[FionaDiaz]

Behavior like this usually stems from A) suspicious behavior- confront them...

That is one of the worst things you can do to someone who is cheating! haha - the reason is because once someone knows you are suspicious, they will hide what they are doing better! Many women don't know if they are correct or not in their suspicions, so they just want to be sure since they are afraid of being paraniod.

I check my husband's email, not so much anymore but I did after he cheated... I used to trust blindly, I suppose my feelings towards it now is "trust but verify".

I used to say "without trust, how can there be love?" but now I see that sometimes we love the person even though we don't trust them (we want to trust them).

Of course, I don't think it's a good idea for us to go spying on people,but sometimes we do things that are wrong yet our reasons justify our act (even though I know that is wrong)...

...I don't feel guilty...

[rcoreyus]

Hm, "trust but verify" is OK for nuclear superpowers in a cold war, but I don't think it has any place in a loving relationship.

[C]

I would not nor have never checked on my husband's books or in his wallet. He did have a cellphone but never checked there either. The woman that was waiting at the motel for him was not a stranger to conversation. He had mentioned her before but the red flag just did not go off. One night when he called me and was late for his call and told me he had been talking to her, the flag went higher. Unfortunately not high enough to expect what I was to find out last year. I trusted OK but it was the woman that I had to worry about.

What this all proves is how deep our trust is for each other. The affair never happened and neither of us has ever doubted each other. But I still would love to wring her neck.....And when I am done with her I would go and find that nurse of years back who wanted him to go out for drinks after class........She I would kick her in the shins.....500 times.......Take care, Caroline

[Uneeklyme]

That is one of the worst things you can do to someone who is cheating! haha - the reason is because once someone knows you are suspicious, they will hide what they are doing better! Many women don't know if they are correct or not in their suspicions, so they just want to be sure since they are afraid of being paraniod.

This is why I said if they are not willing to explain their behavior or validate, move on. They are obviously hiding something and if its that big a deal ie: more than just a couple of beers with the boys every once in a while... it is probably damaging to a relationship anyway. No matter how good they are at hiding or sneaking around, a partner is still going to know there is something suspicious.

I check my husband's email, not so much anymore but I did after he cheated... I used to trust blindly, I suppose my feelings towards it now is "trust but verify".

Your suspicions were justified. You moved on to the next step to stay or go and how do we fix it and if I stay this is what I expect. If I remember right, he gave you full on permission to check his email and cell log after he admitted to an affair and promised to end it and never do it again?

I used to say "without trust, how can there be love?" but now I see that sometimes we love the person even though we don't trust them (we want to trust them).

I agree. Once trust is broken its very hard to get back. It comes down to how you deal with the feelings. I personally would not want to live always wondering, feeling sick at the thought of, and with the emotional turmoil of it all. Of course, I am speaking of affairs. There are different levels of trust for different actions. If my partner took all the money out of the checking account for whatever reason without telling me. I wouldnt trust him with my money again and would just make it inaccesable to him understanding that what he does with his money is his business as long as the bills are not suffering and making sure I could take care of it on my own if I had to. I am a firm believer there is no reason for an affair but that is a whole other topic along the lines of if you want to sleep with someone else, lets talk about it...you never know. Attraction for others is human nature.

Of course, I don't think it's a good idea for us to go spying on people,but sometimes we do things that are wrong yet our reasons justify our act (even though I know that is wrong)...

I also agree here. Human emotions and actions vary and are vary unpredictable from one to the next.

...I don't feel guilty...

Good. This was the right decision for you. I personally am still of the opinion that I would feel to guilty myself to snoop around. Kind of like a hypocrit in that I am sneaking around and hiding stuff to find out why he is.

[FionaDiaz]

This is why I said if they are not willing to explain their behavior or validate, move on. They are obviously hiding something and if its that big a deal ie: more than just a couple of beers with the boys every once in a while... it is probably damaging to a relationship anyway. No matter how good they are at hiding or sneaking around, a partner is still going to know there is something suspicious.


Your suspicions were justified. You moved on to the next step to stay or go and how do we fix it and if I stay this is what I expect. If I remember right, he gave you full on permission to check his email and cell log after he admitted to an affair and promised to end it and never do it again?


I agree. Once trust is broken its very hard to get back. It comes down to how you deal with the feelings. I personally would not want to live always wondering, feeling sick at the thought of, and with the emotional turmoil of it all. Of course, I am speaking of affairs. There are different levels of trust for different actions. If my partner took all the money out of the checking account for whatever reason without telling me. I wouldnt trust him with my money again and would just make it inaccesable to him understanding that what he does with his money is his business as long as the bills are not suffering and making sure I could take care of it on my own if I had to. I am a firm believer there is no reason for an affair but that is a whole other topic along the lines of if you want to sleep with someone else, lets talk about it...you never know. Attraction for others is human nature.


I also agree here. Human emotions and actions vary and are vary unpredictable from one to the next.


Good. This was the right decision for you. I personally am still of the opinion that I would feel to guilty myself to snoop around. Kind of like a hypocrit in that I am sneaking around and hiding stuff to find out why he is.

*hugs* You're so great!