[Ashlee T.]

If you catch your best friends spouse having an affair and they admit to you they've been having this affair for several months, what do you do? I heard this situation discussed on a radio show this morning and I'm curious about what you all think should be done?

[atskitty2]

I would tell him that he either tells her, or I will. I would explain that I'm sorry to have any part in it, but that I will not keep the info from her, but that it needs to come from him, and tell him to advise her of my knowledge. <br />
<br />
I would also take that opportunity to explain to him that in the event they stay together, i won't hold a grudge. It's between them, and whatever they decide for their relationship i will respect. <br />
And then I'd stay out of it. <br />
<br />
I've been in a similar situation. Nothing confirmed tho...so i never told.

[Stillness]

Same as kitty.

I was actually in the reverse situation. My best friend was the cheater. He had a great girl, too. I was really happy for him and it broke my heart when I started to see that he didn't recognize her worth. But, although I viewed his wife as a friend, we really had no relationship apart from my best friend. I can't remember if the times I knew about and could confirm happened before or after they married. I think it was before. I really wanted to tell her though. I thought she deserved better, but it was really awkward and I was young.

I ended up distancing myself from them altogether. They're still married. This started almost 20 years ago and they're still having issues with infidelity - with both of them now. It's a really sick relationship. I still feel like that woman could have made a great wife an mother to the right man, but I don't know.

[Ashlee T.]

The radio hosts advised the person NOT to tell their friend and said it would only hurt the friend. I guess the spouse told him she'd come clean to her husband about her affair, but never did.

I disagreed with the host. If my best friend KNEW my husband had cheated on me and kept it from me, that would be the end of the friendship. If telling my friend the truth hurt them.....well I'd rather know a painful truth than a life of lies if I were them. If my friend got angry that I told her/him and chose not to be a part of my life anymore as a result, that would be okay too. I would tell myself that I did the right thing and that I treated my friend like I would want to be treated.

So yeah, I agree with you ats.

Stillness, that's such a common scenario. And so sad. He has not only cheated ON her, but he has cheated her from a life knowing true and loyal love.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I would say something. There is no way I would be willing to be part of the pack of lies her partner was spouting. Telling her - or him - shows respect. If it were me being cheated on, I'd rather know than not know. It wouldn't be easy to say, but sometimes tough things have to be said.

[jns]

If you catch your best friends spouse having an affair and they admit to you they've been having this affair for several months, what do you do? I heard this situation discussed on a radio show this morning and I'm curious about what you all think should be done?

And your sure your best friend doesn't know about it or at least suspect that something is going on? Sometimes relationships are open enough to tolerate such situations as long as they are not out in the open and causing embarrassment. Make sure you are not substituting your morals for those of others.

Is your best friend someone who would be devastated by the news? Is clearing your conscious more important than their well being? Sometimes such news is more tolerable if it is old news long after the affair has stopped.

I would tell the spouse that I thought the situation was wrong and should be stopped. I would then distance myself from the spouse which could lead to distancing myself from my friend. I would tell my best friend if I thought they could handle it. Sometimes protecting another person is done by staying silent. Sometimes dropping hints to lead a friend to the truth is the way to handle the situation.

Such a situation does not have a one size fits all type of answer.

[Gulliver]

I believe from personal experience that I'd rather hear if from her and no one else. Most of us should reserve judgment about these kinds of marital dynamics in other friends lives. All we see is a moment, a sound byte, and this is not enough, in my opinion, to render any long-term judgment.

[amy40]

Saw a statistic that 78% of marriages survive infidelity.

Think most women have a sixth sense about things. If you know your husband at all, you pick up on changes in patterns of behavior, actions, etc. A few women might be totally surprised if told by a friend but bet most would think "I knew it.". Should one tell their best friend who probably already knows deep down inside, who at that moment could be torn between confronting or ignoring?

[Motorguy]

I'm with Kitty & BD on this all the way, you have to let your friend know. Either they tell about the affair or I will. This is about the worse thing you can do to a spouse for a few reason. One getting the other women pregnant or getting pregnant if you're the wife in the marriage. But the worse is maybe giving that spouse a STD's or HIV how could you ever live with your self if you did this to your spouse.