[SashaJones]

So my bf left me bc i wouldn't have the abortion and he didn't want any more kids. Bc of all the stress i had a miscarriage. I called to let him know and he asked me to come stay with him for a couple of days. He took care of me until i felt better. Now we are back together. Im confused.

[effy2014]

What are you confused about? Your BF was irresponsible and had unprotected sex knowing that he did not want any more children. He took the risk of you wanting the child. Rather than take the responsible approach, which, in my view, would have been to be supportive of you in the pregnancy, he dumped you.

Now that you are without child, he can have a relationship with you. Consoling you doesn't present any issues for him. So he can be nice so he can have sex with you again.

If the confusion is what should you do, I think that it is painfully obvious. He wants sex and you want a relationship that includes children. Will he dump you again if you have an issue that he doesn't want to handle . . . say a medical or emotional condition?

[SashaJones]

He says he wants a relationship just without new kids. He loves being around my kids he just doesn't want any more of his own. Im confused about everything. When we broke up i told him tht i loved him and he said it back. I just dont understand.

[Motorguy]

Well Sasha, he loves you but he doesn't want any more kids. If you love him and he loves you then your sex life stays solid he should get a vasectomy then this really shows he loves you. It's his right not to want any more kids, so take that chance out of having anymore kids by getting snip and taking all doubts you can't get pregnant again. Now if he doesn't want to get snip then there is issue with what he saying. So that would be confusing to you then. Maybe having a serous talk with him on what his plans are with you and him and get a straight answer for him with new kids and all.

[effy2014]

He says he wants a relationship just without new kids. He loves being around my kids he just doesn't want any more of his own. Im confused about everything. When we broke up i told him tht i loved him and he said it back. I just dont understand.

I hate to ask again, but "confused about everything" does not help us respond in a way the might be helpful to,you. What specifically confuses you about his behavior? He has given you his explanation about why he broke up with you. Are you finding it difficult to accept his reasoning and current behavior? If so, what don't you understand?

[Euphoric]

I'll add this from experience. You're confused because your hormones and emotions are all over the place. When you conceive, your body produces hormones that aren't normally present on a day to day basis. When you have a miscarriage, those hormones plummet rapidly. Add in the stress of getting pregnant and losing the man you love because he didn't want anymore children, then losing a baby you obviously wanted and was willing to carry to term, alone... You felt you owed it to him to let him know he got his wish, not through abortion, but due to a miscarriage. He opened his arms and you fell into them. Whether or not you consciously thought about it, you were able to recover half of what you lost, thus helping to ease the pain. And while he has taken care of you through this, I believe part of your confusion lies in wrestling with how he would have treated you had this not occurred. The true essence of who he is doesn't necessarily shine in post care actions, but in how he treated you upon learning about the pregnancy. He walked out without looking back.

The thorn in his side has been removed so he's once again "willing."

I'm concerned. If he was willing to walk away from you because of something he contributed to, how might he react when the chips are down of no fault on his behalf? All relationships go through trials and tribulations, is he a runner? (Runs the other way when things aren't in his favor?)

[SashaJones]

Euphoric you clearly understand. Exactly what you said. My confusion is how he says he loves me but then leaves me. He has a right not to want any more kids. The way he reacted, well it was messed up but no one is perfect. I know im far from perfect. His every day actions clearly states that he loves me. But i am wondering what else would he run from.

[SashaJones]

Honestly i do have my doubts about him. Kinda wish my feelings would stray away from him. But he is so good to me. Before and after the pregnancy he is the perfect bf. But thats whats so confusing to me.

[effy2014]

Isn't this the same man who refused to answer any of your questions about what he did with his friends but demanded to know what you were doing when he called? That was in August (after a relationship of 5 months) and you were questioning whether he was cheating.

He was not so good to you before the pregnancy, then left you to handle the baby on your own. If you think Euphoric gets you, then re-read her post. Her concern is extremely valid . . . what will he do when the next issue happens that he is not prepared for? Will he cut and run?

[SashaJones]

He was good to me before the pregnancy. He didn't want me asking him questions but besides that he was very good to me.