[pinkgirl]

She has no idea how to keep her man sexually satisfied, and when a man isn't satisfied, his effort in other areas of the relationship will dwindle. Not feeling like you HAVE to have sex is all well and good, but dressing sexy and cuddling and kissing a guy with absolutely no chance of anything developing is called teasing, and as rorycues rightly points out, that's worse than simply no sex

What an assumption!! He is satisfied, he says he'd just like it sometimes for an added bonus, and for times when I am not up for sex e.g. at certain times of the month!

Also, I never said I dressed all sexy and kissed him etc. when I wasn't up for it.

If he does it for her why shouldn't she do it for him? I'm not going to say she needs to grow up... because most of the time we don't realize we have double standards... it's human nature.

...but I am going to say that I find it a lack of respect that she expects him to do this for her, yet she refuses to do the same for him.

The problem is that he loves doing it for me but I don't enjoy it like he does, and I can't help that. It's not that I don't like going down on him; I just don't like cum in my mouth and that is not my fault. Anyway, as I said it's not like I'm not willing to try and to compromise... I can't see how I can be fairer than that.

CarolineWH makes some good points!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

pinklady
I can understand the point about not teasing him when I'm up for it and he's not by wanting cuddles etc. but at the same time I agree with free spirit:

I think your original thread read the other way around....

In the above sentence, i can't see that as teezing? You want to, he doesn't so you cuddle, and that's teezing? I suspect you still mean't he wants to you don't but you'll cuddle and he thinks that's teezing and not accepting " i'm tired" ...

And i think most agree, that if your tired and don't want to a cuddle can make him feel sexual and then he's got to ware that on his own.. He obviously get sexually excited easily so probably difficult for him. I can understand that.

free spirit
How do I relate the many ways in which a woman may end up not being able to have sex? Vulvodynia, vulvar vestibulitus, vaginismus, Fibromalaygia, multiple sclerosis, pelvic inflammatory disease, endometreosis. You'll never know or understand until you have had to live with chronic pain 24/7/365.

I had an accident in 1999. Lived with chronic pain for a year. Fibromalaygia, Miofasical pain. As it was predominately in my shoulder, i couldn't get of the bed without screaming and mostly crying with pain, as you have to lift yourself up somehow, so often i'd sleep sitting up, then of course i became fatigued.. I was unable to have sex but jumped the hurdle after 6 or so months, as i wasn't going to miss out...Couldn't even hold a hair dryer if you can visualise. But it was difficult so sometimes yes, there is a time issue but a person has to get herself/himself out of injuries and not let it ruin their lives for years. As a sufferer whom did, i can vouch for that... It eventually, can, not does i appreciate, but can become more mental than physical as time goes by otherwise.

free spirit
Not if love, open communication and mutual respect is there. You have no idea how many millions of women deal with these painful syndromes each and every day. Many of whom, have the caring non-sexual support of a loving man. Sex can not be the end all- be all of a relationship.

So i agree with the above. Exepting that eventually, she has to get herself out of it, as "the caring non-sexual support of a loving man" can only go on for so long before he breaks... It is not the be all and end all but it IS a highly important part of a loving partnership.

Caroline
Nor should a woman push another woman to do something that she does not like, just to satisfy a man and change her outlook on sex the rest of her life.....We are each different and must respect this....TC, C

The mear fact that the threader is prepared to "try" on more than one occasion but "try" never the less, is all a guy can ask... It is not disrespectful to find it too difficult to take and find it too hard to do... She is in - fact enjoying satisfying him with her mouth, i agree and have always agreed, try for sure but if it can't be done, try later, if it still can't be done, it can't be done.

I do agree however, that just because it's that time of the month if your boyfriend is frisky and he pops up to say hello, nothing wrong with giving him a helping hand, it's still a form of endearment and commitment..

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chandlers Wish
I had an accident in 1999. Lived with chronic pain for a year. Fibromalaygia, Miofasical pain. As it was predominately in my shoulder, i couldn't get of the bed without screaming and mostly crying with pain, as you have to lift yourself up somehow, so often i'd sleep sitting up, then of course i became fatigued.. I was unable to have sex but jumped the hurdle after 6 or so months, as i wasn't going to miss out...Couldn't even hold a hair dryer if you can visualise. But it was difficult so sometimes yes, there is a time issue but a person has to get herself/himself out of injuries and not let it ruin their lives for years. As a sufferer whom did, i can vouch for that... It eventually, can, not does i appreciate, but can become more mental than physical as time goes by otherwise.

Sorry, the above read as if you were still saying this free spirt.

[C]

First of all I was not going to post anymore and let this Forum belong to the young but there will be times when it calls me because it is part of my past and who I am.

Years ago when we were married I stopped letting my husband do oral sex on me...I used to think it was because of that boss thing but it wasn't...Now I recall a time in bed when he asked me to suck him off. I was shocked as truly I had not heard of something like that done and in the few months of hot foreplay we had before we got married I never did this...To be truthful, I never even unzipped him but sure enjoyed all he gave me...I am not sure of what I was thinking but somewhere lost in hot passion...

Because of this request, I turned him off. He was no longer allowed to give me oral. I figured in my mind that if he didn't do it to me that he would not want me to do it to him. Now what any of you women or men are thinking of what I did, so be it....I won't read the reply anyway...I will speak and let it be. But this is the way a woman feels about something that is distasteful. What one woman enjoys another one doesn't...I was not a prude as you all know but was an inexperienced virgin in many ways...This woman is giving him oral but not wanting to take his cum and she is not wrong....She is right and if she doesn't want to do it she shouldn't....Not until she is darn good and ready...It may take months and it may take years but she is a good woman and we are not all alike....I did but it took me time and believe me, I am hotter than holy living hell...

Do you wonder why so many marriages are in the rag bag...Here is one of the biggest reasons of them all. Sucking di*k and drinking cum....They would rather have it shoved up their butt than doing this...I only know what I know....I would hope that this would be considered a Sexual Health Post because that is what it is.....I am just doing a blog on how Unique a woman is and saw this and exploded......So with that in mind I probably will explode every once in a while around her and do a post but I will promise you in front of God and all that I will never come back and answer it again.....Lessens the hurt....

TC, C

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Interesting, if generations are different?

In as much as i was mentioning this Forum to my Mother on Mother's day, and going down on a man came into the conversation.....

Her reaction was " oh god no, i use that to put food in ah"...

That truly shocked me, perhaps not as in the now but that comment to me, meant "never". Not in the past, present or future.

I always saw it as the norm... it just is.... in my generation..

As i said, interesting as surely, it's an individuals choice but at the same time, did my father ever stand up and say but i would like it?

But learing about each other, sharing together, i still believe is important, in a loving relationship. And what can't be agreed on, can't be agreed on, what is great for some, isn't so great for others.... that's just a fact. If you don't like something, you don't like it and no matter what he / she says it's not going to change personally to you...

I personally will try almost anything and am open to almost anything but that doesn't make me better than someone else.

We are all different people....

CW

[FionaDiaz]

My mother and I talk about sex sometimes... when we moved to Guatemala we became "friends" since we had no one else to talk to really, niether of us spoke spanish.

Apparently, she has always "gone down" (and still does) on a man, as well as always recieved... and she is 67 years old.

Of course, it was insane for a woman to give oral before actually having sex with a man, where now-a-days many women do that first, but giving oral still happened.

And women swallowed too :P

I don't think anyone should be 'forced' to do anything sexually... however I think people should do things to please their partners out of love, even if it's not their favorite thing to do....

That's my opinion.... obviously other people have different opinions.... in the end, it's up to the OP to decide on what she will do.

She asked a question, we answered it, don't get mad when we give our honest opinions even if it isn't what you want to hear.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

My mother and I talk about sex sometimes... when we moved to Guatemala we became "friends" since we had no one else to talk to really, niether of us spoke spanish.

Apparently, she has always "gone down" (and still does) on a man, as well as always recieved... and she is 67 years old.

Of course, it was insane for a woman to give oral before actually having sex with a man, where now-a-days many women do that first, but giving oral still happened.

And women swallowed too :P

I don't think anyone should be 'forced' to do anything sexually... however I think people should do things to please their partners out of love, even if it's not their favorite thing to do....

That's my opinion.... obviously other people have different opinions.... in the end, it's up to the OP to decide on what she will do.

She asked a question, we answered it, don't get mad when we give our honest opinions even if it isn't what you want to hear.

Well that corrects that "myth".. I was curious but then again, i have ascertained my Mother is a "Prude", very different, i thought about it all night...as i said i was gobsmacked.

I recall a girlfriend at school, her mother was "cool" mine was "old fashioned to the hilt" oh i wished i had "that mum " at the time, pretty normal i feel back then....

Fiona Diaz
That's my opinion.... obviously other people have different opinions.... in the end, it's up to the OP to decide on what she will do.

She asked a question, we answered it, don't get mad when we give our honest opinions even if it isn't what you want to hear.

[/QUOTE]

Apart from that, the above i agree...

[Uneeklyme]

I would have a problem with someone who couldn't even take my cum in their mouth, even if they were to just spit it out again, simply because it would lead to relatively poor oral sex. And you generally don't want bad sex, so....
All the girls here will tell you not to do anything you don't want to do or don't feel comfortable with, and I will say, that if he's always willing to do whatever to please you, where is the problem in reciprocating?

I hate to agree with a guy on the topic of sex...
But anon is right about good oral, and if he does it for you why not do it back?... you should at least bring it to your mouth... if you want, you can just spit it on your breasts... some guys like that.

It would seem to me if you were to get to the point of orgasm from oral sex it must be a fairly decent blow job as opposed to reltively poor oral sex. As far as reciprocating... why does it always have to be *** for tat... Maybe he enjoys performing oral sex on her and thats why he is doing it. Just so happens that she enjoys it. She doesnt say she doesnt enjoy performing oral on him, she just doesnt like to swallow. You can bet that if he didnt enjoy performing oral on her he would try everything else in the book to get out of doing it and possibly just refuse to do it. There are men like this out there as we have seen from other threads. In essence, what you say is who cares if you dont like it or it makes you gag and possibly vomit, your selfish, prude and whining if you dont. With that kind of thinking, I dont care if you dont like to give me oral when I am on my period. So what if it makes you gag or vomit, I like it and your just being selfish, prude and whining.
Other arguments like you dont even have to taste it if you take it into the back of your throat and just swallow. Texture is texture no matter how far back in the throat it is. Some people cant swallow liver because of the texture. It just is and demanding someone do it is just asking for trouble. Also, our nasal passages are in the back of our throats. Some people cant handle the smell and yes, sperm does have a distinctive odor. Letting it hit the back of our throats... we can still smell it and in a way, taste it. Lets not forget the gag reflex in the back of our throats. Its a real thing. A man pushing his d**k into the back of our throats triggers it. Again, if you can make your woman puke, you should feel so manly. Taking cum into our mouths and then spitting it out... we still get the taste, smell and texture... some of the exact things that some women find unpleasant.
There are alternatives to swallowing. We all know that when were talking about alternatives were talking sexually not generally like Eh, I dont like to swallow, lets play cards. I am talking alternatives like blowing him to the edge and finishing him off with your hand or such. Compramise... Ill blow you but cum on my chest or face. I think women should try swallowing, more than once even but I dont think anyone has the right to demand it if it just isnt there or cant be done. Demanding it after she has tried it and is just not into it or cant do it is selfish.

When you are not in the mood and he is, don't try to cuddle or even sit too close to him, you'll just have to put up with less affection the same way he will have to put up with less affection!

If a guy is aroused, it can be very difficult to just cuddle.

I can't cuddle when I'm horny and he's not. It's like torture for me.

I agree. If you have told your partner no, im tired and not in the mood, it needs to be understood that your partner is aroused and physical contact is frustrating for them. It would be unfair to ask them to be close to you physically at that point in time. Having said that though, there are times when not all physical contact has to be sexual. Occasionally cuddling up just to cuddle without any expectations of sex is comforting. There is a time and place for it though and when our partner has just been turned down for sex is probably not it.

Not feeling like you HAVE to have sex is all well and good, but dressing sexy and cuddling and kissing a guy with absolutely no chance of anything developing is called teasing.

I have read the OP a few times and dont see where she mentions dressing sexy, cuddling up to him or kissing on him. I do see where she tells him she is tired and he gets all ****y and starts a fight. I also see where she occasionally wants to just cuddle without the pressure of it being sexual.

Tired means that you should've been sexual enough to either not worry about being tired(not many guys have this problem, and it's us who do 90% of the work), or for finding some time during the day that you weren't tired. Tired means that you aren't interested enough in sex to make it a priority, and then when you have children for an excuse you can become asexual, or run your partner soley on your unsatisfying sex drive. Being happy with a rubbish sex life isn't being "man enough".

Really not sure what the intent of the first statement is. Realisticly, not everyone has the chance to have sex sometime during the day before they are tired. Some people work all day and get home tired. Tired has nothing to do with interest. Sometimes the mind is turned on full volume but the body just cant get there. Some people dont judge manliness ie: "man enough" solely on how their sexual performance is. If this is what a relationship is judged on... Alot of men suck in the sack and these days women are taking ownership of their own sex lives. So, the rubbish sex life you speak of may be you getting the boot because your performance isnt up to her standards. Men do 90% of the work? If this is the case for you then you have had some pretty cold fish sex partners.

What PMO is the women here that do not do this and will not do this that encourage another woman to take it in and swallow it.....You are normal and a wonderful woman.....Do not change....Nor should a woman push another woman to do something that she does not like, just to satisfy a man and change her outlook on sex the rest of her life.....We are each different and must respect this....TC, C

I guess I am not seeing where this is happeneing either. Its my understanding that all of the women in this thread that are encouraging her to try swallowing actually do it themselves? I also see where they are telling her to try it more than once even but hey, if it isnt there it just isnt and dont sweat it.

[rcoreyus]

I agree with you. Just cuddling can be great, and should be part of a relationship. But somtimes when one partner is aroused and the other doesn't want sex it can be a problem. Hopefuly that is a rare problem.

Uneekleme posted:
I agree. If you have told your partner no, im tired and not in the mood, it needs to be understood that your partner is aroused and physical contact is frustrating for them. It would be unfair to ask them to be close to you physically at that point in time. Having said that though, there are times when not all physical contact has to be sexual. Occasionally cuddling up just to cuddle without any expectations of sex is comforting. There is a time and place for it though and when our partner has just been turned down for sex is probably not it.

[kiwilibb]

If you have a good relationship you should beable to discuss any problems you have. Women often dont feel the need for sex as much as men and vise versa, and my hubby and I have both come upon this in our 25 yrs of marriage, but because we love each other so much we can tell each other if we dont feel like sex and not get upset. We comprimise too as sometimes when Im tired and he needs sex I just say ok well thats cool but Im not really in the mood tonight, but Im happy to oblige you, and yes its a quickie for him and a cuddle for me, but it suffices for that time and we both feel contented. Other times when we both feel in the mood we set the scene and have a long session enjoying eachother totally. As far as not liking him to cum in your mouth, alot dont, but try kissing and licking him etc, as far as you feel comfortable and ask him to be patient,,,, maybe you will come to enjoy it and maybe you wont, but there is alot of things you can enjoy together without the need for that.