[trying2recover]

Good morning. So here's my story - any/all advice is much appreciated. On Sept 1, 2007 I found out my husband was having some sort of extramarital relationship (i discovered a racy text message in his save folder from Aug 26)- I immediately confronted him and he spent the entire day denying the claim- though finally by midnight, he admitted that while away on business across the country he had reconnected with an 'old friend' and claims he only met up with her 2x for dinner only and nothing else. he was devastated and couldnt keep himself together. i of course was in shambles, mainly because here we were, newly married at 8 months and my husband had already cheated on me. To be truthful, i strongly believe in woman's intuition- i had had this bad feeling that he had kept avenues open... i found this woman on myspace- and learned that she had never been in this same area and soon realized it must have been an online relationship- which i found all the more horrifying. my husband and i spent much time discussing and he strongly felt that he wanted to be commited to us, and finally in december made it clear to this woman that he was not interested. (he told her 2x in front of me, but she persisted- he finally sent her a formal notice). anyway, my problem now is: he says he is committed, he is working hard towards us- but i am still having trouble trusting him, and also sadly, i keep getting horrible visions of what happened. i truly feel traumatized. if it doesnt appear in my day, then i am ridden with nightmares. and now here i am on a saturday morning, 6 months after i found out, awake so early because i am so consumed. i have considered going to a counselor but this area is very small and has limited resources. hence i came to the web... Please send along any advice you have- i want to make it forward, i just am having trouble getting there!! Thanks for your time and reading.

[C]

I Will Try To Help..

I am probably less qualified than anyone to answer this but I will try. Weekends are slow here.

I am so sorry for the pain you are going through....You can't trust him. He has made this evident. He has lied. Now if you love him stay with him. BUT I sure would take precautions that you don't get pregnant until your marriage is all that it should be in your eyes. Again use your intuition. You must learn to show your trust for him even though you may not feel it. He must have hope that things will work out. Yet you must keep an eye open for anything that may be going on. If he proves himself over time, I think you will sense it. At that time that woman that is driving you wild with all the memories will fade. Until that time she will continue to be a haze that stays in the back of your mind. Time is your only ally here....But honey try and let it go.....let it be over...

I would say keep a strong sexual relationship going with him despite the fact that you are hurting inside. Don't give him any cause to wander. What he has done is pretty rough and you will know inside as a woman if this is forgivable. Try and find some peace. There are a lot of great women here with much experience in life to help anytime you ask.....I know the heart can actually hurt when something like this happens.....But it can also heal with time....

[macybelle]

Time and alot of soul searching. Trusting again is not easy and he has to earn that trust. But you also can't always bring up the problem. Throwing it in his face is not good for moving forward. I'm not saying you are doing that but most women do so I'm just giving you some friendly advice. You will forgive him one day but you will not forget it.
I wish I had a magic thing for you to do but only time and his good behavior are going to make a difference. Have you thought about making a blog and making it like a journal. You could even make it anonymous and just vent your hurt, frustrations and get it all out.
I'm sorry if this is horrible advice but I went through a bad spell in my marriage about 7 years ago that I thought I would never get over. I am not the most forgiving person but we are going strong. We had been married for 8 years. I hope it all works out for you. Take of yourself.