[anonymouswhitefemale]

If this was a male situation, my advice would be to headbut him or throw him in the river, or at least some lesser form of direct retaliatory reaction. But men do things simply.

As for how I, as an insensitive man, would react to this specific situation - I would think exactly what the most hurtful, self esteem crushing and belittling things I could think of, and next time she was snide to me in front of other people I would publicly dissect her, with the primary aim being to draw tears. If for some reason you can't do this publicly, I would suggest some sort of private psychoanalysis/intimidation.

It seems like you have some sort of care for this person,
as you said things being as they are you can't talk to her, but she started this attack, you should finish it desicively. The same goes for physical and mental violence, if someone starts it - the ball's in your court to give them a smashing.

If you want, if you sent me a picture of her I could photoshop something scandalous for you, which you could threaten to put up all round the office or whatever.

I've had some experience with the male end of bullying, and it's only ever stopped when I've stood up to it, you need to show them who's boss, that you don't care what you think, that they and what they do means nothing to you, and that you can seriously kick some **** if needs be.

[sourpuss]

If this was a male situation, my advice would be to headbut him or throw him in the river, or at least some lesser form of direct retaliatory reaction. But men do things simply.

As for how I, as an insensitive man, would react to this specific situation - I would think exactly what the most hurtful, self esteem crushing and belittling things I could think of, and next time she was snide to me in front of other people I would publicly dissect her, with the primary aim being to draw tears. If for some reason you can't do this publicly, I would suggest some sort of private psychoanalysis/intimidation.

It seems like you have some sort of care for this person,
as you said things being as they are you can't talk to her, but she started this attack, you should finish it desicively. The same goes for physical and mental violence, if someone starts it - the ball's in your court to give them a smashing.

If you want, if you sent me a picture of her I could photoshop something scandalous for you, which you could threaten to put up all round the office or whatever.

I've had some experience with the male end of bullying, and it's only ever stopped when I've stood up to it, you need to show them who's boss, that you don't care what you think, that they and what they do means nothing to you, and that you can seriously kick some **** if needs be.

Heh heh, funny thing I posed this same question on a board that is 99% male and I got about 50 responses just like this one.

I wish that I could just walk up to her and tear into her. (and believe me, I'd have plenty of material)

A little background. She is my coach's wife. (I box competitively) I take it VERY serious and it is something that I want badly. At this point she is the only thing standing in my way. I feel it is irresponsible on my coach's part to allow someone to negatively affect his athlete's performance. Especially in a sport where their person safety is at stake. The problem is that she has bullied him for the last 20 years and it's like he's build up a defense system where he's always making excuses for her or joking to cover up the insults. She wears the pants in the relationship for sure. She comes to the gym (even though she doesn't coach or work out) she goes on all the trips even though there are other athletes who would like to go but there isn't room in the car. She doesn't coach or take off on her own in these different towns, she just sits there and belittles everyone. (she's a control freak obvisously)

Anyway, today my coach confronted me about my attitude and said that he didn't think I was mentally ready to compete at US Nationals this year because I wasn't showing any emotion. Well, I don't because any hint of anything from me and she's right there to pounce on me. So I just recoil and turn inward and get really quite and try to disappear so she'll let me alone. (you guys wouldn't believe the things she says)

So I emailed him today and asked if we could go to lunch and talk about 'my mental attitude'. I'll just try to lay it out in a polite way that she is bringing me down and can she please not come on the trips anymore. A **** storm will probably ensue as soon as he mentions it to her but I have to get it off my chest, at this point it is affecting my performance. There is no point in working my *** off (literally) 6 days a week, only to be beaten down and exhausted emotionally by the time I step in the ring.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.....If I don't post here again it's because she went on a crazy murderous rampage....RIP sourpuss. Hahah.

[C]

Heh heh, funny thing I posed this same question on a board that is 99% male and I got about 50 responses just like this one.

I wish that I could just walk up to her and tear into her. (and believe me, I'd have plenty of material)

A little background. She is my coach's wife. (I box competitively) I take it VERY serious and it is something that I want badly. At this point she is the only thing standing in my way. I feel it is irresponsible on my coach's part to allow someone to negatively affect his athlete's performance. Especially in a sport where their person safety is at stake. The problem is that she has bullied him for the last 20 years and it's like he's build up a defense system where he's always making excuses for her or joking to cover up the insults. She wears the pants in the relationship for sure. She comes to the gym (even though she doesn't coach or work out) she goes on all the trips even though there are other athletes who would like to go but there isn't room in the car. She doesn't coach or take off on her own in these different towns, she just sits there and belittles everyone. (she's a control freak obvisously)

Anyway, today my coach confronted me about my attitude and said that he didn't think I was mentally ready to compete at US Nationals this year because I wasn't showing any emotion. Well, I don't because any hint of anything from me and she's right there to pounce on me. So I just recoil and turn inward and get really quite and try to disappear so she'll let me alone. (you guys wouldn't believe the things she says)

So I emailed him today and asked if we could go to lunch and talk about 'my mental attitude'. I'll just try to lay it out in a polite way that she is bringing me down and can she please not come on the trips anymore. A **** storm will probably ensue as soon as he mentions it to her but I have to get it off my chest, at this point it is affecting my performance. There is no point in working my *** off (literally) 6 days a week, only to be beaten down and exhausted emotionally by the time I step in the ring.

Thanks for all the advice everyone.....If I don't post here again it's because she went on a crazy murderous rampage....RIP sourpuss. Hahah.

He will stick up for her because he is pu*sy whipped and you must out shout him and stick up for yourself. Plead your case. Let's face it, he is just plain freightened of her. Like you said, she runs him. Look at yourself as representing all women and if you have to take her on too meet with her....Good luck......

I guess I am kind of the same kind of a person that will not take any s*** from anyone.....Go for the Gold Girl......

He will stick up for her because he is pu*sy whipped and you must out shout him and stick up for yourself. Plead your case. Let's face it, he is just plain freightened of her. Like you said, she runs him. Look at yourself as representing all women and if you have to take her on too meet with her....Good luck......

I guess I am kind of the same kind of a person that will not take any s*** from anyone.....Go for the Gold Girl......

I just realized I used one of my husband's expression's without thinking of what I was saying. This is another bad habit I have. Talking before thinking.....Let me edit this here........He is "Crotch Whipped" and that is a hard act to follow after 20 years, but go get her girl.....

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Start sleeping with your coach!!!!!

[sourpuss]

Hahaha! You guys are cracking me up.

Well, I'm having lunch with him in less than an hour to discuss her bullying me. He has no idea what I want to talk about so I hope it doesn't come as too much of a shock, but I'm guessing that it won't. He has to know what she's like, they've been married for over 20 years I'm sure it's not the first time he's had to deal with it.

I hope it goes well.....we will see.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Good luck. I believe I speak for all of us when I ask you to tell us how it went...

(I watched that film about the female boxer with Clint Eastwood in it yesterday, strange coincidence)

[LadyLane]

Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

Reading what you wrote, I think that you shrinking back is allowing her to think that you accept her behaviour and are afraid of her.

Are you afraid that if you and she get into it, your coach will drop you? Would he do that?

It is VERY irresponsible of him to allow her to have any kind of negative influence that affects your performance and your mental state. I hope at lunch you let him know and he didn't turn it around on you.

She's obviously jealous of you, that's my read on it. Its time to assert yourself. Most people hate confrontation. But when its time, its time. She needs to be put in her place.

[C]

With some women this is their power play. They rule their partner's and if they have the opportunity they will make another woman feel inferior to them. It is their way of making themselves feel superior. I believe Sourpuss had said that she was overweight. This is her flaw. She cannot change it but an easy way for her to cover it up is to be superior in her actions. Sad as it is, it makes her feel better about herself.....Then she has a wimp for a husband so who is to argue????