[DreamP346]

I recently read this article about making friends and it really made me think. Do I know how to make friends? Since moving to this area over 10 years ago, I still haven't made any good friends. Just a few people that I invite to parties. Nobody I would call close or just pick up the phone to chat with. I keep saying its because I haven't meet people I feel comfortable with or are like minded. Occasionally I've met other couples and we talk about getting together but it never happens. I used to be the one to initiate setting up a meeting but they would always say they were busy. So after so many failures, I just don't try. Is it me, is it them or is it just timing?

I have to admit not being the type that makes you feel warm and cuddly. I've always had trouble making close friends but I always did make friends. Why has it become so difficult later in life? Why do I find myself trying instead of it just happening like it did when I was younger?

For example, I started taking dance classes. After a few months, I still didn't make any friends. I mean I knew people and said hello and danced with them at the parties. But I never got invited to hang out with them or go to dance parties together. Of course, I was one of the youngest one there; most of them were retired. But there were a few other young people. Although the younger and older folks didn't hang out, they did seem friendlier to each other, talking about their personal lives, etc. What am I doing wrong?

[atskitty2]

It's the same for me...I'll comment further later, I have a meeting I have to go into shortly....

[jns]

All of the best friends I have had have been people that I have shared experiences with, such as going to restaurants, visiting each others homes, traveling together, etc. This goes for best friends I had in grade school and high school and all the way through my adult life.

Friends can be made the same way. You have to have a common interest. Then you have to spend some time together, possibly related to that interest. One or the other has to be willing to break the ice and possibly drive the friendship at the beginning until both are comfortable opening up with the other. Group activities may be good at breaking the ice, but more one on one time is needed to make a close friendship. Something as simple as volunteering for prepping for a party or for cleanup after a party may make one on one time available.

[jns]

Double post.

[Stillness]

Do you ask people about themselves? Like, "How did you two meet?" or "What do you do for fun?"

People like to talk about themselves.

[DreamP346]

Do you ask people about themselves? Like, "How did you two meet?" or "What do you do for fun?"

People like to talk about themselves.

Yup, I do all of that. Usually I meet people. We get a good conversation going about similar interests. Someone suggests we get together some time. I reach out to them and hear that they are busy or they never reach out to me.

[Ashlee T.]

Ever tried something like MeetUp? Most of the time MeetUp's are planned for groups (small or large, depending). Could be going somewhere to watch a game, a paint party, a girls night, meeting for wine tasting, a movie, etc. An opportunity to meet people, who like yourself are looking to meet people with similar interests.

[Stillness]

Maybe you need something more serious than dance - like membership in a of group involved in charity. Something that says, "I'm the type of person that cares about other people."

[DreamP346]

Ever tried something like MeetUp? Most of the time MeetUp's are planned for groups (small or large, depending). Could be going somewhere to watch a game, a paint party, a girls night, meeting for wine tasting, a movie, etc. An opportunity to meet people, who like yourself are looking to meet people with similar interests.

Yup. Actually I recently took over managing a group. Let's see if that will help.

Biggest problem is kids. I can't go regularly so end up showing up to events irregularly.

[DreamP346]

Maybe you need something more serious than dance - like membership in a of group involved in charity. Something that says, "I'm the type of person that cares about other people."

Good idea. Looking to join a group of women interested in women's education. Let's see if that goes anywhere. Again, problem is kids. Arranging a sittier is always a challenge and expensive.