[atskitty2]

I understand that BD, and I agree with part of your point actually. My point is, what does Trump have to do with it? If we never knew this about our long-standing friendships, is it really so important now? Suddenly? If it was so important to us, and such an important thing to them, how did we not know their opinions long ago, and rid ourselves of their friendship?

I think all this is overreacting and only bringing more distance between us all. Suddenly at work, all there is, is discussion about politics and Trump's intent to take our birth control and I even heard one young woman in her twenties go on a rant about how he probably wants to send unattractive women to gas chambers. Let's all calm down and see what he actually does and doesn't do. Like most political leaders, he will probably not do most of his planned actions. Like it or not, he is our President for now.

Not accusing Dream of being irrational as that young girl, but really, nothing has changed that much just yet. WE have elected a man as president. WE need to remove our emotions & see what happens in the coming months.

As jns said, it isn't worth losing friendships over. It's politics when we make it about him.

[DreamP346]

if this is not about Trump, why does his name come in? as if he's the poster child for "those values". If they hold these views, they held them prior to Trumps candidacy right? Why does it matter now?
had those topics just never come up in conversation prior?

It is not about Trump because I can't control Trump. I can only control who I associate with. And yes, these friends probably had these values, I just didn't see/hear it before. That is why I have the dalema now. If I had known this in advance, I never would have friended them.

I don't think we know enough about Trump yet.

Again, this discussion is not about Trump or what he will do. It is about friends who believe in values Trump stood for during this campaign that I find abhorrent. We can start another thread if you are interested in discussing Trump.

As I see it, we can disagree with someone and maintain unconditional respect and agree to disagree. that goes for our commander in chief or our neighbors.

Would you disagree with Hitler but maintain unconditional respect?

I will NEVER respect somebody who considers women pussies that can be grabbed or called an entire group of people "rapists and criminals." And I cannot respect a friend who thinks this isn't a big deal.

[DreamP346]

There has never been a politician that has been worth throwing away friends and family for. Don't let politicians' words be the lens that you see your friends and family through.

The problem is the politician is bringing out a side of my friend that I hadn't seem before. It's not about what Trump will do. It is about the values he espouses that my friends are also following. Trump is not my friend. I hate him and what he stands for. Therefore, it makes it really difficult for me to be friends with somebody that also follows those same disgusting and ignorant values.

[DreamP346]

I understand that BD, and I agree with part of your point actually. My point is, what does Trump have to do with it? If we never knew this about our long-standing friendships, is it really so important now? Suddenly? If it was so important to us, and such an important thing to them, how did we not know their opinions long ago, and rid ourselves of their friendship?

Every time there is a mass shooting or a discovery of a psychopath, you will always hear friend/family/neighbor say they had no idea he could do anything like that. They even often say he was a nice guy. Just because I was ignorant of their true thoughts in the past, doesn't mean I would prefer to remain ignorant to them. The cat is out of the bag. My friends' ignorance, bigotry, sexism and racism is showing. They may not be the KKK, but their subtle prejudices are showing.

I think all this is overreacting and only bringing more distance between us all.

This statement of overacting, I have heard it a lot and I've noticed it always come from white and mostly men. Let me ask you this, after the election, were you worried that your marriage would be dissolved? Were you afraid to leave the country because you may not be able to come back? Were you afraid your only access to reproductive care would be taken away? It's always easy to say it won't really happen if its not your life on the line. And for everybody who keeps say it will never happen, remember the Japanese American internment, the holocaust, the Bosniana/Sarajevo war. Non of them were too long ago. So please don't say we are overacting. Unless you have lived in the shoes of the people that have been targets of Trump's hateful rhetoric, you cannot understand. Please don't minimize the harsh realities that certain marginalized groups live in each day. Trump has only promised to make them worse. The best case scenarios for these groups is that life will continue being harsh. You cannot imagine the worst case scenario.

[jns]

I have friends that say very shocking things at times and friends all over the political spectrum. Very few do I engage in political discussions since most do not have any depth and resort to ad hominem attacks when discussing politics with others. I do not believe politics is a necessary part of our friendships.

[amy40]

Dream,
it sounds like you have probably already tried different things and have reached the giving up point with some of your friends, so you just have to decide who to keep and who to walk away from


or maybe you can decide if you want to overlook your friends tremendous faults, try to get along with them anyway, educate them and try to change their behavior, or walk away and look for new friends

[atskitty2]

I'm at work so I cannot comment much, just a few quick sentences.
You brought up Trump, I didn't. Just make it about newfound ideals you didn't realize your friends had...and let that be that. Because really, that is it. Trump was just the conversation starter right?

I'm glad my ultra conservative, Christian family hasnt disowned me for my moderate or sometimes liberal views. They have racist leanings, which I grew up with so I'm glad they don't kick me out of Christmas dinner because I mentioned my black friend or Indian Boyfriend....
We just don't discuss it. We are more than the sum of our political or religious leanings. Although my family is racist, in my view, I've seen them help out blacks, befriend blacks and even trust them. People can change, and while they may hold some views, their actions often don't demonstrate it-positive and negative.

I think you're having an emotional response when it isn't warranted. I understand where you're coming from, I do.
If you find no commonality with your friends any longer then leave them. That's reasonable to do. Don't over think here. If it bothers you that much, cut them off.

[Ashlee T.]

One thing I've learned is that no matter how strongly my opinions are, no matter how sure I am....there are always people out there JUST as sure of the opposite. I'm in agreement that all we can do is see what happens....we really have no other choice.

Dream, there is no way I would entertain racists friends, or friends who staunchly and actively go against my core values. I can have ACQUAINTANCES who do, people I associate with infrequently in social settings, etc. If your friends have exhibited purely racist behavior then yes, cut the strings and keep your distance. This election DID bring out a lot of things in people that we might not have known existed previously. So in fact, you're not ending your friendships because of Trump, but because you now know that their core values completely contradict yours.

Ex. I know one of my close friends voted for Trump. We don't talk about it....but in my heart I know she did. I'm not going to not be her friend because of that. Sometimes people cast their vote based on one factor (i.e. gun control, abortion) not for the candidate as a whole. However, I did delete a few "FB friends" due to opinions that I considered racists and bigoted in their discussions about Trump.

[DreamP346]

I think you're having an emotional response when it isn't warranted. I understand where you're coming from, I do.
If you find no commonality with your friends any longer then leave them. That's reasonable to do. Don't over think here. If it bothers you that much, cut them off.

Kitty, I don't think you understand at all. If you did, you wouldn't be saying an emotional response is not warranted. After the elections, a family member who had stayed in my house, always been polite to me, and babysat my kids told me to "go back to where you came from" because I didn't like Trump being election. Can you really say that doesn't warrant an emotional response. I had another close friend who was in my wedding and I have known for 15 years make a post about how black people are lazy and want everything for free. Then he reposted a Trump tweet (with completely fabricated statistics) about violence by blacks. One of my family member is black. Another friend of over 20 years who lives in a city filled with immigrants, dated an immigrant, I'm an immigrant, is friends with multiple people on immigrant visa, said he believes in Trump's immigration policy. Yes, the same policy that would limit legal immigration meaning many of those friends may not be able to stay in the US. The same policy that would uproot undocumented immigrants who have lived here since childhood (his ex-girlfriend, my friend).

So I think I and many others have good reason to be emotional.

[atskitty2]

Feeling the way you do is fine. Having an emotional response to those people is not. If someone who was living in MY house said that, I suppose I'd tell them the same thing-go back where ya came from-you won't live here and disrespect me. No stress, just leave. Totally reasonable to do so. Doesn't require a lot of emotional entanglement.

I'm going to ask, are you not a naturalized citizen yet? Is this where the fear is stemming from?

I'm going to share something I've never said here, because I want you to know that I do care, and I understand more than you know. I have worked with foreign exchange students for the past 9 years, volunteering my time and paying thousands of dollars out of pocket toward their education here and subsequent immigration efforts, as their sponsor.
I love these students. I support them 100%. They are family now. Some call me mom, because I've become that equivalent for them. Some are from **** poor backgrounds and this is their only shot at not continuing in utter poverty. I have opened my home at a moment's notice to young people from all over the world because their host families in our state kicked them out. I've driven all over the state at ungodly hours to help. Taken phone calls and spent countless hours trying to help with paperwork or translation... Whatever. Sometimes just for a hug.
I get it. I really do. It's terrifying to live with the looming threat of deportation or that the next round of papers will be denied...

I don't think I will be ever fully capable of comprehending what immigrants experience because yes, I was born here in privilege. I can't feel that. I won't pretend to.

Immigration is not easy, legally. I hear it every day at work, about the people who walk in here and steal American jobs and on and on. I know it's not easy. Do I get my hackles up and go on defense? No. We all are entitled to an opinion, regardless how ignorant it may be. If I'm asked, I will shed light on their dark opinions, otherwise I stay out of it. Not my job to make everyone see it the way I do. They can't in most instances anyway. They're often just small people, and that I cannot change.

I really don't think, from what I read, that Trump is going to sign something that orders people out without some vetting process. I have some students with that fear, and I encourage them to stay calm, and continue working hard here.
I have another "son" in eastern Europe waiting for his final interview before being granted a visa to come home and work. This is home! I believe that his hard work won't be cast aside. He earned a degree here, and has found an employer here. Just waiting on ppwk....Will be nearly 2 yrs he's been waiting to come home.

So, I hope you can see, that I have a sensitive spot toward the immigration policies also. I've listened closely. At this point I see no reason for panic. Trump runs his mouth often, but generally I think his handlers will reign him in. He's said he isn't against legal immigration. Illegal immigrants do need to go, or at least begin the process of legalizing.