[Winged_Muse]

Hi guys,
First off it's been a long time since I've been or even posted here.
Anyway let's just get right into it. First off, I've been with my current S.O. for almost 11 years. We've lived together for 2. We have no kids nor are we legally married though we say we are common law married all the time. We had planned on getting married the beginning of October of this year but we decided not to do anything back in February after money became a bit of a worry.

This time last year we officially announced our wedding plans to family and friends. Shortly there after, someone else I am fairly close with messaged me saying I had been in his dream the night before. He never specified details or anything of that nature which was fine. This person in particular is a good friend of mine as well as my tattoo artist. After chatting about it only briefly we went on as we had for years before.

Fast forward to September of this year. I dreamt of him, I dreamt of a relationship with him..of us together and my current S.O. no where around. I told this friend of mine about it and only then did he finally relay to me the details of his dream. He had explained that in his dream, we were over there for whatever reason and my S.O. had fallen asleep and we went into his bedroom and had ourselves a little fun. I've been getting tattooed by him for almost 6 years now so we've had a lot of time to get to know each other and all of that fun and it also turns out that years ago, he tried to race my parents in their camaro with his (of course this is irrelevant) so it's kind of a small world in how we came to know each-other later on in life.

Anyway moving on. He informed me that he had figured all this stuff out in his head a while back. He said it was likely we would've hooked up years ago. He said if I didn't care I would be at his house the next day off I had. Back in September I replied saying it was merely my conscious and my guilt that held me back from doing just that. He agreed and we let it go.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I was talking with a few of my friends (now mind you my S.O. knows nothing of whats going on in my head) and all of them agree with what I've told them about the situation that there is something there between us. My S.O.'s brother has started getting tattoos done by him and after talking with him more one day about how temptation basically sucks he then informed me before, I'll call him M, and I left after M went through a tattoo session that he thought I was going to kiss him. While the thought had been on my mind I didn't actually do anything. That's when things began again. I recently had a tattoo session with him this past Friday (the 28th). I originally wasn't going to go alone but I did even though my S.O. thought my aunt had gone with me. My aunt has been my go to person with this problem of mine so she knows the whole story. While I was there for the 5 hours I was, we teased each other a lot. Nothing was ever done as far as physicality stuff except for him smacking my butt a few times. He made remarks about needing "Mouth to mouth" or going into the bedroom between my tattoo time (we take breaks every hour). Even before I left he had informed me I was good as much as I didn't want to be. I had informed him I didn't want to be the following morning after my S.O. left for work. I got to see him twice this weekend as my aunt then got a tattoo from him yesterday. I told him Saturday morning in my original message that I may not be able to hold back tomorrow (as in yesterday) and he said I would have to because I'd be with my aunt but I told him I wasn't worried about her. He basically said I just needed to think of other things, because this has been on my mind ALOT and basically masturbate lol I told him it doesn't help when he's the one on my mind. He's the one calling me a hornball etc. I know it's not just me because of how he acted Friday while I was alone with him. I know he wants it just as bad as I do. Yesterday we were only able to "play" a little as I think he was trying to be good with my aunt there. She said she caught him watching me at times where I wasn't looking and while we were all talking he had made a snide comment to where I flipped him off (playfully) of course and then he teased "is that all you have for me today?!"

So here is my problem. I've been with my S.O. for so long that my interests with him have seemed to disappear. He has been my ONLY sexual partner ever. He's the one that took my virginity and he's the only one I've been with sexually. I can act like there is nothing wrong but get me by myself and it's my tattooist that my mind is stuck on. I've even gone as far as driving to his house just to see if hes home or if he has someone there he's tattooing (yes, he tattoos from home but in a very clean and sterile environment and he's extremely OCD clean). I did that today and then had to stop at a park before heading home just to think. Yesterday after my aunt and I left I was literally shaking because of my craving for him. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to think. He's always on my mind. Part of me wonders if I'm just bored with my current relationship. He works 55 to 60 hours a week with one day off, we don't really go out and do much and while, like most men, he's sexually crazy..that's been kind of slacking lately as well. He doesn't last like he used to. I just can't get this other guy out of my head and I seriously want to know if there is a stronger connection there. My aunt said she could see the attraction between us yesterday.

HELP!! Just please don't judge me..i'm crazy for this other person but we've got so much going on with my S.O. and I. Sorry if my posting made no sense or if it was all over the place.

[Stillness]

Good to hear from you!

What help do you want? Is there a question? You're starting to cheat on your fiance. Are you asking if that's okay? Are you asking how do you stop? Tips on how to keep sneaking behind his back while pursuing this other man?

[Winged_Muse]

Yes I am starting to and it's driving me mad. I've never been the cheating type but my mind is definitely elsewhere. I know it's not okay but I do know it's okay that things and feelings change. I hate to admit it but I could sneak behind his back without a problem. I'm off on fridays and my S.O. works all day.

[Stillness]

Why sneak? Do you need him for money? Do you want the excitement of doing something wrong?

You're making a fool out of your man. Your friends and family know what you're up to and he's thinking you're faithful.

[jns]

I've heard some people compare getting tattoos to having sex. That being said, getting a tattoo requires a lot of close contact between the artist and the canvass. Sometimes the tattoos are in intimate places. That can create bonding in the right circumstances. You are in a vulnerable state due to the fact that your SO is not being as attentive due to work requirements and being worn out when he gets home. So having your tattoo artist show you attention and flirt with you caused feelings to start and those feelings were heightened by the contact.

If you want your feelings to cool, don't go back to him, no matter how good he tattoos. What would really kill the feelings after a while would be to move far away with your SO. If you want the flame to become a blowtorch, continue finding reasons to be around him.

[atskitty2]

You're playing with fire, as they say. <br />
What is it you want to come out of this?<br />
Are you anticipating a short term sexual relationship with this man or more?<br />
<br />
Are you willing to lose your relationship for this?

[Winged_Muse]

My SO and I don't really flirt anymore. We definitely don't play like we used to. When I talk and hang out with this other guy it gives me those jittery butterflies in my stomach and the excitement that I haven't felt in a long time and I've definitely missed it. I'm also starting to wonder if I'm just sexually curious as to what else is out there as, like mentioned, my SO has been my only sexual partner in my life. I definitely do not plan on ever going anywhere else as far as my tattoo work, I've also already told him that a long time ago and he even says we've got years of tattoos to do still.

As far as my family knowing and not knowing. it is just my aunt that knows what it is going on, her I trust alot more than my own mom for that matter. No one else in my family knows nor will they know and only 2 of my friends know anything at all and thankfully they are all quite older than me.

[Ashlee T.]

The chase is fun, the forbidden is enticing, and physical chemistry tries to override good judgment.

The bottom line is this: You are already cheating on your SO. So yes, if you cannot reign this in and stop what you're doing entirely, then you need to end your relationship with him. Regardless of what you feel for him/don't feel for him, he does not deserve to be cheated on. Him not knowing doesn't make it any more "okay" than if he found out about it.

Lust is just that. I remember meeting a guy at a wedding one night and being SO incredibly attracted to him. We danced the night away and it was super HOT. For weeks I thought of nothing else but being with him. Then, I finally was with him. It wasn't nearly as great as I imagined it, and a few weeks later I could not even see why I was attracted to him to begin with. Years later, I still don't know why I was so attracted to him. That's what lust will do to you.

You deserve a chance to spread your wings and test the waters if that is what you want. But your SO deserves to be with someone who is faithful to him and is truly in love with him. In this case, neither of you are getting what you want. You're bored and venturing outside of your relationship behind his back, and he's being fooled into thinking you're being faithful. It is not okay for you to keep him on the string, oblivious while you test out other things to see if you like them better. Not cool girl.......

Do you. But be a woman and do it the right way.

[Motorguy]

Well WM, deep down inside you know what is the right thing to do. I thinking you're getting cold feet with the idea of marriage and thinking the old flame is maybe the better man, so if that was the case you be with him instead. I agree with BD and Kitty you need to be honest first with your self and your S.O. now on how you feel about all of this with the old flame. When you're really in love with another man or women it should trump over any other feelings you have for anyone else. So this just tells me you're not ready for marriage to you're S.O until you get the old flame out of your mind first and for good. Good Luck....

[DreamP346]

What you are feeling is lust. It can be super exciting and fun to act on. Many romances start out that way and eventually lead to love. But be very clear here, this is NOT love and there is no indication this would be something permanent.

I think what you need to do it drop the tattoo artist and examine your own relationship. I am guessing this is the first time something like this has happened. So why did you go by 11 years without this problem and now suddenly another man gives you attention and you are falling all over him. It sounds like something is missing from your relationship that used to be there. Its time to work on your relationship. 11 years is a long time invested and when your relationship is good, the fact that you haven't played the field won't matter at all. All these feelings indicate that your relationship is on a downward spiral. You need to sit down with your boyfriend and really talk about it. Maybe see a therapist. Work on your relationship. Talk about your sex life. Talk about flirting and keeping the fire alive. Talk about your needs. Give it all you have.

After you have done everything you can and the relationship is still unfulfilling, then you break it off and go find other people to have fun with. But not before.