[Miss Understood]

My new Life Goal... try to become the "Best Version of ME!" And not vary from that for acceptance. Any input on that?

When in a relationship I need to know ahead of time who I am, what my boundaries are, and if that person fits me and supports who I am and the best version of me I want to be.I suspect it will mean sitting down and really having a lot of quite time in my values all over again.

Hey that reminds me of that author about the Dream Giver that said if you find yourself feeling "stuck" always reanalyze your priorities and values and check back to see if your actually living them. Also another one that said if you want to know someone's priorities... just look at their Daytimer, their thought life, their checkbook, and their actions, what they watch on TV, and who they surround themselves with.

[just4me]

My new Life Goal... try to become the "Best Version of ME!" And not vary from that for acceptance. Any input on that?

When in a relationship I need to know ahead of time who I am, what my boundaries are, and if that person fits me and supports who I am and the best version of me I want to be.I suspect it will mean sitting down and really having a lot of quite time in my values all over again.

Hey that reminds me of that author about the Dream Giver that said if you find yourself feeling "stuck" always reanalyze your priorities and values and check back to see if your actually living them. Also another one that said if you want to know someone's priorities... just look at their Daytimer, their thought life, their checkbook, and their actions, what they watch on TV, and who they surround themselves with.

I agree with you 100% and then some. I need to do the same thing. I have realized I have adjusted who I am to make others happy and now its time for me to just be me.

A person should love you, like you for who you are not who they expect or want you to be. No one should ever settle for less.

Way to go Miss Understood!!! I couldn't have said it any better myself.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

My new Life Goal... try to become the "Best Version of ME!" And not vary from that for acceptance. Any input on that?

When in a relationship I need to know ahead of time who I am, what my boundaries are, and if that person fits me and supports who I am and the best version of me I want to be.I suspect it will mean sitting down and really having a lot of quite time in my values all over again.

Hey that reminds me of that author about the Dream Giver that said if you find yourself feeling "stuck" always reanalyze your priorities and values and check back to see if your actually living them. Also another one that said if you want to know someone's priorities... just look at their Daytimer, their thought life, their checkbook, and their actions, what they watch on TV, and who they surround themselves with.

That should be hung up and phramed!!!!

Wow!

Nothing to add. You've said it all.....

CW

[rcoreyus]

If you start out defining what you are, doesn't that limit your ability to change? You might start out your career wanting to be a high level executive at a big company - fancy cars, big house. Then as time goes on, you discover that you don't like managing / controlling people, and are actually happy doing your own work and doing it well, and leaving the control to others.

I've always thought that one should find the things that they are good at, like doing, and are good for society - and spend time doing those things. For relationships find out what you like - and be willing to change your mind.


In the same way, you may imagine a serious loving relationship, and a stable family with 2 kids and dog, a station wagon, and a house with a white picket fence. Then you gradually discover you like excitement, even if it has its ups and downs, that you don't really like kids, want to drive a sports car, and live in an apartment in midtown.

[Miss Understood]

I understand

Yes, you are right, however I was also feeling that the goal would be a lifelong discovery. Yet, actually much of what makes me me are not those things like the job or sports-car or mate, they are accessories to who I am at that time. I was more thinking on values that guide me.

My aspirations to the best me are just being discovered but some so far I'm sure of are to have a habit of a healthy lifestyle and mindset. Another is to have relationships that I can be myself and give the best of me to others in need. Another would be to never be so rigid I can not be spontaneous in changing my mind at any given moment to do what I feel is right rather than what was "Planned." or relationally find that man that makes me feel supported rather than feeling my responsibility is to provide the habitual constant support in a relationship.

I tend to give excuses to people for habitual bad behavior toward me that makes me feel hurt and defeated. That would be a goal is to be graceful in that only to the extent that I do not allow myself to become a people pleaser or unhealthy view of myself or others in the process. If I'M not mentally and emotionally healthy, NONE of my relationships will be I doubt. I need to be confident I am proud of myself in where I am, while giving myself grace that all things valuable are usually things that take lots of time and everyone's a work in process and hopefully progress to their authentic version of their best self. You gotta give yourself doses of lots of grace when needed, but also surround yourself with graceful yet honestly truthful and kind with the "hard truth" friends when needed. Friends, they have to have both grace and conviction in their pocket for you when needed. Others that are not close to you, it's not their business unless you invite them in with questions and want outside opinion. Those people can make you think about things maybe your closer friends wouldn't, but you weigh it against yourself and the friend's you feel have qualities you admire and most of all respect. Don't you think?

And there will be times where we fall and learn to get up, so we can pass the wisdom and encouragement of those falls on to others. Seems this web-site has a lot to do with that particular concept. There's a lot of grace from people who have been "human" and done things they are not proud of, but they don't define everyone by their mistakes and realize they usually come here to be on a path to a better healthier way of thinking and find support while the current struggle continues. The light gets brighter as you keep the "who you are becoming" and "who value wise you want to be" in mind and ask for help from others to let go of what has a bad hold on you. Know what I mean?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Rcoreyus
I've always thought that one should find the things that they are good at, like doing, and are good for society - and spend time doing those things. For relationships find out what you like - and be willing to change your mind.


In the same way, you may imagine a serious loving relationship, and a stable family with 2 kids and dog, a station wagon, and a house with a white picket fence. Then you gradually discover you like excitement, even if it has its ups and downs, that you don't really like kids, want to drive a sports car, and live in an apartment in midtown.

That is true in as much as i sell houses, and people come to me with their wish list, it is almost an impossible dream, it must have. But further down the track, they change and purchase in an area they swore that they weren't looking at, or a new home when they specified it had to have character, and be old with new... So, you must be open minded at the same time with your wishes.

Misunderstood
I was also feeling that the goal would be a lifelong discovery. Yet, actually much of what makes me me are not those things like the job or sports-car or mate, they are accessories to who I am at that time. I was more thinking on values that guide me

A lifelong discovery, is constant change remember. You will find yourself and see things that you never thought you would do, as maybe already the case and change that for the next step... Yes, assessories are what comes from your goals, and values are highly important to take you on that journey.

missunderstood
I tend to give excuses to people for habitual bad behavior toward me that makes me feel hurt and defeated. That would be a goal is to be graceful in that only to the extent that I do not allow myself to become a people pleaser or unhealthy view of myself or others in the process. If I'M not mentally and emotionally healthy, NONE of my relationships will be I doubt.

Alot of people do as we hope that we do not have to come across bad behaviour, sometimes i think the key is to see through "negative and positive". So if a person in their discussions and converstations are only showing negativity on their life, i steer clear of them as getting to know them, not problems, but everything is negative, their life, the wife etc... I feel that way you remain positive surrounded by like minded people by not associating with negative people.

Also when you have goals people may sneer or say you won't reach them, then they are negative, so you ignore those people and you keep climbing for those goals.

I found writing them down on paper, then putting them in an order marking next to each one, which was the most important first, and then working only on that particular goal, dream and then once programmed a bit more in my mind and acting on it, then starting to look at number two and working with that one.

I think if you aim at too many at once, none will take of or work...

Writing on post it stickers as well of that first goal and sticking it by the mirror, bed, kettle, so you can see it everywhere everyday also helps achieve it.

Missunderstood
And there will be times where we fall and learn to get up, so we can pass the wisdom and encouragement of those falls on to others. Seems this web-site has a lot to do with that particular concept. There's a lot of grace from people who have been "human" and done things they are not proud of, but they don't define everyone by their mistakes and realize they usually come here to be on a path to a better healthier way of thinking and find support while the current struggle continues. The light gets brighter as you keep the "who you are becoming" and "who value wise you want to be" in mind and ask for help from others to let go of what has a bad hold on you. Know what I mean?

Very true and correct in-sight i believe.

Good luck with your new journey of life... It is exciting to forever strive to be the best you can be. But that does not mean you can't accept who you are, all qualities are good take the ones you don't like and aim at bettering those...

Take care,

I enjoy your insight on things..

CW