[DreamP346]

This election has been a very divisive one. I've actually had to completely cut ties with one family member who said some really racist things. Now I'm wondering how to react to friends who are Trump supporters. I have lost respect for them completely. Also, I feel that if they support a man who has attacked groups that I represent, I feel like these friends are supporting those views, and thus attaching me. Part of me wants to cut them out of my life completely even though they have never said anything directly to me. BTW, I am referring to people who support Trump, not people who thought he was the lesser of 2 evils.

This is not a discussion about Trump.

[Stillness]

Can you find out why they supported him?

Most people that support one politician or another, very rarely support everything they do, say, and stand for. They excuse the undesirable aspects as their candidate doing what they need to do to win or with them being flawed like every other person on the planet. Most of the Trump supporters I've heard from definitely don't approve of him fully, but felt that things needed shaking up and that he's the man for the job. Not everyone agrees with the latter point, but most probably do agree with the fact that the political system is flawed. In that sense, we all share something in common.

The goal is to minimize the emotion and try to understand others with different views instead of assuming, stereotyping, and demonizing. Some Trump supporters do have flat out evil views, but it's nowhere near the majority of the 10's of millions that voted for him.

[amy40]

Also, I feel that if they support a man who has attacked groups that I represent, I feel like these friends are supporting those views, and thus attaching me.

The bad aspects of a candidate are often minimized for a voter.
Many trump supporters didn't take him at face value whereas non trump supporters did take him at face value.

[DreamP346]

Here are some of the problems I have with my Trump supporting friends:

They don't think he is racist or sexist: After everything Trump has said, to say he isn't sexist or racist is basically turning a blind eye. It is equal to acceptance. This goes beyond politics. It talks to these people's perception of the world and what they are willing to accept.

Pure stupidity: When I get into discussions with these friends, their ignorance comes out. I know intelligence doesn't have to be a requirement of stupidity, but its difficult being friends with somebody you have no respect for.

Their white privilege show up in their tone and language: They don't recognize it nor will they acknowledge it. They talk about bettering their lives while they sit in their beautiful house with pools, good jobs and their kids going to good schools.

They like Trump's immigration stand: I am an immigrant. This country is founded by immigrants. These are the same people who like to take taxis driven by immigrants, go to restaurants served by immigrants and like to shop Wallmart instead of their local mom/pop store.

[Ashlee T.]

I feel you. I have struggles with the same thing. I didn't WANT to lose respect for Trump supporters.....but I did. And like you, I'm not talking about those who just believed he was the lesser of the two evils...I'm talking about those who staunchly support him, sing his praises and have this crazy blind faith in him. He truly scares me for the future of this country and I simply cannot respect those who support him.

With some of the things I see that he's currently doing/involved in, I sit back and wonder if those who supported him during his campaign are thinking "Oh CRAP!"..... but they probably are not.

I know that some of my good friends are Trump supporters. I leave politics off the table when it comes to our friendship. We simply do not discuss. We know, as a group, that we have differing opinions. We know that if we get into discussions about those things, we will likely end up tarnishing our relationships.......so we just consider all that stuff off limits.

[Stillness]

Sounds like there's more than Trump support, but that this was just the straw that broke the camel's back?

I really think I know how you feel.

One of our friends that my wife and I looked up to recently confided to me that he wasn't supporting a special congregation event in the city that was important to us. The reasons sounded a lot like prejudice against people from the city and possibly racism against black people. As far as he believes, my wife and I are black. So are other members of our congregation. Some of them live in the city. I was born and raised there.

It was a shocking admission. He's not just a well-respected elder in our congregation, but also in our area. Displays of prejudice can cause a person to lose, not just their privileges, but their membership in our faith altogether. It's not just a social taboo. When I told my wife, she had a hard time with it. She still does.

I actually felt closer to him because he opened up to me about feelings he admitted are wrong. The fact that he was humble enough to admit to that weakness to me and another elder and make himself vulnerable was impressive.

Anyway, my point is that we can have expectations of others that are unfair. You're an immigrant, so you have a perspective that people who aren't can't have. And since none of us are omniscient, we have to be open to the possibility that others' views are right and ours is wrong, or that we're all wrong. And even if we're right and they're wrong, is it really worth it to judge them so harshly that we cut them off? Do they have redeeming qualities? How would we feel if a friend judged us that way?

One more thing, I'm not convinced that Trump is particularly racist or sexist, so I empathize with your friends.

------

Tl;dr Don't judge too harshly. Look for redeeming qualities. Treat others the way you want to be treated when you're wrong.

[atskitty2]

if this is not about Trump, why does his name come in? as if he's the poster child for "those values". If they hold these views, they held them prior to Trumps candidacy right? Why does it matter now?
had those topics just never come up in conversation prior?

if this is about a lack of respect for your friends and their views, then cut them off for that reason. What does their political affiliation have to do with it?

I am genuinely not meaning that harshly.

I am just completely perplexed by the responses to this election by so many people. I may have mentioned a girl here at work dumped her bf of a year because she found out he intended to vote for Trump. No other issues in their relationship, had never found him to be sexist before, but suddenly she couldn't bear the sight of him.

I don't think we know enough about Trump yet. Do I support him, yes. He is soon to be our president and we need to respect and support his position and office he holds. do I like it? no. do I like him? hell no. But we have a duty to respect here.
I don't like Obama either, but I stand behind him 100% for various reasons.

As I see it, we can disagree with someone and maintain unconditional respect and agree to disagree. that goes for our commander in chief or our neighbors.

I always think about James Carville and Mary Lee Martin??? ah. the names have me confused. far left liberal and far right conservative married couple on the news commentary. They make it look easy...

We are not just a collection of our opinions. We are much more than that...

I'm at work...can't be away long, but really, bottom line is, if you don't have any value in those friemdships cut them off.
What's trump got to do with it?

[amy40]

from Michelle Obama's last speech:
"for all the young people in this room and those who are watching
know this country belongs to you, to all of you from every background and walk of life
if you or your parents are immigrants, know that you are part of a proud American tradition
the infusion of new cultures, talents, and ideas
generation after generation
that has made us the greatest country on earth"


let yourself and kids be proud of who you are and your contributions

[Ashlee T.]

Kitty - I think when it comes to the behaviors in someone that purely violates our principal values, it IS about not respecting their opinion. Because it is ingrained in me NOT to respect or support the type of hatred and division he spewed forth during his campaign. It isn't about not respecting their right to have one. When I met my soulmate sister in 3rd grade (who still is, btw), a black girl in a white town I promised myself I would never sit back quietly in the face of racism. The same applies for secularism, nationalism, bigotry, sexism, etc etc etc. Trump and his past have shown us clear undertones of some of those things. Whether or not he truly is who he has shown us he is, both in class, respect and intelligence has yet to be determined but I do go by the saying "When someone shows you who they are.....believe them!" Until he shows me otherwise, I will believe him for who he SHOWS us he is.

This hasn't been an election like other elections. Politics, in this time, carry similar weight to religion and there are many people who would choose not to be in a relationship with someone of another religion. Imagine a hardcore evangelical christian in a relationship with an atheist. That only works in very rare cases. Why? Because even though each party might respect the others right to have an opinion, they do not respect the opinion itself.

[jns]

There has never been a politician that has been worth throwing away friends and family for. Don't let politicians' words be the lens that you see your friends and family through.