[The Orbess]

So have him stop giving you oral.

Then we'll see how you take the idea of reciprocation.

Besides, it's common sex etiquette. They give you take then you give back. That's part of what makes sex so great!
I can see how he feels the way he does, but on the other hand, ur not stopping him either!
So just try not having him do oral..if he tries, say 'not tonight"..so that way there's no obligation.

See how long you can go without missing oral (if its that good to start with). Give him the picture that u wont play his game, but you can play your own!

If he doesn't give, than you wont have to either. No pressure!

-The Orbess

[ChelseaRenee]

So have him stop giving you oral.

Then we'll see how you take the idea of reciprocation.

Besides, it's common sex etiquette. They give you take then you give back. That's part of what makes sex so great!
I can see how he feels the way he does, but on the other hand, ur not stopping him either!
So just try not having him do oral..if he tries, say 'not tonight"..so that way there's no obligation.

See how long you can go without missing oral (if its that good to start with). Give him the picture that u wont play his game, but you can play your own!

If he doesn't give, than you wont have to either. No pressure!

-The Orbess

Or if he has such a problem with her not swallowing, then he can stop offering to do it? lol

And I don't know if a lot of these people didn't read the OP, but she IS RECIPROCATING. She just doesn't swallow. Since when the heck is a blowjob not a blowjob anymore unless you swallow? That's news to me.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

What an assumption!! He is satisfied, he says he'd just like it sometimes for an added bonus, and for times when I am not up for sex e.g. at certain times of the month!

Also, I never said I dressed all sexy and kissed him etc. when I wasn't up for it.

Well, he's the man, so I'm guessing her always wants more than you do anyway, so I'd say its basically a fact that you are more satisfied than him. As for getting him wound up cuddling him when he's horny and you're not - I didn't say it was intentional, but that's what he's probably thinking in his head. And fair enough.

The problem is that he loves doing it for me but I don't enjoy it like he does, and I can't help that. It's not that I don't like going down on him; I just don't like cum in my mouth and that is not my fault. Anyway, as I said it's not like I'm not willing to try and to compromise... I can't see how I can be fairer than that.

Sure, trying's all good and everything. I just thought I'd say that if it's not a mouth that brings you to orgasm then it is **** oral. It's very unsatisfying to be brought near to orgasm, then finished off by some clumsy hand motion,

She doesnt say she doesnt enjoy performing oral on him, she just doesnt like to swallow. You can bet that if he didnt enjoy performing oral on her he would try everything else in the book to get out of doing it and possibly just refuse to do it. There are men like this out there as we have seen from other threads. In essence, what you say is who cares if you dont like it or it makes you gag and possibly vomit, your selfish, prude and whining if you dont. With that kind of thinking, I dont care if you dont like to give me oral when I am on my period. So what if it makes you gag or vomit, I like it and your just being selfish, prude and whining.

She didn't say that she didn't like swallowing, she said that she would never bring him to climax with her mouth - there's a difference. If he didn't enjoy performing oral, then I'd tell him the same as I'd tell her.

As for people not liking sexual things, it's my opinion that it's basically that they haven't reached a level of sexual freedom yet, rather than that they hate it, so getting them to do it a bit might make them a better rounded lover. Replace your example for female ejaculation and we're getting somewhere.

Other arguments like you dont even have to taste it if you take it into the back of your throat and just swallow. Texture is texture no matter how far back in the throat it is. Some people cant swallow liver because of the texture. It just is and demanding someone do it is just asking for trouble. Also, our nasal passages are in the back of our throats. Some people cant handle the smell and yes, sperm does have a distinctive odor. Letting it hit the back of our throats... we can still smell it and in a way, taste it. Lets not forget the gag reflex in the back of our throats. Its a real thing. A man pushing his d**k into the back of our throats triggers it. Again, if you can make your woman puke, you should feel so manly. Taking cum into our mouths and then spitting it out... we still get the taste, smell and texture... some of the exact things that some women find unpleasant.

Ok, so what you're saying is that it's okay for a woman to act like your sperm is fatal acid or diseased devil juice? If you really want to be like that, that's fine, though I wouldn't have anything to do with you relationship-wise. Believe it or not I also know about the gag reflex, which is why you shouldn't push it, and the woman should learn to give good head - and with some willing practice the gag reflex can be supressed or overcome.

I am talking alternatives like blowing him to the edge and finishing him off with your hand or such. Compramise...

Yeah that sucks, maybe compramise by not swallowing?

I have read the OP a few times and dont see where she mentions dressing sexy, cuddling up to him or kissing on him. I do see where she tells him she is tired and he gets all ****y and starts a fight. I also see where she occasionally wants to just cuddle without the pressure of it being sexual.

She never mentioned dressing sexy, but she probably does. If her man is attracted to her, then basically whatever she does will be able to turn him on - especially cuddling etc. Which you just agreed with, so I don't know what your point is.

Really not sure what the intent of the first statement is. Realisticly, not everyone has the chance to have sex sometime during the day before they are tired. Some people work all day and get home tired. Tired has nothing to do with interest. Sometimes the mind is turned on full volume but the body just cant get there. Some people dont judge manliness ie: "man enough" solely on how their sexual performance is. If this is what a relationship is judged on... Alot of men suck in the sack and these days women are taking ownership of their own sex lives. So, the rubbish sex life you speak of may be you getting the boot because your performance isnt up to her standards. Men do 90% of the work? If this is the case for you then you have had some pretty cold fish sex partners.

"I'm tired is a pretty classic excuse - it's an "I don't really feel like it so leave me alone" sort of thing (on the whole). Generally because the womans sex drive is slumping and she doesn't dare to say that she doesn't want sex. Obviously in a small percentage of cases the person is actually too tired - but if a man is interested in sex being tired is practically never an issue. Also, I never said anything about being man-enough, save in response to someone.

I'm sure lots of men these days suck in bed, just like a lot of women, which is why everyone should be trying to get better instead of going "Ewwww! Catholic school told me that's for the devil I'm never doing it!" or "Ew, it doesn't taste like strawberries and cream so what possible reason could I have to do that?". As for men doing 90% of the work, I'll stick by that, although obviously since men are far more physical creatures that's just how it winds up. Though I can't say that my ex wasn't a cold fish.

[Uneeklyme]

Well, he's the man, so I'm guessing her always wants more than you do anyway, so I'd say its basically a fact that you are more satisfied than him. As for getting him wound up cuddling him when he's horny and you're not - I didn't say it was intentional, but that's what he's probably thinking in his head. And fair enough.

Had this same conversation last night. Why is it assumed that just because male is male they want sex more than women. I can only speak from personal experience but I want sex way more often than any partner than I have ever been with has. The three women I was talking with about this seemed to be of similar opinion in that they wanted it way more than they were getting it from their husbands.

Sure, trying's all good and everything. I just thought I'd say that if it's not a mouth that brings you to orgasm then it is **** oral. It's very unsatisfying to be brought near to orgasm, then finished off by some clumsy hand motion,

Better than not getting it all which in turn makes it better than crappy oral. If you know your not finishing where you started why ask for it. The power of choosing not to be unsatisfied.

She didn't say that she didn't like swallowing, she said that she would never bring him to climax with her mouth - there's a difference. If he didn't enjoy performing oral, then I'd tell him the same as I'd tell her.

She said she doesnt like the taste/texture of sperm so therefor I assumed it meant she doesnt swallow not that she doesnt bring him to climax with her mouth then move out of the way.

As for people not liking sexual things, it's my opinion that it's basically that they haven't reached a level of sexual freedom yet, rather than that they hate it, so getting them to do it a bit might make them a better rounded lover. Replace your example for female ejaculation and we're getting somewhere.

I agree. With more experience comes better lovers. People can learn to like or at the very least accept. This is why I encourage to try more than once. As far as replacing my example...why? It is a comparable sex act that many men dont like to do. Yes, female ejaculation is also compareable but I say if you dont like swallowing it get me there then get the heck out of the way. I do not have any right to demand a partner to swallow it. I appreciate that my partner did what he did to get me there, not ***** about him not taking it all. I actually hate it when my lover doesnt get out of the way... I am way to sensitive and the orgasm is way to intense to be interupted by what he may do.

Ok, so what you're saying is that it's okay for a woman to act like your sperm is fatal acid or diseased devil juice?

You know dang well I was not saying that. You come across as a fair bit smarter and more perceptive than that.

If you really want to be like that, that's fine, though I wouldn't have anything to do with you relationship-wise.Believe it or not I also know about the gag reflex, which is why you shouldn't push it, and the woman should learn to give good head - and with some willing practice the gag reflex can be supressed or overcome.

Your right, women should be good at what they are doing if they are going to do it. The gag reflex can be overcome. This does not change the fact that demanding swallowing is not acceptabel[/quote]

Yeah that sucks, maybe compramise by not swallowing?

She never mentioned dressing sexy, but she probably does. If her man is attracted to her, then basically whatever she does will be able to turn him on - especially cuddling etc. Which you just agreed with, so I don't know what your point is.

You assume she tries to turn him on then turns him down. Its his mind that takes it to a sexual level when he looks at her sitting in her pajamas on the couch. If a woman gets into her pajamas and heads to bed...it usually means she is gearing for sleep not sex. I agreed she should not expect him to cuddle if she just turned him down for sex.

"I'm tired is a pretty classic excuse - it's an "I don't really feel like it so leave me alone" sort of thing (on the whole). Generally because the womans sex drive is slumping and she doesn't dare to say that she doesn't want sex. Obviously in a small percentage of cases the person is actually too tired - but if a man is interested in sex being tired is practically never an issue. Also, I never said anything about being man-enough, save in response to someone.

I was always led to believe I have a headache is a classic excuse. Your right, there is tired and there is to tired. Tired should not be an excuse when a simple I am not interested tonight is more straight forward and cannot be misread or mislead. Makes it so men cannot try to skirt around a no then throw a fit and start a fight. I do see where you were responding about being "man enough" but it comes across as a statement... "being happy with a rubbish sex life isn't being "man enough"

I'm sure lots of men these days suck in bed, just like a lot of women, which is why everyone should be trying to get better instead of going "Ewwww! Catholic school told me that's for the devil I'm never doing it!" or "Ew, it doesn't taste like strawberries and cream so what possible reason could I have to do that?". As for men doing 90% of the work, I'll stick by that, although obviously since men are far more physical creatures that's just how it winds up. Though I can't say that my ex wasn't a cold fish.

I guess when you finally do marry your wife will be one lucky woman what with her not having to do much more than twich. ( is this 10%?) why you work, clean, cook, take care of the kids, and all the other things while looking forward to jumping in the sack and working to turn her on for 8 minutes, her squirming for 1 and you pumping for the finish. 90%....bah

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Had this same conversation last night. Why is it assumed that just because male is male they want sex more than women. I can only speak from personal experience but I want sex way more often than any partner than I have ever been with has. The three women I was talking with about this seemed to be of similar opinion in that they wanted it way more than they were getting it from their husbands.

I think that it varies, really. Obviously there is the usual standard deviation, but I think there's a bit of a pattern that in ages 16-25 the male sex drive will be higher than the womans, and at ages 28-40 she probably has a higher drive than her man. I guess since I currently fall in that age range I speak like its a universal truth.

Better than not getting it all which in turn makes it better than crappy oral. If you know your not finishing where you started why ask for it. The power of choosing not to be unsatisfied.

I don't really know what your saying here. Bad oral makes it better than no oral, but good oral is of course better than both...

She said she doesnt like the taste/texture of sperm so therefor I assumed it meant she doesnt swallow not that she doesnt bring him to climax with her mouth then move out of the way.

Well, that's what the discussion is about... I can make do with a woman spitting - granted I'd hope that she was more of a sexual animal, but if she's really got a problem with it, I won't force her or demand it (unless I think I can get away with it <_< ).

I agree. With more experience comes better lovers. People can learn to like or at the very least accept. This is why I encourage to try more than once. As far as replacing my example...why? It is a comparable sex act that many men dont like to do. Yes, female ejaculation is also compareable but I say if you dont like swallowing it get me there then get the heck out of the way. I do not have any right to demand a partner to swallow it. I appreciate that my partner did what he did to get me there, not ***** about him not taking it all. I actually hate it when my lover doesnt get out of the way... I am way to sensitive and the orgasm is way to intense to be interupted by what he may do.

Comparing swallowing cum, to blood and the wall of your uterus is a little off I think. Its like saying that swallowing cum is like asking your partner to drink from an absyss you're draining. Why not keep it as it is, cum to cum. As for you being concious about him getting covered in it, if it actually really turned you on, wouldn't you find it a bit troubling if he couldn't get out of the way fast enough? But as I said anyway, I'm not insisting on women swallowing in this discussion. Just that she should bring him to orgasm with her mouth. Even though I think all women should swallow..

Your right, women should be good at what they are doing if they are going to do it. The gag reflex can be overcome. This does not change the fact that demanding swallowing is not acceptabel

And I'm not....

You assume she tries to turn him on then turns him down. Its his mind that takes it to a sexual level when he looks at her sitting in her pajamas on the couch. If a woman gets into her pajamas and heads to bed...it usually means she is gearing for sleep not sex. I agreed she should not expect him to cuddle if she just turned him down for sex.

No, you assume that I assume... I'm talking from the guys point of view. For example, that he can be watching TV, and she's in her sleeping clothes being something like some knickers and a t-shirt. Not intentionally provocative but if she's crawling around on him it could be too much for him not to get aroused and therefore frustrated. It's not his fault what turns him on and what doesn't. She should take comfort in the fact that she can provoke that with him and respect him not to taunt him with it (even though that isn't her intention).

I do see where you were responding about being "man enough" but it comes across as a statement... "being happy with a rubbish sex life isn't being "man enough"

Well, you or whoever it was that said it, said that people who cant cope with unsatisfying sexuality isn't "man enough" to be in a relationship. Paraphrased. I was saying that the opposite is probably more accurate, men are sexual predators, settling for poor sex isn't very manly...

I guess when you finally do marry your wife will be one lucky woman what with her not having to do much more than twich. ( is this 10%?) why you work, clean, cook, take care of the kids, and all the other things while looking forward to jumping in the sack and working to turn her on for 8 minutes, her squirming for 1 and you pumping for the finish. 90%....bah

Ha! Of course I don't do 90% of the chores! Silly. I am a man after all. Err, that is to say, that I don't think that waking up and running to do the dishes, dusting the surfaces and vaccing is my preffered lifestyle. Far be it for me to stop someone else doing it if they want to.... But anyway, I wont be moving in with anyone else for the next ten years. Maybe I'll have "grown up" by then (I need my space). And if there's something in there directed at my sexual prowess, I generally spend 45 minutes or so on foreplay.

[Uneeklyme]

I think that it varies, really. Obviously there is the usual standard deviation, but I think there's a bit of a pattern that in ages 16-25 the male sex drive will be higher than the womans, and at ages 28-40 she probably has a higher drive than her man. I guess since I currently fall in that age range I speak like its a universal truth.

fair enough. And since I fall into the second age group I speak univerally for that group. A bad habit I guess but I do try and give a concious thought that not everyone thinks like I do. Clarifying is a good thing.FPRIVATE "TYPE=PICT;ALT=0"

I don't really know what your saying here. Bad oral makes it better than no oral, but good oral is of course better than both...

Agreed. Just saying that if your complaining about no oral and you finally get it...even if its bad its better than nothing. We make the choice to have the bad oral or just not ask for it at all.

Comparing swallowing cum, to blood and the wall of your uterus is a little off I think. Its like saying that swallowing cum is like asking your partner to drink from an absyss you're draining. Why not keep it as it is, cum to cum. As for you being concious about him getting covered in it, if it actually really turned you on, wouldn't you find it a bit troubling if he couldn't get out of the way fast enough? But as I said anyway, I'm not insisting on women swallowing in this discussion. Just that she should bring him to orgasm with her mouth. Even though I think all women should swallow..

And I think its right on target. There is more ejaculate in one male orgasm than blood in one hour of a womans period. Its not like we open up like a dam and lose a few gallons a month. The ew factor is a great comparison as well. Not to many women ejaculate so to keep it on an even level... this seems to be the best comparison. As far as being concious about him getting covered in it... Im all for him moving an inch away and taking a hit. I am saying that for me, if he continues to try and stimulate me through an ejaculating orgasm it detracts from it and I prefer he just not stimulate me while I am in the middle of it. I like to just stop for the 30 or 60 seconds and let it happen in all its intensity. And the should could easily be misinterpretated. I will take it as I think you mean it here.

No, you assume that I assume... I'm talking from the guys point of view. For example, that he can be watching TV, and she's in her sleeping clothes being something like some knickers and a t-shirt. Not intentionally provocative but if she's crawling around on him it could be too much for him not to get aroused and therefore frustrated. It's not his fault what turns him on and what doesn't. She should take comfort in the fact that she can provoke that with him and respect him not to taunt him with it (even though that isn't her intention).

Actually I did not assume, you stated. I do understand what you mean but took your original post as stated not assumed.

Ha! Of course I don't do 90% of the chores! Silly. I am a man after all. Err, that is to say, that I don't think that waking up and running to do the dishes, dusting the surfaces and vaccing is my preffered lifestyle. Far be it for me to stop someone else doing it if they want to.... But anyway, I wont be moving in with anyone else for the next ten years. Maybe I'll have "grown up" by then (I need my space). And if there's something in there directed at my sexual prowess, I generally spend 45 minutes or so on foreplay.

No, not a crack at your anything. I talked more of the 90% thing and was making a joke about it. Sorry if you read it as directed at your sexual prowess.

[pinkgirl]

She never mentioned dressing sexy, but she probably does.

Ok, just to confirm - I was wearing comfy pyjamas. I would not dress sexy then turn down sex etc. because that's just teasing and mean.

Since the original post, I have compromised and given it more of a try but I still really dislike the taste/texture. The thing is, it's really hard not to look like I'm really not liking it when he cums in my mouth and that's a problem because then he says he feels bad because I'm not enjoying it! But he still wants it... then I think why is he always asking me to do something he can see (and knows) I dislike? I know it feels good for him, but should he want me to be doing something I dislike so much for his pleasure?

Also it's not like I don't want to go down on him at all - I like the pleasure it gives him and I like the act of doing it, just not the end result in my mouth!!

And yes, I know many have pointed out that switching from mouth to hand etc. at the end can be unsatisfying but surely it's not THAT bad. Better than no oral? Or oral whilst knowing that your girlfriend is not enjoying it and really dislikes having your cum in her mouth?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ok, just to confirm - I was wearing comfy pyjamas. I would not dress sexy then turn down sex etc. because that's just teasing and mean.

Since the original post, I have compromised and given it more of a try but I still really dislike the taste/texture. The thing is, it's really hard not to look like I'm really not liking it when he cums in my mouth and that's a problem because then he says he feels bad because I'm not enjoying it! But he still wants it... then I think why is he always asking me to do something he can see (and knows) I dislike? I know it feels good for him, but should he want me to be doing something I dislike so much for his pleasure?

Also it's not like I don't want to go down on him at all - I like the pleasure it gives him and I like the act of doing it, just not the end result in my mouth!!

And yes, I know many have pointed out that switching from mouth to hand etc. at the end can be unsatisfying but surely it's not THAT bad. Better than no oral? Or oral whilst knowing that your girlfriend is not enjoying it and really dislikes having your cum in her mouth?

I will say this for the last time... If it aint on it aint on.

Good for you really good for you god, you even went down the path of trying ask many guys that post here that say she won't even do that.

Simple. YOu tried you don't like NO, it should not be a problem.

How can someone say to you ahhhh it's not that bad? It's a matter of "taste" so to speak...

Tell him babe, i tried, i dont' like it, i give good.. and get over it...

Simple....

It is only the guys whom disagree here they feel you MUST FIND A WAY, well NO YOU MUST BE YOURSELF..

And wow for a woman whom TRIED, try and try if you do not succeed, well at least you TRIED...

Good on you for trying just tell him apart from all you do, in lust, desire, love, you tried and it's not for you but hey, you tried.,

He needs to get over that fact

CW

[anonymouswhitefemale]

And I think its right on target. There is more ejaculate in one male orgasm than blood in one hour of a womans period. Its not like we open up like a dam and lose a few gallons a month. The ew factor is a great comparison as well. Not to many women ejaculate so to keep it on an even level... this seems to be the best comparison.

What about eating faeces? We both have that, is that the same? One thing is sexual, the other is not.

And the should could easily be misinterpretated. I will take it as I think you mean it here.

I think that men should do whatever they can to ensure that their woman is sexually fulfilled, even if it's things that they may not be dying to do. And vica versa.

Actually I did not assume, you stated. I do understand what you mean but took your original post as stated not assumed.

Ok, but what I am saying is that things can be unintentionally sexy. This guy might find pajamas really sexy...

Ok, just to confirm - I was wearing comfy pyjamas. I would not dress sexy then turn down sex etc. because that's just teasing and mean.

Do you have to be wearing sexy clothes for your boyfriend to hunger for you sexually? I don't think so. If you can see that that would be mean, you must be able to see that if he's really horny and he's very attracted to you, that it would be the same.

Since the original post, I have compromised and given it more of a try but I still really dislike the taste/texture. The thing is, it's really hard not to look like I'm really not liking it when he cums in my mouth and that's a problem because then he says he feels bad because I'm not enjoying it! But he still wants it... then I think why is he always asking me to do something he can see (and knows) I dislike? I know it feels good for him, but should he want me to be doing something I dislike so much for his pleasure?

We all want to think that our woman hungers for our sexuality, is an animal for us, etc. We try to put our fantasy into real life, and see our woman disgusted. We just want our women to be dirty and free! Obviously only a select few of us enjoy that look of disgust on our women.

And yes, I know many have pointed out that switching from mouth to hand etc. at the end can be unsatisfying but surely it's not THAT bad. Better than no oral? Or oral whilst knowing that your girlfriend is not enjoying it and really dislikes having your cum in her mouth?

Well, it's pretty bad. Obviously something is better than nothing, but if you could have someone give you a sweet, or a three course meal, wouldn't you be a bit annoyed if there were people out there who would be happy to give you a three course meal and you just kept getting handed boiled sweets? Obviously the comparison is exagurated, but the theory is the same.

[free spirit]

I will say this for the last time... If it aint on it aint on.

Good for you really good for you god, you even went down the path of trying ask many guys that post here that say she won't even do that.

Simple. YOu tried you don't like NO, it should not be a problem.

How can someone say to you ahhhh it's not that bad? It's a matter of "taste" so to speak...

Tell him babe, i tried, i dont' like it, i give good.. and get over it...

Simple....

It is only the guys whom disagree here they feel you MUST FIND A WAY, well NO YOU MUST BE YOURSELF..

And wow for a woman whom TRIED, try and try if you do not succeed, well at least you TRIED...

Good on you for trying just tell him apart from all you do, in lust, desire, love, you tried and it's not for you but hey, you tried.,

He needs to get over that fact

CW

I whole heartedly agree. There must be compromise for a relationship to work. Being forced or coerced or guilted into doing something you don't like to do, is just wrong and it's selfish.

Stand your ground, be true to yourself. If he is mature enough, it shouldn't be a problem.