[ms.unsure1981]

my boyfriend and i recently got engaged and before the engaged me he informed me that his ex girlfriend was having a baby. we waited and waited for these twins to show up. she never called. now at the end of the month, which is a month passed the time the babies were due she calls and says she had the babies at the beginning of the month and that one of the babies are not doing to well. He is just a man and excited about becoming a father so he is not thinking in terms of the story sounding fishy. now i am feeling like walking away and calling off everything. why is he so naive? what should i do? i want to investigate the situation but his mother says that i have no right .

[alibaby]

This is a really touchy situation that you're in. I don't feel that you should go digging up dirt on him...that could cause all kinds of extra stress that you don't need. But you do have every right to know what's going on in his life if you are going to marry him. The ex and the babies will become a part of your life too. You need to have a sit-down talk with him about this situation and base your decision about your relationship on what he says and how you feel. If he's not willing to talk, I would reconsider marrying him.

[alibaby]

something else to consider...

Is he sure that the twins are his?

[ms.unsure1981]

the thing is that i feel like they are his and i am willing to accept the situation but it is still painful. and then how do i know that the babies' mother is going to accept me and allow the babies to be around me?

[sourpuss]

Have you met her?

[ms.unsure1981]

no i have not met her yet. i have spoken to her before on the phone. but should i feel threaten by him wanting to go to see the babies the first time by himself?

[ChelseaRenee]

no i have not met her yet. i have spoken to her before on the phone. but should i feel threaten by him wanting to go to see the babies the first time by himself?

I definitely understand you wanting to be completely involved in that, and one day very soon, you will be in their lives. But I think he's thinking in terms of just seeing his babies- He's probably worried about tension between the two of you (his ex and yourself), and just wants a calm, perfect first meeting with his children. If this becomes something that happens a lot, I'd get a bit worried, but until then, just understand he probably just wants conflict-free time with his kids.

[C]

my boyfriend and i recently got engaged and before the engaged me he informed me that his ex girlfriend was having a baby. we waited and waited for these twins to show up. she never called. now at the end of the month, which is a month passed the time the babies were due she calls and says she had the babies at the beginning of the month and that one of the babies are not doing to well. He is just a man and excited about becoming a father so he is not thinking in terms of the story sounding fishy. now i am feeling like walking away and calling off everything. why is he so naive? what should i do? i want to investigate the situation but his mother says that i have no right .

Take your time before you walk into this marriage. It is not easy to walk into a ready made family. Then you must add all the problems that could be brought on by this both now and in the future. The financial burden is just one of them and this will affect you as well as your husband-to-be.

These should be happy and wonderful times planning for your marriage and your life together. This is a pretty big burden. Just make sure that your back is strong enough to carry this load......I wish you well...C

[JubesInquest]

Really good points raised here!
I'd take all the advice posted here, because each person made a wise statement regarding the situation.

[Rasberrt]

I say...

If you are going to marry this guy why wouldn't you be there to see the kids? Aren't they going to be a part of your life too or is the Mom only going to let them see him and not you? Have you asked? If not, why not? Stop being scared of him and his family and ask the questions that you need to ask before deciding to marry a man who you apparently think is going to have a whole other life going on outside of your relationship. That is what you are supposed to do before getting married, an engagement ring and/or a wedding date does not mean you stop asking questions. I don't know why her story sounds fishy to you but if you want to see the kids or be with him when he goes then he should not have a problem with that. If the Mom has a problem with that, find out why. If they are truly over, she shouldn't care that his future wife comes along to see the kids. The main thing is to talk to him about it and let him know how you feel being on the sidelines while he gets familiar with his new family. You should definitely be a part of that process.