[desperatehousewive]

I need some opinions on this. I met a guy a few months ago at a bar. He told me upfront he was married but said he wants a divorce( I also just got divorced and could sympathize with his situation). He claims his wife cheated on him a bunch of times( he claims he's never cheated on her) and he doesn't trust her anymore and said they both live in the same house but sleep in separate beds, do their own thing and put on a show like everything is fine for the relatives. The day after I met him I did an internet search on him and ended up finding his wife on myspace ( so now I know what she looks like and everything about her) Anyway, he wanted me to email him but I never did (didn't want to get involved in all this)- he is also 8 years older than me too.

Anyway a month after meeting him I ran into him at the same bar I met him at and also saw his wife at the bar that night too( recognized her from her myspace picture). I actually danced next to her on the dance floor all night and he watched. I knew all along it was her that I was dancing next too but didn't tell him that I knew it was her. He ended up talking to me that night while she was at the bar and didn't seem to care that she was there. He told me he had been going to that bar looking for me every week and he told me to email him again(but didn't say anything to me about who his wife was) . I did notice that they left at separate times too- they took separate cars to the bar.

Anyhow, I ended up emailing him and we've been seeing each other ever since, but only on the weekends. WE usually meet at a bar and have some drinks. I finally ended up telling him that I know who is wife is and that I found her on myspace. He said he is glad that I know who she is and what she's like(pretty wild) and what he has to deal with. Anyhow, last weekend his wife went out of town. I went over his house and we had sex for the first time! It was great but I am so confused.

Part of me is completely falling for him now, part of me wants to still search for another guy, then I get mad cause I only see him once a week. We never talk on the phone, only email. When I don't see him for a week I start forgetting about him( well not completely) but when I see him it's like everything is fine and I get soooo into him again. He actually seemed like the type of guy who WOULD really leave her for me, but now who knows?

Actually a few weeks ago I told him I didn't want to see him anymore and we stopped for 2 weeks but now................

[metalbudderfly]

hey there desperatehousewive, it is my opinion you should find someone else. i don't think it is fair to you that you have to have limited contact with this man. finding someone who is unattatched would make things much nicer for you and also more fulfilling. just knowing he is still living in the same home as his wife would drive me nuts. also who knows what goes on at his home behind closed doors. he could tell you anything. i wouldn't expect him to leave his wife for anyone. i know when i got divorced i was out of the home in my new place as soon as i could. people get divorced for a reason and i think most don't even want to be around each other let alone live in the same home when it comes down to it. save yourself the grief and move on. there are too many fish in the sea to be wasting your time on a married man.........

[alibaby]

Not a good idea

Hi desperatehousewive.

If you want to get rid of the confusion that you're feeling, don't waste your time on this man, whether he's claiming to want a divorce or not. He's married and you take second place (maybe third) to his wife and family...and whatever else he has going on in his life when you're not around...Too much mess to get yourself involved in and not worth the trouble it can cause you.

[Little]

Tell him to e-mail you when the divorce is final.
If he wants it, he can get it. It's not hard.
There are a ton of threads on this very subject, but I don't know how far down they've dropped on the list, so this is the jist:
Some guys just have to cheat, and they'll tell you anything to do it.
But they can't have a mistress unless they have a wife too.
Look for someone else, for your own good.

[C]

He and his wife have an Open Marriage. This way they can both rock and roll at anytime. They are married to each other and have sex with each other when they want to but have set their own rules on what they will do. They play....They have fun......That is their life style.....She was probably playing with her new boy toy the weekend she was gone........She has no worry about you nor he her.......It is their lifestyle.....

Of course this is just my thoughts but you are part of his play time....

[Dragonfly]

Find someone else!!! You have become the other woman! You can't count on what this guy says. Find someone else!

[commonsense]

falling

I need some opinions on this. I met a guy a few months ago at a bar. He told me upfront he was married but said he wants a divorce( I also just got divorced and could sympathize with his situation). He claims his wife cheated on him a bunch of times( he claims he's never cheated on her) and he doesn't trust her anymore and said they both live in the same house but sleep in separate beds, do their own thing and put on a show like everything is fine for the relatives. The day after I met him I did an internet search on him and ended up finding his wife on myspace ( so now I know what she looks like and everything about her) Anyway, he wanted me to email him but I never did (didn't want to get involved in all this)- he is also 8 years older than me too.

Anyway a month after meeting him I ran into him at the same bar I met him at and also saw his wife at the bar that night too( recognized her from her myspace picture). I actually danced next to her on the dance floor all night and he watched. I knew all along it was her that I was dancing next too but didn't tell him that I knew it was her. He ended up talking to me that night while she was at the bar and didn't seem to care that she was there. He told me he had been going to that bar looking for me every week and he told me to email him again(but didn't say anything to me about who his wife was) . I did notice that they left at separate times too- they took separate cars to the bar.

Anyhow, I ended up emailing him and we've been seeing each other ever since, but only on the weekends. WE usually meet at a bar and have some drinks. I finally ended up telling him that I know who is wife is and that I found her on myspace. He said he is glad that I know who she is and what she's like(pretty wild) and what he has to deal with. Anyhow, last weekend his wife went out of town. I went over his house and we had sex for the first time! It was great but I am so confused.

Part of me is completely falling for him now, part of me wants to still search for another guy, then I get mad cause I only see him once a week. We never talk on the phone, only email. When I don't see him for a week I start forgetting about him( well not completely) but when I see him it's like everything is fine and I get soooo into him again. He actually seemed like the type of guy who WOULD really leave her for me, but now who knows?

Actually a few weeks ago I told him I didn't want to see him anymore and we stopped for 2 weeks but now................

As long as he feels he'll be able to have you both that is what he will do. If you really want to see if he wants you and she is as bad as he "says" she is then stop seeing him and tell him he can contact you when they get a divorce. This will prove to you whether he is serious or not.

[Rasberrt]

I sorta understand...

I recently developed a crush on a married guy but have decided to stay away. I have always been totally turned off by married guys but I have been single for a while so I'm sure the fact that he showed me a little attention was intriguing (although I'm embarrassed to admit that out loud. )

The bottom line is you will do what you want. Your head is telling you it's wrong (which is why you posted here) but your heart is telling you it's right, (which is why you are still seeing him.) The heart is a tricky devil. It can convince us that what is good is bad and what is bad is good and the part of us that should take over and make the right decision (the brain) is drowned out by this powerful device (the heart) which is usually detrimental.

I think you should read stories on the net from other women who have had their hearts broken and lives crushed by this same type of scenario. Here are few things I've learned just by reading:

1. Married men will tell you ANYTHING. You will never be able to verify the info so why wouldn't they lie? Besides, what woman wants to hear the truth which is: "I am bored having sex with the same person and I miss feeling desirable to other women. I love the conquest of having a woman fall in love with me. I'll find a lonely woman with low self esteem and play with her feelings, all the while using her for sex when my wife is away and never plan to be with her because she is obviously not trustworthy if she sleeps with a married man. Furthermore, I can also convince her to do things my wife won't do because she's too desperate to realize that the few moments we spend together aren't special, they are specifically designed to keep her longing and wanting more, thereby making it easier for me to continue to use her for years to come."

2. Married men don't leave their wives for the other woman 90% of the time.

3. You will likely not be the only other woman.

4. The other woman will ALWAYS be second to the wife who gets the car, the money, the really good love making, unlimited access to her husband and all the family events and holidays.

It's not worth it.