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  • advice

    Hi Ladies,

    Sorry to invade, but im looking for some advice which hopefully wont be trolled.

    My partner recently went away with some girl friends, i was really happy for her to go so she could let her hair down without me and the kids. and enjoy herself.

    It has been really hard for me, as i struggle to make friends. she is my best friend and means the world to me.

    anyway when she returned she spoke about the holiday and one part has got me a little concerned. i really want to trust her and im sure this is all in my head.

    one night they all went out for a meal and then went drinking later on. she told me one of her friends was not feeling well and wanted to go back to the hotel.

    apparently the rest of her friends stayed out till like 5 in the morning. she said to me that two american guys paid for her friends to go into a vip club and paid 300 euros and proceeded to pay for drinks that were say celeb expensive.

    she mentioned that her friend was on about going down on him. and when they came back they blurted out all the details.

    the thing is everytime ive heard about it she describes the location with more details but not deviating from what she said before and then is quick to move away from the subject.

    when her friend came round i joking said did you not get drunk. she replied back with we never felt ill drinking. i noticed my partner glare at her friend and she said apart from feeling ill on that night and we returned to the hotel.

    this is when i started to get concerned.

    she is always on fb and nerver posted anything not even happy anniversary. which really peed me off.

    she says she wanted to enjoy the holiday.

    as i have never been abroad she wants to take me there which im really excited about.

    but i cant help feeling maybe something happened out there. she has been alot closer to me since returning. but that could be because we had a big chat when she got back and clearer a few other issues.

    we have had sex twice since returning which im lucky to have once a month and she even offer a bj which she would not normally do. although she hasnt because of flu.

    she also came back with a rash on belly which could be heat rash and now has flu which she said there a kid in the plane who was poorly.

    so what do i do.

    i really hope this is nothing and just in my head please be honest


  • Sometimes jealousy is more about the one feeling it than the other person, but it sounds like your suspicions are based on evidence.

    Can you talk to her about it? Find a quiet time when you're both relaxed - not right before work or after. Tell her you want to talk to her. Sit close, hold her hand, and calmly, express your concerns. Don't get emotional. Be straightforward and logical. Look her right in the eyes. See how she responds.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126


    • There have been studies done which show that men can keep their affairs secret for longer and don't change their behaviours at home than women. This is because a woman will try to cover up the fact that she is having an affair by being more amorous than previously. Now don't take this as gospel because each person will be different. I would hope that you two could sit down for an honest heart-to-heart. You need to know that even if she went to this establishment - she may be innocent of any wrong doings. Ask the hard questions now and then perhaps you can work through things.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.


      • Welcome to our forum. Not too many trolls hang out with us, so I hope you will find helpful the feedback here.

        Have you just asked her, bluntly, the details of HER actions on that night? Have you told her the concerns that you have? Have there been issues with trust on either side in the past?

        It's very possible that something disappointing happened on her trip. It's difficult to know from what you shared. It's very possible that she did nothing to betray your trust. It may be that she simply doesn't want you to know how the others behaved.

        I could be more helpful with more information, but really, it is speculation on my part. Talking to her, good communication is the best place to start.

        You do say that you discussed and resolved some things when she returned and the sex has been more frequent.
        That could mean that whatever happened there was an eye opener for her and maybe she has a new perspective, and wants to make some changes.


        • thanks for the replies. i really dont think she would cheat. however we are only human.

          ive tried to have the balls to ask her. but at present i dont really have any proof. just what she said which chances are i could be reading wrong.

          we seem in a good place at the moment and the last thing i want to do upset by asking a question which i have no way off proving.

          she did mention what happened with her friends in front of her family, which is starting to make me think nothing happened.

          so with this unless you can advise me otherwise. im just going to carry on.

          please can you delete this thread or atleast the first post.



          • Let me offer a theory about more than normal sex when she got back. There could have been some situations that got her excited, but she was a good girl. When she got back, she released that pent up excitement on you. Has she said she wants you to go the next time again?
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


            • when she got back we talked about how i always wanted to go abroad and that i was jealous and annoyed. but didnt say anything before because i didnt want her to miss out. i put her first. afterwards she said we should go somewhere. she doesnt mind going back to barcelona or we could go prague. both look amazing but i really want to see the gothic quater and the sagrada familia in barcelona. so i suggested maybe there which she didnt seem bothered about.

              the main reason we have not gone is because i dont like heights. but it is something im determined to atleast try.


              • I second atskitty2's post. Communication is the best place to start. And do have a heart-to-heart. I also think that if you are willing to try, you can get on an airplane: even though I can understand how scary it is for you. Just keep the channels of communication open and you'll both work things out.


                • The obvious sometimes eludes our detection.

                  Jealously will harm an otherwise great relationship.

                  Walkers, you gotta figure out which it is. Might just be that nothing happened. However, indicators, such as your g/f's glare at her friend when your broached the topic of their partying. Why would your g/f become upset with an innocuous query?

                  A slight deviation from patterns could be due to many things. Or it could be an indicator of guilt.

                  When think it can't happen to us, we find out it already has.

                  I've read an article that was purportedly based upon research about women's infidelity. Vacationing away from husbands ranked high for straying.

                  You might never know for sure. Do you want to know for sure?

                  I do see why you're concerned.

                  Anecdotal: I've had more than one friend whose wife was banging another dude. One in particular told me obvious signs of infidelity flew right over his head. Finally, after a couple years, he decided to do research that started with phone bills and travel itineraries. She'd been banging another dude for at least two years. When he confronted her with irrefutable evidence, she denied it. She lied like a dirty politician. When evidence became undeniable, she copped to each flying from their home cities to a beautiful and expensive city with spectacular views of the Pacific where they stayed in five star hotels hotels which he (my friend) footed most of the bills. He had never checked his credit card bills because she conveniently paid them. While I have never said this to him, I still feel that that wan't the first side action she got.

                  Women will stay to the same percentage as men: approximately 64% of married women will have at least one affair.

                  Were it me, at this point I'd try to purge my mind of what might have occurred. That difficult part being that if she did bang a dude while she was on vacation and away from you is wondering if she's done it before. In other words, is it a pattern of conduct?

                  I wish you the absolute best of luck.



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