[jns]

I see troubling signs in your relationship with your SO. There is no need to threaten the one you supposedly love in a loving relationship. Your SO sounds possessive, controlling and passive-aggressive. I can understand why it feels suffocating and why attempts to work on the relationship fail. He sees no reason to change since everything is going to his plan, even though it might not be the best he could hope for. Guys usually don't change. Can you see yourself in the same relationship for the next 10 years? The next 20 years?

[Winged_Muse]

At this point I'm undecided as far as the relationship goes. I know it would kill the both of us to leave eachother as we have so much time invested. Thankfully no kids to worry about or anything like that. I'm to the point where I want to be single, where I want my freedom. I know he'd join the military if we broke up. He works 6 days a week. I usually cook and clean. Sunday is the only full day we have together and any thing we need to get done usually doesn't get done because he's tired and has no energy. It's usually me doing everything like I said and if I ask him to do something it's usually not right away either, it takes him a while. He says he needs to help out more and while he does a couple times, it then goes back into the same routine..

[Ashlee T.]

I think you already know the answers. It's not about this tattoo artist. Sure, you're attracted to him, he's attracted to you, but it sounds like he is in no way interested in anything more than sex with you and I have a sneaking suspicion the sex wouldn't be as amazing as you imagine. There will be LOTS of guys out there interested in ONLY sex. Generally, they aren't worth it.

The bottom line is that you need to be single, spread your wings, experience life as a single and independent woman. I think there's no doubt you and your SO have gotten complacent in your relationship but when the little things are starting to irritate you this much, the writing is on the wall in my opinion. Another thing, if he's a dog person and you're not (which I think it's clear you're not), then there is another area of incompatibility.

And I have no doubt if you split there'd be times you'd believe you made a mistake, that you'd miss him. It would be hard for a while. But the right decision is rarely the easiest decision.

[Winged_Muse]

Actually I am a dog person but this specific dog has been nothing but problems for me.

[DreamP346]

Threatening to shoot you over something that hasn't even happened is really troubling.

Now, regarding the dog. A pet is a huge commitment. Most people don't realize it. It's a nice precursor to kids. The fact that you two haven't been able to navigate taking care of a difficult pet is an indication that you two are not ready for marriage. Marriage and family are full of difficult situations such as the pet. There will be more of them and bigger ones.

[amy40]

Are you still in love and planning to marry? DreamP is right, a pet is a huge commitment but children totally change your life forever. I can't tell if your SO's questions are truly just interest in you or if he is maybe mistrustful of you. But it seems by your reaction, you might think he is mistrustful. If he finds out about your feelings, my guess is he would have you sever that relationship and find a new artist. Since you've lost interest in wedding planning, wondering if your heart is no longer set on getting married. Perhaps you need to have a heart to heart with your fiancé? Good luck.

[Winged_Muse]

My S.O. and myself both agreed that getting married is kind of pointless in this stage mostly because we've already been together so long. He sees it just as a piece of paper which is true. The wedding we canceled mostly due to money but I lost alot of planning interest after we got our dog. We aren't the kind of people who like all the attention on us so the wedding in general probably would have been awkward anyway. It's not a big loss and im not sad about it, never was that we canceled.
Now I've had dogs all my life, but it was never me to train them or anything. She is smart and stubborn and seriously pushes my buttons. I do not want kids and never really have even growing up. I never had interests in playing with baby dolls or anything like that either. My S.O. knows nothing about how I'm feeling with everything. Sex is still good but for me the spark is gone. It's been gone, I'm just now realizing it. I can just hear the conversation now if I say something. I don't know where I'd go following a break up if we did. We purchased a home together, where would all that stuff go? It's alot to take in...

[Ashlee T.]

If you can truly say to yourself, "If it weren't for the house and our things, I'd end this relationship", then that's your answer. People often stay together for those reasons, which aren't the right reasons, and then wind up really resenting each other. Those logistics have a way of working out. There are people who divorce after a lifetime of marriage, homes, children, grandchildren even and still managed to work all of those things out. If you decide ending it is what you need, you too will find a way to work those things out.

A smart dog is a good dog....but as you mentioned, they have to be trained and that takes patience and diligence. Train them right and they can and do bring so much fun and joy to life.

[Stillness]

WM, have you all made a vow to spend the rest of your lives together and to be with only each other whatever may come?

I ask because you brought up marriage being just a piece of paper. If you've made that kind of commitment, then in a way, I agree. If you haven't, then you don't have the equivalent to a marriage and I think that affects what your next step should be.

[Winged_Muse]

We had a bit of a blowout Monday night mostly over the dog where he thended threatened me with being single. We didn't really talk much the rest of the night except for me to ask him if he still wanted to be with me. I also told him it felt like he was choosing get the dog over me. We went to bed without much further discussion.
All day yesterday I was a mess. Talking with older friends of mine just made me realize we needed to talk. I sent him a text telling him just that and then he proceeded to freak out. He sent me 5 texts in a matter of minutes but of course I was in a place where it made it hard to check my phone with me at work.
His texts are as follows:
"so you're over me huh? going to leave??"
"I know it's about the dog..what else?"
"sure how you're busy and not ignoring me"
"so before work is over I need to know if you're staying with me"
"please answer me baby.."

when I was finally able to reply I told him it was about the dog and things I could no longer handle that go on between us. his reply was simply don't leave me baby. He then called me following and we chatted for a few but I told him I couldn't chat while at work since I didn't rearly have much time.

When he came home he immediately grabbed my hand and lead me into our bedroom and asked me to tell him everything. I told him I felt like I was suffocating, I felt like I was being controlled and I had no freedom. I told him he's all I've known since I was 15. I want to be able to go out with my friends without him needing to know every little detail. I need to be me and be an individual but I'm not going to forget about him in anything I do. I need him to help me more, do little things for me without me asking. I even asked him if it was oKay if we never had kids and he told me as long as I was happy and we were happy together then it didn't matter. We both cried for a good hour. He said I mean more to him than anything. He told me his biggest fear was loosing me and loosing his parents. He said im the only one he's ever had that has cared for him. He agreed to back off, let me be me, let me go out and have fun when I want to. I told him time apart from eachother to do our own thing is not a bad thing. He's been super attached to me since our talk. He told me he's felt depressed and detached for a year and a half now, mostly due to work and he's let that get in the way of everything. He's agreed to change.

I took the day off today to recoup and just be on my own to chill. A mental health day. We talked a bit more earlier, mostly about the same thing. He asked if I still wanted to marry him and I told him we need to work on other things first. At that point I couldn't tell him I didn't know. I need to see if things will change first. I know he's going to start thinking I'm going to leave. He told me last night that if I had told him I was leaving that he wouldn't have come home. we all know what that means and what would have been done. we are going to try and change up our routine, worry less about the dog and work on us again. I told him getting the dog took away from our relationship since our attention was turned elsewhere especially since it was only a year after we moved in that we got her. so right now we are on mending terms. planning a weekend getaway maybe new years weekend and leave the dog behind at home with other family. we are working on things that's all I can say