[CHANDLERS WISH]

Jason, I too think that if she thought you were a player, then haven't engaged in a proper relationship for years but are trying with her and it's long distance, perhaps she was setting you up, wanting you to get jealous.

I think you should have her visit you as Effy suggested.

I find it strange to introduce you to her family unless there is something there, as you've now stated you are both in your 30's.

And, after calling her names she still has come back.

She may not get the entire story straight if it was an "act".

Has she "ever" appeared to have played mind games with you over the internet, via emails, text messages. Perhaps she has a side of her that is like that.

As for whether perhaps she wants you in her life, she appears to have ignored your drunken antics.

I did ask a question before and I am still curious, have you spent money on her other than the 2000 euros to get to see her. Helped her financially in-other-words.

[JasonParkins]

Jason, I too think that if she thought you were a player, then haven't engaged in a proper relationship for years but are trying with her and it's long distance, perhaps she was setting you up, wanting you to get jealous.

I think you should have her visit you as Effy suggested.

I find it strange to introduce you to her family unless there is something there, as you've now stated you are both in your 30's.

And, after calling her names she still has come back.

She may not get the entire story straight if it was an "act".

Has she "ever" appeared to have played mind games with you over the internet, via emails, text messages. Perhaps she has a side of her that is like that.

As for whether perhaps she wants you in her life, she appears to have ignored your drunken antics.

I did ask a question before and I am still curious, have you spent money on her other than the 2000 euros to get to see her. Helped her financially in-other-words.

I'd totally be able to get over those emails as she said "he was a distraction and i thought you might have been having second thoughts". But that 1 particular emails saying that she wishes they'd met without me or her family there. Thats the killer, i think that means she totally was into this guy and was ****ed maybe that she couldn't act on it because i was there? She did keep asking me to kiss her anytime i went to the bar etc, she was standing by the bar all night talking to him or her cousin. I can't remember if she was asking me to kiss her infront of him or not.

To answer your question! no no no lol! she hasn't asked me for any money! I'm just saying the 2000 was the cost of the tickets, the hotels etc. She paid for one of the 3 hotels (i was in one alone, we shared 2). and thats not a bad thing, it was a strange holidays, i landed the day before she did and stayed alone one night so thats one hotel, i then had to get a 6.5 hour busride up to the second hotel which was 10 mins from the party house (her sisters). we stayed there the first night as we hadn't seen eachother in months, we stayed at her sisters for 2 nights, then we drove back down to where i landed and stayed there for a night. She wasn't making me stay in hotels away from her family, it's just we wanted some alone time etc.

Can someone break down her emails to him. She was sober, she'd just woken up. I'd told her she made me feel like an outsider infront of everyone and i said i honestly thought when i got home i'd never hear from her again. So i said "take a week to decide if you want me in your life or not" so she said she would but she didn't need to. Then the emails came. If you guys can work out what she was thinking, whether or not she was just flirting with the guy or whether or not she was setting up a real meetings and maybe her next partner who she obviously seemed to prefer to me considering she spent most of the night with him.

[JasonParkins]

We met once before when she was here. we spent a week together previously.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Let me look again at the emails a bit later, working at present.

I don't recall her stating away from you and the family off by memory, it stated "family" ... But, let me have another look.

Jas have you had any further communication with her since the last one?

I get the Hotel now Should have come naturally to me as it makes perfect sense..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Jas. neither of you mentioned "boyfriend" only family ie) your pretend text messages and her answers.

So let me ask you. Would "this guy" have definitely been curious as to whether or not she had a boyfriend? Did he see you, see you leave with her? This is important to be able to answer you.

But, honestly at 30 plus? These are childish games are you sure you want to play games or are you looking for someone special, mature who loves you visa versa and no games.

[effy2014]

You will never know ;p
Besides we haven't even been on a date yet!? How easy do you think this is?? STICKINGTONGUEOUTFACE lol
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i was SO gonna sneak off with you outta that bar and go back to my hotel room with you lol,
i bet that woulda been fun! not sure if you were wearing anything appropriate under your clothes hm?
From: jasonparkins883********hotmail.com
To: drukenc********hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Hello again Goegrous...
Date: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 16:38:42 +0000

omg i still can't forget that butt of yours! maybe if i were to see some of you again
i might be able to stay an extra day there! omg you make me so excited!
i was lookin in my phone, did you give me your number or did i give you mine? spent aggges looking
and couldn't see it lol
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Lol Well you won't be far in a few weeks, maybe you'll get a second chance? .
I thought you were yummy and charming and I def wish we could have met without my family there. haha

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we''l be in Ajax, Gerogina and Waterloo i think!
i gotta say, it's a shame we didn't have a kiss te other night, i SO wanted to kiss those lovely lips of yours..

You know what i thought of you, what did you think of me then Wink
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Haha Not intentionally. WINKYFACE
And nice words like those, how could a lady resist a reply. ... Coming to Ontario in a few weeks? Where in Ontario are you coming? My bday is in a few weeks WINKYFACE
Sent from my iPhone

-----------------------------------------------------------------
leavin me hangin huh WINKYFACE
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Lol well its all true!
I kinda thought you liked me so im definitely surprised you contacted me back!
Im from Vancounver yep!
U said you're from Ontario right??
Im actually gonna be in Ontario in a few weeks!!

Wow its so great to hear from you again!
Are you single etc? xxx
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.... Love struck... Most gorgeous woman... Amazing... Blushing ****************
What a lovely e-mail to wake up to!! SMILYFACE
Of course I remember, you were definitely a refreshing sight to see. WINKYFACE
That's funny about my Dad. I didn't know he was doing that. Lol What were you doing in St. John's anyway? You said you were from Vancouver, right?
I honestly didn't think I was gonna hear from you, so this is a pleasant surprise for sure, Mr Johnson! WINKYFACE
Cxxxx x
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Hello again Miss St Johns!
I figured i left it long enough to contact you without seeming desperate
after we met the other night at the bar!
I hope you don't mind me contacting you, i was pretty love struck from the second
i saw you in there with your family i gotta say!

Was kind of awkward the other night trying to talk to you with ur whole family there
so this is me following up and hoping i don't get rejected by the most gorgeous woman
i saw the entire weekend!
I presume you remember who i am right? lol, we spoke a few times at the bar
and your dad kept trying to pull you away from me hah, cute.

So thats me anyway, just letting you know that i thought you were amazing, and i hope
to hear from you again soon!
.

Before I attempt to analyze the email conversation from her perspective, I need to write a few things. First, I know nothing about your GF. Absolutely nothing. Second, other than her on-line persona, you have had face to face contact for about 2 weeks in 5 months. IMHO you do not know enough about her to make wedding plans. People are vastly different on line than in person. Third, I am going to make some assumptions that may or may not be warranted. If you find them insulting or incorrect, I apologize in advance.

Background

I don't think Raindancer is too far off from her personality analysis. She is clearly flirty. She must have told you about being flirty (or some story about it) because you mentioned it in a conversation ("babe I'd be so embarrassed ....."). You communicated possessiveness (I will leave out the word jealousy) in that conversation as well. The part that is odd, even bizarre, is what happens at the end of the evening .... You, as the hurt male, ask if she is going home with him, she says to you to take her home in a sexy voice, you do and the two of you have crazy sex. But that didn't put the issue to rest for you. Before you leave to go back home, you give her the ultimatum and then get home and pen the fraudulent emails.

She has the same lack of knowledge about you. You seem to be a great guy that she has fallen for, but you are possessive. Then you have sex . . . then you imply that she is a **** and needs to think about her behavior . . . then you leave and don't contact her. How would you objectively view your own behavior? She also doesn't think that she did anything wrong. Did she flirt with a guy? No more than usual. She asked you to kiss her in front of him but you were the one who withdrew. The flirting made her sexuality ramp up that the two,of you had crazy sex. Then you get all ****y and leave, perhaps out of her life forever.

Emails

Look at them from her eyes, not yours. She is completely confused (at best) by your behaviors. She doesn't think she did anything wrong. You gave her mixed signals. Oh, and by the way, after 5 months of romancing her, you knew how she would react to each written word.

The first email of yours played to her weakness. Polite, complimentary, love struck without being overtly sexual. You, in fact, were being you, the man who wooed her with words. Her response was predictable and consistent with her personality. She loves being complimented and courted.

You then persist. You raise the ante by saying that you are going to be in town. She doesn't respond. If you dropped it, she may never have responded to "him" again. But you persist again (don't leave me hanging).

Her next email was the obvious . . . when/where. Could she have gotten a date over this? Sure. You are in England. You were being a jerk. Was she supposed to never go out until the two of you were permenently together? Was that the deal?

Her response (maybe get a second chance . . . he was yummy) was nothing too committal. It was not an invitation for sex. It was that he might get a date with her. I see it from her perspective. You might be gone. Or, if not gone, you need her to accept a possessive guy and be less who she is.

The next emails from you get raunchy. Out of character for a guy like you but you wanted "him" to be raunchy. Her response was entirely appropriate. She might meet him for a drink, but don't expect sex -- how easy do you think I am?

Conclusion

The two of you do not know much about each other. You have different personalities. If you are not the jealous and possessive type, you would never have given her the warning about leaving you alone at the bar, never have sulked while with her and never would have set her up with the emails. The more concerning issue to me is that you paused from your hurt just long enough to use her for sex then get hurt again.

She is a flirt and will drive you crazy in social situations. That said, I don't think the emails reveal anything more about her or your relationship.

[atskitty2]

I have to say, I found one of your first statements very interesting. You said something about being "inseparable" via text or phone...for that first 5 months or so. You weren't in the same place, you weren't in the presence of each other personally. You were separate except for 2 wks, completely separate. I think your sense of reality is a little askew. I know that was probably just an expression to describe how often you were in contact, but I think it demonstrates your mindset here, and it's not being realistic. So, your expectations were out of line with reality as well.

I have done some online dating. I also have family I keep in touch with over skype & other such programs. There is no way to know someone, without spending time with them personally-a lot of time. There are so many variables that enter into play. Men I've chatted up for weeks, thought they were stellar people, have turned out to be utter creeps with a few in-person meetings.
On the flip-side, people I know in person for years to be talkative, exciting people, upon skyping with them, turn into quiet, reserved people, because they aren't as comfortable with the setting of web cams & the impersonal touch of it all. We just don't get to see a true representation of anyone via internet or phone, or anything else.

I think you both have some growing up to do, some examination of what it is you're really looking for in a relationship, and how your own perceptions may be interfering with obtaining that type of relationship.
I think when a relationship goes this wrong, this early, that it's really indicative of compatibility and another similar circumstance will likely occur. I don't disagree with those who suggest giving it another go, but I think a change of perspective needs to be made by both of you.

[JasonParkins]

I have to say, I found one of your first statements very interesting. You said something about being "inseparable" via text or phone...for that first 5 months or so. You weren't in the same place, you weren't in the presence of each other personally. You were separate except for 2 wks, completely separate. I think your sense of reality is a little askew. I know that was probably just an expression to describe how often you were in contact, but I think it demonstrates your mindset here, and it's not being realistic. So, your expectations were out of line with reality as well.

I have done some online dating. I also have family I keep in touch with over skype & other such programs. There is no way to know someone, without spending time with them personally-a lot of time. There are so many variables that enter into play. Men I've chatted up for weeks, thought they were stellar people, have turned out to be utter creeps with a few in-person meetings.
On the flip-side, people I know in person for years to be talkative, exciting people, upon skyping with them, turn into quiet, reserved people, because they aren't as comfortable with the setting of web cams & the impersonal touch of it all. We just don't get to see a true representation of anyone via internet or phone, or anything else.

I think you both have some growing up to do, some examination of what it is you're really looking for in a relationship, and how your own perceptions may be interfering with obtaining that type of relationship.
I think when a relationship goes this wrong, this early, that it's really indicative of compatibility and another similar circumstance will likely occur. I don't disagree with those who suggest giving it another go, but I think a change of perspective needs to be made by both of you.

It's not online, we didn't meet online, we never speak online. We met because we work for the same company.

[effy2014]

It's not online, we didn't meet online, we never speak online. We met because we work for the same company.

"On-Line" really refers to the fact that this was a long distance relationship in which the two of you have not seen each other more than a few weeks (if that) over your 5 month relationship. You learned about each other entirely through texts, chats and phone calls, not face to face in real time. I'm not sure that is much different than meeting on line.

There is no reason to be defensive. We are only giving you our thoughts and comments.

[JasonParkins]

Before I attempt to analyze the email conversation from her perspective, I need to write a few things. First, I know nothing about your GF. Absolutely nothing. Second, other than her on-line persona, you have had face to face contact for about 2 weeks in 5 months. IMHO you do not know enough about her to make wedding plans. People are vastly different on line than in person. Third, I am going to make some assumptions that may or may not be warranted. If you find them insulting or incorrect, I apologize in advance.

Background

I don't think Raindancer is too far off from her personality analysis. She is clearly flirty. She must have told you about being flirty (or some story about it) because you mentioned it in a conversation ("babe I'd be so embarrassed ....."). You communicated possessiveness (I will leave out the word jealousy) in that conversation as well. The part that is odd, even bizarre, is what happens at the end of the evening .... You, as the hurt male, ask if she is going home with him, she says to you to take her home in a sexy voice, you do and the two of you have crazy sex. But that didn't put the issue to rest for you. Before you leave to go back home, you give her the ultimatum and then get home and pen the fraudulent emails.

She has the same lack of knowledge about you. You seem to be a great guy that she has fallen for, but you are possessive. Then you have sex . . . then you imply that she is a ******** and needs to think about her behavior . . . then you leave and don't contact her. How would you objectively view your own behavior? She also doesn't think that she did anything wrong. Did she flirt with a guy? No more than usual. She asked you to kiss her in front of him but you were the one who withdrew. The flirting made her sexuality ramp up that the two,of you had crazy sex. Then you get all ********y and leave, perhaps out of her life forever.

Emails

Look at them from her eyes, not yours. She is completely confused (at best) by your behaviors. She doesn't think she did anything wrong. You gave her mixed signals. Oh, and by the way, after 5 months of romancing her, you knew how she would react to each written word.

The first email of yours played to her weakness. Polite, complimentary, love struck without being overtly sexual. You, in fact, were being you, the man who wooed her with words. Her response was predictable and consistent with her personality. She loves being complimented and courted.

You then persist. You raise the ante by saying that you are going to be in town. She doesn't respond. If you dropped it, she may never have responded to "him" again. But you persist again (don't leave me hanging).

Her next email was the obvious . . . when/where. Could she have gotten a date over this? Sure. You are in England. You were being a jerk. Was she supposed to never go out until the two of you were permenently together? Was that the deal?

Her response (maybe get a second chance . . . he was yummy) was nothing too committal. It was not an invitation for sex. It was that he might get a date with her. I see it from her perspective. You might be gone. Or, if not gone, you need her to accept a possessive guy and be less who she is.

The next emails from you get raunchy. Out of character for a guy like you but you wanted "him" to be raunchy. Her response was entirely appropriate. She might meet him for a drink, but don't expect sex -- how easy do you think I am?

Conclusion

The two of you do not know much about each other. You have different personalities. If you are not the jealous and possessive type, you would never have given her the warning about leaving you alone at the bar, never have sulked while with her and never would have set her up with the emails. The more concerning issue to me is that you paused from your hurt just long enough to use her for sex then get hurt again.

She is a flirt and will drive you crazy in social situations. That said, I don't think the emails reveal anything more about her or your relationship.

Thanks so much for this. She keeps telling me "im not as bothered as you are because i know the guy didn't mean anything to me". yet you say yourself there that after only meeting him for a few mins she's willing to go on a date with him on her birthday...
She said she was trying to hook him up with her sister at the bar, and she told him she had a boyfriend.
Yet she tells him "i wish we'd met without people being there for sure". whats she saying would have happened then? ugh. We're back talking now.
Do i just ditch this girl, is she gonna put me in situations like that again?
The thing that hurts me most is, as i said, i've never been a jealous person. ever.
I actually do't care if she gets hit on and flirts when she's out with her friends as i actually take it as a huge compliment.
I even took the guy being dumbstruck by her as a huge compliment. But i hate when a guy is looking at me because
he's chatting to my girl thinking "man if you weren't here.. i'd be totally gettin laid". if you get me?