

Also, I'm an Australian, and we have outstanding government benefits here, however maybe not nearly enough to support ourselves in the long run. I would love to work, I really would, however I need to go to uni as well so studying takes up my casual week hours, and childcare only runs during those hours.

You'll be amazed at not only the support but the empathy. I am Australian.

Childcare though is an issue. But, our Government offers rent assistance, child care, your "man" would have to pay child maintenance support, Centerlink will ensure that he does but your main thing is to leave the relationship as a "friend" so that he is in your child's life and wants to be.

You can do on-line courses or learn to work from home.

Do you have family that can assist with babysitting?

It's awesome that you are furthering your career .

[effy2014]

I appreciate that you came back and read through the thoughtful responses. It is not easy to be criticized but you have taken it in the spirit it was given ... supportive and empathetic.

Your priorities in moving forward need to be your daughter and your education. Education will give you a way to break your family cycle and be able to support yourself and your child.

Your posts have further supported our words of caution about the new love interest. You are clearly starved for love and affection and feel you need it from a man. The problem (as in the 3 month cycle you described) is that we are sometimes blind to the negative aspects of a relationship when we receive constant affection during the courtship phase only to have the bad side revealed when the real relationship begins. Try to find love in your child, within yourself and with friendships. Find a support group or friendship group around the studies you want to start. You seem to be so isolated that it is either a new boyfriend or nothing. Search for new friends more accepting of your motherhood.

[Claret]

, i want to seek guidance in how to take the next step towards my happiness- especially being one who has only ever thrived off being loved and/or needed by someone else.

This statement by you speaks volumes. It tells me that unless you are in a relationship that is constantly feeding your need to feel loved and needed by someone else then you don't feel good about yourself. This means also that when the first blush of this new relationship settles into ho hum everyday being together, that you will probably feel the same way you do now.

And, then on to a new relationship, new person????

Perhaps what you need is time to be on your own, by yourself, or as much as you can with a child. If this is important to you, you will find a way to earn a living (even if it's meager) go to school (perhaps to ease the day-care problem you could take night classes) and find out who you are on your own not attached to a SO that you hope will feed you what you think you need. IMO what you need is a good dose of self-confidence and realization of who you are without anyone else.

Most universities have counselling services that they will provide to their students. Perhaps you can make an appointment with them to set up some sessions. When you become the person you can be, you will make better choices, you will become a better mother to you child, and will be able to provide a positive role model for her.

Then, instead of the guy choosing you, you will be able to choose a guy with those qualities that you want to see in a partner.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

makes him even angrier and he will act to strike me, throw things, punch wall, then give me the silent treatment, or even drive off to be with friends.

He probably does want it to work and there are two sides to every story. Your personalities clash, we don't know what you say in front of him that may send him into anger BUT, it's evident that he has anger issues and perhaps anything can trigger it.

Perhaps as he's older and you 21, he feels all he has to do is wear you down enough and support and you'll stay a young woman next to him, perhaps he is doing it for his child.

What you are not doing, is acting in your child's interest and I'm sorry to say that.

I am a Property Manager as well as in sales and I have a 21 year old residing in one of my landlord's properties. She has a boyfriend, all-be-it that he wasn't there originally but he is now. There is yelling, the Police get called, there are holes in the wall and now she is pregnant with his child and happy? I've tried to help her but now I need her out as the adjoining property has a young lady who is 25 and quite frankly a bit frightened of the guy.

I think to myself, what about the child? He sees the walls being hit with this man's fist that he is expected to view as his "Daddy". He hears the yelling and screaming. She is part Aboriginal and told the tale of her family as well, she went it alone on Center-link and I helped her out. Then she met this guy.

Sure it's tough. But you are 21. Your child will be able to go to day care in the near future and the Government helps out there a bit too, you will gain friends, you can study on-line, you will survive but your child will no longer hear the constant fighting, see fists being thrown about. How is your child going to grow up if you stay? What are you teaching here? It's "ok" to get mad, throw fists at walls?

When the going gets tough, the tough get going.

You need to be responsible now for your child. You are hoping that if you left, this new guy would take you "in" and "on" and then financially you'll be safe.

Stand on your own two feet, you can do this and see what enters your life as life progresses.

You don't have to be like your Mother but I'm sure she neglected you, don't neglect your child this is your chance to show a difference in your child's world to not feel like you did growing up.

You can do this.

[Catat0nic]

Again, thank you for your response. The advice I'm receiving is exactly what I'd sought.

It's a tough time in my life, relationship wise, and it will be hard for our daughter, however I am seeking help from a school counsellor and hopefully she will be able to point me in my next direction.

Your advice is appreciated, particularly because I do feel I'm staying for the baby, however I can see how it would hurt her to see the fighting and the sadness. I'm definitely not intending on having more children, if that's what you were implying. I know I'm unhappy, and I'm going to find a way to get through this. I certainly won't cut my partner out of my life, and I think we might actually become friends if we were separated.

Thank you ladies, really.

[atskitty2]

Keep coming back to update us Cat. We'd love to continue to support you & see your progress.