[atskitty2]

No, thankfully, I don't have any people that I think are toxic. It had actually occurred to me that I am the toxic one.

[amy40]

looked up elitist and found an article describing elitist as narcissistic

[amy40]

It had actually occurred to me that I am the toxic one.

why you?

from your friend description a few mos back in relationships, I thought maybe you were thinking of her when you started this thread

[atskitty2]

Sometimes I think that friendship has run its course and we are very different, but I don't think she's "toxic" necessarily. She has some issues that I get tired of hearing about time after time, but I realized at some point, that I simply needed to be a better friend, be honest and blunt and stay compassionate in doing so. I don't think about cutting it out like I used to. I needed to change, not the friendship.

I think my concern came from the issues with my parents, and how all that played out. It has bothered me so deeply and I'm not completely sure why. I was able to get in to see my counselor this week, to bounce things off her and get some unbiased feedback and help sorting my thoughts.

I'm not sure where the term toxic comes from in regard to people, but it seems accurate. I think my mother is toxic and I fear I'm following the same path. I'm not sure how to determine if I am, or how to correct it. Guess that will come in time.

[atskitty2]

Sometimes I think that friendship has run its course and we are very different, but I don't think she's "toxic" necessarily. She has some issues that I get tired of hearing about time after time, but I realized at some point, that I simply needed to be a better friend, be honest and blunt and stay compassionate in doing so. I don't think about cutting it out like I used to. I needed to change, not the friendship.

I think my concern came from the issues with my parents, and how all that played out. It has bothered me so deeply and I'm not completely sure why. I was able to get in to see my counselor this week, to bounce things off her and get some unbiased feedback and help sorting my thoughts.

I'm not sure where the term toxic comes from in regard to people, but it seems accurate. I think my mother is toxic and I fear I'm following the same path. I'm not sure how to determine if I am, or how to correct it. Guess that will come in time.

[Stillness]

I don't really hear that term much, but it makes me think of a chemical that has a deleterious effect on the health of anyone that comes in contact with it. I imagine a "toxic" person would have the same effect to the life of those around them. It would be more than just a bad break here and there. That can happen to anyone. And we can all make decisions we regret that can hurt those we love. But a person with a life course and pattern of bad choices that negatively affects them and those around them would merit the label, I imagine. Contact with them brings more harm than benefit.

I don't have anyone in my life like this. I try very hard to think about the outcome my decisions will have on myself and others and I hope that no one views me as toxic. I do have family like this and I've had friends like this. I just limit contact with them just like I would radiation or harsh chemicals. Every second spent with them is a risk that you'll be sucked into a cyclone of stupidity.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I've known toxic people: I just don't get involved with them. I steer well clear. There are all kinds of people in the world and many I don't agree with and will never be friends with. I have had some people hate me, but I don't play their games. I can't change other people and am not going to endure anything they want to dish out. Anyhow, toxic people do need to just be ignored, if possible. I wouldn't confront the person but would simply not talk to them.

[Ashlee T.]

I know I'm not toxic. I internalize most any negativity I experience so that it isn't projected onto those around me. I make it a point to smile a lot and am known for it. As a result, I have very little patience for toxicity from others. It is one of the main reasons I cut ties with the friend I posted about (my deceased boyfriends mother). She seems to have periods of times she does better, but or the most part she is negative and finds ways to inject negativity into almost any discussion. I know with certainty she speaks negatively about me behind my back and then tries to speak negatively about others to me. I just have no time for that. I can actually FEEL the toxicity injecting into my veins when I am in those situation. I have to mentally tell myself not to let it absorb. It doesn't matter to me what someone's reason is for being toxic. We all go through tough times in life.

Wondering if you're a toxic one? My suggestion is to make it a point to smile more, even if it's not your nature to do so. Find things that make you laugh and shed happy tears (Love What Matters on Facebook is a great one!) and interject those into your day, every day. Those types of things help to remind me how many great people there are out there, how beautiful things are, how good life is and that helps negate cynicism developed through tough times. Additionally, it is fine to have those close who you vent with (like all of us here do with each other!) but if you find that the majority of your conversations involve you wallowing in some sort of self pity or negativity, recognize it when you're doing it and steer yourself in a new direction.

Kitty, just from what I have seen from you here, I would not even be able to stretch and say you're a toxic person. And most importantly, I think because you don't want to be one, you will not be. You are too self aware.

[atskitty2]

Thanks for that BD. I don't think I am but I guess I wonder sometimes, the reason for certain things.

I think I will ask a friend of mine that I've known for several years now. He is honest and he would be that one person who would tell me if he thinks that, or saw any indication of that. We've been brutally honest with each other before, and I know he'd tell me straight.

I think my mother is toxic and I realized the depth of that over Christmas. My sister and I had a conversation in which she confessed how much she thinks she's becoming more like Mom, even though she's always favored Dad.

It's terrifying to me...as that is so far from how I view myself and how I've tried to live. It's the things that we don't know that creep up and guide us sometimes in a path we may not realize we're walking down.

As for my mother, do I just let the relationship die?

[Ashlee T.]

As for my mother, do I just let the relationship die?

Could you just put the relationship in a different place? Maybe not let it die, but relocate its importance level and your expectations of it?