[BINNKYLOO]

This is my first time posting on here. I have been with my husband for over 8 years and married for 5. We just moved to Texas with his job about a month ago. Long story short, I checked his email and found a picture of a girl and confronted him, he eventually told me that while he was training in Canada he cheated on me. He met a girl and they had sex a total of 5 times. I am so hurt and I dont know what to do or how to feel. He said that he is sorry and that it wont happen again. I do love him but I am scared that he will cheat again. I am only 23 years old and I have been with him since high school. Please help, I really need advice. I am not able to talk with family about this......

[mvaldez]

OMG!!!! He actually admitted that he cheated? So....its not that you suspect that he was cheating but you are sure that he cheated!!! I don't think I would be able to trust him anymore after that.

Next month I will turn 23 and I was with my ex-bf for about 8 years too. He also cheated on me, more than once, so I had to let him go. I know it is VERY difficult to let go but a cheater is always a cheater. I am pretty sure you have heard that before but I am telling you that from experience.

Seems like the only difference between you and me is that you are married. Do you have any kids with him? If you do, this would make it more difficult for me. I have always heard to don't stay with somebody just for the kids but I think I would handle this situation differently if there was kids in between. If you don't have kids, you should just leave him!!!!!!!!!

[rcoreyus]

Hmm. I think something like half of spouses have cheated. Binnkyloo now knows hers has - but lost of other people's spouses have cheated and the don't know.

I would suggest thinking hard about how much you care about the cheating. It might not happen again, but it might. If you absolutely cannot tolearate cheating in your relationship, then you should leave - but be aware that the next may might do the same.

Wish I had a better suggestion....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well the above poster does make sense....

Yes, "cheating is cheating and wrong", i don't disagree. But my advice is usually simular, if he is plain lying, or skirting around the issues, and this is established or way to suspicious then no point staying because it will happen over and over and over gain, he is born to do it, so to speak.

The hardest call to make is who is like that and who isn't? And based on little information people put here, it's not until sometimes all information comes out that you can see the end result, of perhaps what you may offer as a suggestion.

I can see that he was "away", at the time in "Canada" now don't get me wrong, but there is excitement there as it is, another Country, less stressed, relaxed, and who knows she could have flirted her .... of at him and well, once, deed done keep going as when i get back home it's over.

And, i can see he admitted it.

So yes, he may do it again given another chance simular, and he may never do it again...

It's how you feel about it in its totality if you can deal with it, as a ok, man, beast, animal, temparess, but he loves me? He may just grow out of it....

CW

[rcoreyus]

I want to add that travel, especially to a foreign country is lonely. It is very easy for what is honestly intended to jsut be "company" to become something else.

[Fallen1]

I want to add that travel, especially to a foreign country is lonely. It is very easy for what is honestly intended to jsut be "company" to become something else.

Yes, it is easy for the most innocent act to get out of hand. I myself learned that quite well.

With that learned I don't even get anywhere near something that could be considered questionable.

I think it is a good thing to practice, if you're not sure you can abstain don't temp it.

[Miss Understood]

Why and what next,,,

This is coming from a recently dismissed mistress here, also from someone who many years ago had her husband cheat on her. He lied about it at first, I gut instinct knew it. Then I found evidence, confronted, he still lied, but then eventually I drilled it out of him. He confessed and sounds like you didn't have to drill him long before he admitted it.

This comes to mind for me... it's my personal belief a man doesn't cheat just because of opportunity. Every man has opportunity at some point, not to sound cruel but he was probably feeling something missing in his life - excitement, youth, relationally, etc... but trying to fill it. That usually isn't something that just pops up one episode of times and goes away once they "get it out of their system," it happens again if the hole he's trying to fill doesn't fill. May not mean he doesn't get the required stuff from you, he may have what I would call a hole in his tank, some guys the hole is big, others small but if they have one, eventually they will find themselves weak from the lack of fill, and fill it by looking for it, or simply opportunity combined with that empty "thing" he feels. So... does it make sense to say however you choose to do it, except it has to be done with him and with his complete willingness and eagerness to find out what that hole for him is and if you love him, as his wife see if there's enough honesty and true determination in the both of you to get him "healed" and mend that hole.

Second, I guess I'd say again 2nd time today, if you find yourself becoming a worse person for enduring and taking up the good fight of keeping your marriage, then it isn't worth it - now you are becoming a person that is usually scared all the time, paranoid, mistrusting, resentful, you hold in anger and then blow.... in other words if you become a better person for being compassionate and really feel you two can figure out how to battle any emptiness he may feel TOGETHER, then put your whole heart in it and love him through this and remind him not to define himself by this one instance as you remind yourself the same thing, however - if you start to become the worst version of yourself, your health declines, you can't take the "battle" and you are worse off as an individual for the wear then make that decision yourself. Only you know what kind of person you want to be and how you want to feel and if you want to endure or move on. I wish you only the best regardless of what you decide...