[just4me]

First i'll start by saying i'm new here,,hello all. Second I'll start by saying I was kinda scared about posting my problem here because before I joined I read alot of posts here and my issue is one that it seems "has been done to death around here". Yes I am involved with a married man...or should I say was. I have been with him for 3 years and it is a long distance relationship. He is in Canada and I am in the states. Anyway there have been many, many problems through out our time together. The final thing was in December after he came to visit me for Christmas I found out he was not only cheating on his wife with me, but he was also cheating on both of us with another woman. We broke up after I found this out. We have still been in contact and have fought, screamed, cried over all of it. He wants to be friends and eventually hopes we can get back to what we had. Of course part of me still wants him because of the time I have spent with him. Yes i've heard it all from him, the wife is this and that, his marriage is awful, he won't leave til his kids are outta school. And yes I know he isn't ever gonna leave. He tells me i'm his soul mate, that if i leave him for good he couldn't and can't function without me. I know its all bull cause he once again showed his true colors this past Sunday by cussing and screaming at me. MY ISSUE is I know I have to go, I am even seeing a therapist to help me with this. But everytime he contacts me I let him back in only to get hurt again and again. My therapist says he is very manipulative and he seeks out women like me, cause this isnt his first go around, if you know what I mean. I can be so strong until I hear from him then I cave. And he starts all his crying again, then my heart breaks for him. If I went thru everything that has happened I could type for days, lol. And of course his classic is everything is always my fault. ANYWAY I know I have to get away from him I just can't seem to find that inner strength I know I have to do get away from him once and for all. I even know that I don't feel the same way for him that I once did but its like he still has this hold over me that I can't seem to break off FOR GOOD. Any feed back will be nice to hear.

"Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, Love Truley. Laugh uncontrollably, AND NEVER REGRET ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE"

[bluesapphire315]

First i'll start by saying i'm new here,,hello all. Second I'll start by saying I was kinda scared about posting my problem here because before I joined I read alot of posts here and my issue is one that it seems "has been done to death around here". Yes I am involved with a married man...or should I say was. I have been with him for 3 years and it is a long distance relationship. He is in Canada and I am in the states. Anyway there have been many, many problems through out our time together. The final thing was in December after he came to visit me for Christmas I found out he was not only cheating on his wife with me, but he was also cheating on both of us with another woman. We broke up after I found this out. We have still been in contact and have fought, screamed, cried over all of it. He wants to be friends and eventually hopes we can get back to what we had. Of course part of me still wants him because of the time I have spent with him. Yes i've heard it all from him, the wife is this and that, his marriage is awful, he won't leave til his kids are outta school. And yes I know he isn't ever gonna leave. He tells me i'm his soul mate, that if i leave him for good he couldn't and can't function without me. I know its all bull cause he once again showed his true colors this past Sunday by cussing and screaming at me. MY ISSUE is I know I have to go, I am even seeing a therapist to help me with this. But everytime he contacts me I let him back in only to get hurt again and again. My therapist says he is very manipulative and he seeks out women like me, cause this isnt his first go around, if you know what I mean. I can be so strong until I hear from him then I cave. And he starts all his crying again, then my heart breaks for him. If I went thru everything that has happened I could type for days, lol. And of course his classic is everything is always my fault. ANYWAY I know I have to get away from him I just can't seem to find that inner strength I know I have to do get away from him once and for all. I even know that I don't feel the same way for him that I once did but its like he still has this hold over me that I can't seem to break off FOR GOOD. Any feed back will be nice to hear.

"Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, Love Truley. Laugh uncontrollably, AND NEVER REGRET ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE"

Well there is no doubt that you need to leave this guy. He is manipulative and he is just using you. His cries, and saying that his marriage is horrible, etc. are just ways for him to lure you back in again, which is the way he manipulates. In my opinion, if his marriage was so awful, he wouldn't still be in it. This guy is clearly a liar and a jerk that has his way with women, disrespects them and its an ongoing cycle that won't stop. I haven't been in this situation myself, but I have known people that have had similar problems. Some of these men end up abusing these women (especially since they are manipulative and it usually happens when they feel like they are losing control) and make them feel like worthless pieces of cr*p and make them feel like they don't deserve any better. They make them feel like the best they deserve is feeling horrible about themselves and getting hit. No women deserves that. You deserve better than him.
You need to tell him that you are sick of his manipulative ways. You are sick of him yelling, screaming, lying and disrespecting you. This guy is never going to change. If you decide to continue to be friends again, he will use one his stategies to make you cave, then that makes you part of the cycle again. You need to tell him that you deserve better than him, because you do and basically tell him to hit the road that leads its way out of your life.

Best of luck with everything, hope this helps!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

First i'll start by saying i'm new here,,hello all. Second I'll start by saying I was kinda scared about posting my problem here because before I joined I read alot of posts here and my issue is one that it seems "has been done to death around here". Yes I am involved with a married man...or should I say was. I have been with him for 3 years and it is a long distance relationship. He is in Canada and I am in the states. Anyway there have been many, many problems through out our time together. The final thing was in December after he came to visit me for Christmas I found out he was not only cheating on his wife with me, but he was also cheating on both of us with another woman. We broke up after I found this out. We have still been in contact and have fought, screamed, cried over all of it. He wants to be friends and eventually hopes we can get back to what we had. Of course part of me still wants him because of the time I have spent with him. Yes i've heard it all from him, the wife is this and that, his marriage is awful, he won't leave til his kids are outta school. And yes I know he isn't ever gonna leave. He tells me i'm his soul mate, that if i leave him for good he couldn't and can't function without me. I know its all bull cause he once again showed his true colors this past Sunday by cussing and screaming at me. MY ISSUE is I know I have to go, I am even seeing a therapist to help me with this. But everytime he contacts me I let him back in only to get hurt again and again. My therapist says he is very manipulative and he seeks out women like me, cause this isnt his first go around, if you know what I mean. I can be so strong until I hear from him then I cave. And he starts all his crying again, then my heart breaks for him. If I went thru everything that has happened I could type for days, lol. And of course his classic is everything is always my fault. ANYWAY I know I have to get away from him I just can't seem to find that inner strength I know I have to do get away from him once and for all. I even know that I don't feel the same way for him that I once did but its like he still has this hold over me that I can't seem to break off FOR GOOD. Any feed back will be nice to hear.

"Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly, Love Truley. Laugh uncontrollably, AND NEVER REGRET ANYTHING THAT MADE YOU SMILE"

Hi just4me.

More power to you for seeing a therapist as it is more than apparent you want out, just can't find the door, as it keeps opening just that little bit and the wind comes through and blows you away for just an instant.....

You also say that you don't feel the same anymore but can't seem to break it of for good.

That's a start and also i would suspect, because you found out there was a (3rd) so it's not possible that you are his "soul mate" and even if he was honest, honest men don't have three on the go. He has the power and likes the power and no man wants to lose that power once gained. He, simply is trying to keep everything the way it was, in fact i would bet if he could have a 4th, he'd be doing that to. Or if he could change his employment so he travelled to 10 states, he would have 10 women, power.

My suggestion is, one, change your home telephone number to silent, and change your mobile number so he can't contact you.

If your car lives outside, and he turns up on your door step, go out the back door, over the **** fence and go for a walk.

If he can't contact you, you can get through this as you "can't hear him" and he may very well concentrate on number 3 more, and give up and find a different number 2.

If he becomes persistant and writes, tell him to leave you alone, or perhaps you should visit Canada if your his "soul mate" and tell his wife.

That will surely make him stop contact with you. But this can be dangerous pending on what type of character he is, he's very good if he fakes crying to win you.

If you have to do that and you feel comfortable, then also ensure that he knows that you have told your family, and close friends, his name address and all.

Be safe, keep moving in the direction your moving in, and perhaps as such, you will learn your worth and love yourself, then give it to the right partner who will give it back 100%...

Best wishes and welcome.

[just4me]

Thank you to both of you for your responses. Your right about everything you said. I know he manipulates me LOTS and he used to have me believing I was the one manipulating him. Its taken me along time to see him for what he really is. Now I just have to keep convincing my heart of all this. I also know if I stayed friends with him it would always give him that opportunity to have his foot in the door to gain me back. He has done this so many times with so many different women. But he had me convinced I was the one and I was different and I had finally changed him...yeah right. Then he cheated on me and thats just the one time I know about. I want to take my heart back now, mend it so I can find someone who will treat it the way it deserves to be treated.

Its been 3 days since I've spoken to him, but I know him so well he will have so much more to say to me before to long. Now I have to step up and be strong and ignore him, totally. Its hard for me but I'm going to do my very best. I guess its just like with anything else, one day at a time.

Chandler, you said if he didn't stop I could tell his wife. And that has crossed my mind too. If it wasn't for his 2 boys I would. Also he keeps telling me that the other lady he cheated on me with is out of his life and I've had a hard time buying that because she actually lives in the same town as him, not 8 hours away like me. I have her email address and have contemplated emailing her so many times to tell her what he's like but all my friends and family so no don't do that. They say I shouldn't hurt another person just because I have been hurt. And I gave him my word I wouldn't do that either after I found out about her. And though he isnt a man of his word, I want to show him I'm a lady of mine.

It's taken me so long to find myself again and I'm still working on that everyday. I do want to learn my worth and love myself again. I have always been a strong person and a "take no ****" from anyone. I feel so guilty for what I have allowed to happen with this man. But as a friend told me, its not your fault for what he is and what he does but it is your fault for letting him continue to do what he does to you. And she is right, so its time for me to stop letting it happen and stand up to him.

NOW time for my heart to follow my head on this one and pray I can stay strong. Again thank you both for your thoughts.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Thank you to both of you for your responses. Your right about everything you said. I know he manipulates me LOTS and he used to have me believing I was the one manipulating him. Its taken me along time to see him for what he really is. Now I just have to keep convincing my heart of all this. I also know if I stayed friends with him it would always give him that opportunity to have his foot in the door to gain me back. He has done this so many times with so many different women. But he had me convinced I was the one and I was different and I had finally changed him...yeah right. Then he cheated on me and thats just the one time I know about. I want to take my heart back now, mend it so I can find someone who will treat it the way it deserves to be treated.

Its been 3 days since I've spoken to him, but I know him so well he will have so much more to say to me before to long. Now I have to step up and be strong and ignore him, totally. Its hard for me but I'm going to do my very best. I guess its just like with anything else, one day at a time.

Chandler, you said if he didn't stop I could tell his wife. And that has crossed my mind too. If it wasn't for his 2 boys I would. Also he keeps telling me that the other lady he cheated on me with is out of his life and I've had a hard time buying that because she actually lives in the same town as him, not 8 hours away like me. I have her email address and have contemplated emailing her so many times to tell her what he's like but all my friends and family so no don't do that. They say I shouldn't hurt another person just because I have been hurt. And I gave him my word I wouldn't do that either after I found out about her. And though he isnt a man of his word, I want to show him I'm a lady of mine.

It's taken me so long to find myself again and I'm still working on that everyday. I do want to learn my worth and love myself again. I have always been a strong person and a "take no ****" from anyone. I feel so guilty for what I have allowed to happen with this man. But as a friend told me, its not your fault for what he is and what he does but it is your fault for letting him continue to do what he does to you. And she is right, so its time for me to stop letting it happen and stand up to him.

NOW time for my heart to follow my head on this one and pray I can stay strong. Again thank you both for your thoughts.

Well i won't disagree with you on not hurting someone's feelings, however, your instinct would be correct that he is still seeing her, otherwise he would not have made you "promise" not to tell her and i guess i was only saying "threaten him" him that you would just to have him stop calling you.

If the wife doesn't know then she is blind, or in total trust of something he doesn't deserve. You know the old saying, " what comes around goes around".

If either ever ask you though i would tell, as they are asking and need closure for themselves.

I still think changing your number is good, as you don't have to see that missed call and put yourself through i can do this.

Best and best of wishes.

Don't beat yourself up either. I am not saying what you did was right but the fact that you know that, i would be pretty confident that it would now be a once only, never again situation and we all learn by mistakes.

[just4me]

I know his wife doesnt know about me. He says this other lady does but I'm not completely ******, so I know he lied about that too. But if they ever do find out and contact me I will tell them the truth.

I have threatened to tell them both, but haven't done so. The main reason for not telling the wife is because I don't want to hurt his 2 boys, I've never met them but I know so much about them I feel like I know them personally.

I know he will get his one day for all the hurt he has not only caused me but all the other ladies he has hurt along the way. I've told him before he is gonna end up a lonely man and with all the hurt he so deserves.

What is they say, karma is a biatch..lol

I am going to do the phone number changing and I know I need to do it quickly to help get over this even quicker and competely.

Yes I have learned, and I'll carry this life lesson with me always.

[kaylar]

One
Change your number so he can not call you
Two
Change your address so he can not send
you a letter or visit.
Three
Stop thinking about him, cut him loose.

This man NEVER LOVED YOU.
This man HAS BEEN USING YOU.
This man is a psychopathic cheater.
He must cheat.
His wife knows and couldn't care less.
He probably is so ****** he doesn't know
his wife is aware.

[just4me]

[quote=kaylar;32829]
One
Change your number so he can not call you
Two
Change your address so he can not send
you a letter or visit.
Three
Stop thinking about him, cut him loose.

This man NEVER LOVED YOU.
This man HAS BEEN USING YOU.
This man is a psychopathic cheater.
He must cheat.
His wife knows and couldn't care less.
He probably is so ****** he doesn't know
his wife is aware.



YES HE IS A PSYCHOPATIC CHEATER AND I HAVE FINALLY OPENED MY EYES TO WHAT HE IS.

I CANNOT CHANGE MY ADDRESS...I OWN MY OWN HOME AND CAN'T JUST PACK UP AND MOVE. HE WOULD NEVER SHOW UP HERE UNANNOUNCED...HE'S TO LAZY FOR THE DRIVE.

I AM TRYING MY VERY BEST EVERY DAY TO NOT THINK OF HIM, I KNOW IT WILL GET EASIER TO DO SO, EVERYDAY.

I KNOW HIS WIFE KNEW OF AN AFFAIR HE HAD YEARS AGO, CAUSE WHEN HE BROKE OFF WITH THAT ONE SHE SENT HIS WIFE ALL KINDS OF STUFF AND THE WIFE STAYED.

ITS BEEN HARD FOR ME TO OPEN MY EYES TO SEE HE HAS DONE NOTHING BUT USE ME, BUT I HAVE AND AM CONTINUING TO DO SO.

[C]

Honey, you are a woman caught up in the passion of being in love and just can't let it go...You say you could type for days about this..But why? It isn't going to change anything or help anything...The guy is a first class jerk and you are giving him hot sex when he comes around....Heck, he probably practices crying... You are a women with her own house...He probably parks his pick up in many places....

Will he end up lonely, I doubt it...He seems to have a lot of outlets and is good at what he does....Besides that I doubt that you are really ready to let this go.....Maybe you won't be until you find another man to comfort you and do to you what he does to you....I know, I too, am a woman.....

If I was you and cannot resist this sexual hunger which you may have, I would get a vibrator and keep myself super charged so that when that dog comes around wagging his "tail" I would say, go bark up another tree........

He has got a lot of balls doing what he does to women....Now it is your turn to grow them......TC, C

[bluesapphire315]

Well I am glad that you are able to now step back and open your eyes and realize what he has been doing to you and how he's been treating you. Next time he tries to call, don't pick up the phone and just say to yourself how he manipulated you, yelled and screamed at you and how that made you feel, etc. then the phone will stop ringing and just keep doing that when he calls (if its excessive, maybe you could have his number blocked?? or maybe turn the ringer off..hahaha). This guy is bad news, he needs to be out of your life. You seem very sweet and you don't deserve his bulls*it or to be part of his skeezy love triangle. You need to free yourself from him and meet a man who will treat you amazing, just how you should be treated, always remember that!