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Am I just hard-hearted and mean?

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  • You could have written this post about my best friend. She often mentions her troubles, which are pretty serious. I am certainly on her side but it can be stressful in her company sometimes. Like you, I care for my friend, but you have to look out for yourself, too. Don't be a martyr. Be honest with her about your feelings. Be kind, though: there's no need to kick her when she's down. Tell her what you've told us with a kind delivery. And say what you'd expect from her: it could be a night out once a month or one day a week she isn't talking about her problems. Be assertive and make it clear what you'd like in return for your efforts in the friendship. Confronting her is the key. Otherwise you'll grow resentful and the friendship will fizzle out. I am sure she's been a good friend in many ways, but you need to be direct with her.

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    • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
      I think my friend is finally going to see a counselor.She needs to process all this grief differently. .
      that's good she is going to go see a counsellor
      it is sad she's held on to the grief so long as it keeps her from moving forward with her life


      atskitty2
      kitty, I know your newest post is a rant, but did she ever start going to a counsellor?
      (after you posted that you thought she might start going to one)

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      • I've reached another frustration point so I must vent...

        I guess part of it is that I have so few people to hang out with regularly, that I fall back on a few people and she is a regular. That sounds terrible, and I do mean that I am more frustrated that it's so difficult to form friendships these days.

        She told me last week, or rather ranted, that she saw the dude from last winter. He was with a girl. They were hanging out at the same place they used to. She was flipping out over it.

        I just listened. I don't think I said anything to her. I was just confused. I was actually speechless maybe.

        I simply don't know what to say to maybe cause a light bulb to come on for her. I cannot grasp the ideas in her mind at all any more. It's exhausting, and I don't know why it's so hard to listen and be around her at times.

        There was no relationship. I have blatantly blurted that out in the past. I've been gentle and sensitive too. If I saw any of the men that I casually dated, I'd just speak to them and not hide behind trees and such to avoid them. She did. I'm guessing my mouth dropped open... As I pictured her ducking behind trees and cement pillars at the mall... As she described.
        We are not 16 any more. I just, I can't even imagine any more...

        So, she joined yet another dating site... And had herself worked up so much that she was blowing up my phone until midnight on a work night... Even though I stopped answering much earlier...

        And so comes the barrage of questions about why I'm not "fishing" or trying to meet anyone. I'm not interested right now.
        It's as if she gets a high from the attention. She sat with me one evening and checked her phone literally every 2 minutes or more... When there were people all around to socialize with. There have been times that I have walked away and talked to someone, or engaged in discussions with bartenders or whomever while she waits for responses... Completely disengaged with me and the people around, many happened to be nice people, and some attractive men.

        I just cannot understand it.

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