[peggy2of9]

Hello. My very difficult sister in law just lost her husband. He was 52. I have always been very nice to her because although she is especially unpleasant, she was my relative after all. It was a good idea: we have a good relationship. I have been making the 2 hour drive to see her every weekend since her husband died about a month ago. She really appreciates the support. My husband is a lot older than me, and his health is poor; he probably won't live more than a few more years. Well, my sister in law has asked me what I was going to do when he died, and if she could move in with me. The truth is that I could never Never live with her. She is negative and argumentative and critical and has lots of other bad characteristics.
I told her that I do not know what I will do when I lose my husband, and while that is true, it just avoided answering her question. Can anybody tell me how to tell her no, especially at a time like this?

[JubesInquest]

Your husband is alive.

I think it's horrible and weirdly gruesome for someone to come up to you and ask you if they can move in with AFTER your husband dies.

I understand she's grieving and we all grieve in our own way: but I could not tolerate someone saying that to me.

She needs a support system... furthermore, does she have family she can live with?
I'd have to tell her I don't even wish to think about my spouse not being here. The best thing your sister-in-law can do is try to make her OWN living arrangements right now, in the present, because you will make your own living arrangements when the time comes.

[LadyLane]

Grieving people say a lot of strange things and make odd requests. Right now her grief is very fresh and she is concentrating on the fact that she is alone and is scared of always being alone.

You don't have to answer the question, at all, ever. Of course you don't know what you will do if and when your husband passes, and its an unthinkable situation!

I imagine she is thinking of all the lonliness that is ahead, but time heals all wounds. If she has friends and hobbies, in time she won't recall ever asking that question or that you never answered.

I also think you're a wonderful sister-in-law for making that journey every weekend. It is wonderful to have support like yours during a bad time.