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  • Cheated...

    I'm 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend for over two years. Recently he went off to college and things haven't been easy for us. He's an athlete so it makes things worse with his schedule and girls going after his attention and his friends. They always go out and I'm stuck 500 miles away at home going to community college and working full time . Recently I made the biggest mistake of my life and I cheated and I've never felt so disgusted with myself. When it happened I was on the verge of breaking things off for awhile because we had gotten into the biggest fight we've ever had and we hadn't spoken in three days . I know it doesn't justify anything but we never go a single day without talking so this was big deal . When I wanted to fix things and talk he chose to go out and party with his friends . But as the ordeal happened and I was going to do it he comes and apologizes and has been fantastic . Now I feel terrible . I don't know what to do . I want to tell him to ease my own guilt but I know that's not right . I don't want to tell him because he's such an amazing person to me and to everyone he's around . I love him so much and I know I'll never do anything like that again but I don't know what to do . I don't deserve him , but this is truly the person I want to marry and be with and by doing this I just broke my own heart and I don't want to break his.

  • There was another thread few months back on this topic . . . do you or don't you tell your partner about a one-off affair. I was in the minority on this and I am sure that I will be again. If this is truly a one-off moment of weakness and anger, I would NOT want to know if my SO cheated and I would not say a thing. It may assuage your own gilt but the knowledge will add a pile of crap and stress to his. Your punishment is to live with the guilt and the knowledge that you did a rather unseemly thing. It will also temper your anger if you found out, in a similar moment of weakness, your BF cheated as well.

    I will say, if this is not a one time event and the relationship is the problem, then you need to confess and the two of you need to try to fix the relationship. Make sure that you are tested for STDs and that you have completely broken off any possibility that the man will never be in your life again.
    "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"


    • In my experience there is a law of moral causality as sure as the physical one. It's scarier because it's not predictable. You don't know when it's coming or if the reaction will be equal and opposite. You only know it's coming.

      The only way I know to deal is head on. I don't think it's wrong to do it for yourself. You're not an evil, worthless person because you made a mistake. I do think that holding it in can make you a worse person and bad relationship material. It starts a pattern of secrecy and hiding. The opposite is needed for success long-term. You're cheating both him and yourself. And if he finds out later the price could be heavier.
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126


      • It is a tough one really because this is your life.

        We wouldn't be human if we didn't make mistakes.

        I as a woman tend to think, when we are hurt we become vulnerable and in that vulnerable moment as a young woman, we "may" make a mistake that we then regret.

        What I would like you to consider is this. The way you have written that, you didn't appear to be upset "until" he apologised and then all of a sudden your emotions went hay wire and guilt swept in, reminders of "love" and future.

        Also, your concern for his athletic abilities, girls liking him, him going out all the time and you are home alone, wondering if he in fact is cheating. You know? You don't actually know whether he is or isn't, has or hasn't himself.

        This is my advice. You are young. Both of you. Chances of straying for what ever reason can happen, it's life.

        You don't actually know whether or not you two will marry one day. Things change, we mature, paths become friendships and no longer go in the direction we thought that it would.

        You felt that, at that time, it was almost over and it hurt.

        Carry on with your relationship, see where it goes. If you establish further down the track that it's not meant to be, then you won't marry each other and in that case, there is nothing to say.

        Leave the skeleton in the closet, whilst I agree that it's wrong to keep things from someone you love, you are not married or close to even getting to that point and anything can happen.

        If you swear that you wouldn't do it again in another weak moment then lesson learnt for this guy or any future partner.

        If you do get married further down the track. I probably myself, would then spill and hope that there is enough love to over come it, as it was history and you were young at that time .

        If he's the right guy, hopefully he would see exactly that, at that time.



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