[Raina]

What is it with guys and their need for porn? I'm not labeling all men as skirt scouts but I've known my fair share of guys who've looked at it. I'm only asking this because I'm mad at the moment. I feel disrespected and lied to. Me and my fiance gave up something un-necessary for the other. I gave up (I'm so embarassed to say this) online Roleplaying (All text based) for him because he didn't like it when one became sexual (and the fact that there was someone else involved on the other end of the Roleplay) and he gave up looking at porn for me. We had talks about his porn peeping a couple times and how it made me feel. I hardly touched the keyboard in a while for my Roleplays but I still enjoyed reading others, which to him was the same thing so I quit doing that as well. So, here I am the only one keeping my end of the deal (I dont know what else I could call it) and hes had visits to Redtube and other junk. I only know about these visits because of a video file I saw sitting on the "Recent Items" tab in the start menu on this laptop. It was titled "Kristina". I tried to click it and watch it but it had been deleted and the Recycle Ben was completely empty. So I searched and looked around more on the laptop and found it (of sorts) and la-di-da, a lovely little porn video! Downloaded AND watched on the same night I was spending the night with his grandmother because her husband just recently passed away. My knowledge of his visits to Redtube was provoked by me seeing the junk file sitting on that "Recent Items" tab.

I can't even think of a way of asking him "WTF, what happened to us giving something up for one another?" without being mean. I even went easy on his end and agreed to letting him watch porn JUST as long as I was there to watch it with him as well AND it be man on woman. It was man on woman, but I wasn't there. I was asleep 5am in the morning! It just can't see it through his eyes on this one. Porn makes me insecure (Especially when the main starring woman is a blonde as well, she has a big chest size, nice tan body, nails are done, cleanly shaved. etc etc. You know how porn is!) and it doesn't help when he doesn't really let me use what little money I have to buy a thing or two or help improve my appearance.

I suppose I'm looking for some comfort/support as well as some answers as to why the man I love can't seem to resist. (Most likely need to ask him myself)

[rcoreyus]

Is his porn use interfering with your sex life or other things? Do you think he watches frequently (every day), or just every once in a while?

[Raina]

Is his porn use interfering with your sex life or other things? Do you think he watches frequently (every day), or just every once in a while?

I feel as though it does affect it. It used to be where he would watch or look at porn then come wake me up and fix his boner. That bothered me alot because I didn't give it to him (Grant it I was happy he came to me to fix it rather than pinch it off himself). I can LITERALLY never get it when I want sex. I can be dressed up as cute as a button or as sexy as sexy can get and still not get it. "I'm to tired" "I'm not in the mood" "I've got a headache" "I was about to play *Random game name*" there are more excuse, I just can't think of them. Yet, I can't make him leave me be when he wants it. It doesn't matter if I am tired, If I'm not in the mood or anything. I get sexually frustrated and let him know when I am frisky because hes told me to tell him. Yet I get turned down and later that night he has a little fling for a website or two. This whole porn thing might be my fault however. A couple of nights ago he came to me wanting sex and I was to tired (mentally and physically) to tell him no. So I gave it to him and he hadn't touched me for so long that it hurt at first I wasn't enjoying it at that very moment but I was putting out for him regardless (His grandfather had been in the hospital for a whole week and a half before he passed away and so he didnt touch me for a while after he died) he asked me, "Do you not enjoy sex anymore, baby?" and I felt the most horrible feeling come over me, I was not expecting that question and it took a second for me to answer. "Of course I still enjoy sex, it just hurts a little right now."

Needless to say I've been frisky for the past two days and am to frightened to come to him to fix it. I don't want to be turned down AGAIN to find out he looked at porn later on that night and left me needy. If he has access to a computer daily then he would have a fling daily.

To be honest, I'm not sure which way I am going with this. I feel like I'm sticking my foot in my mouth. I just want the focused attention that those women get. I want the ability to keep his eyes on me and get what I want from him.

[stressed]

1) Solve your sex life without porn in mind. If both of you get rejected often then something is wrong and you have to discuss it. This is a major step.

2) I don't like that you quit something and he did not. Since he's back to porn you might as well go back to your game and not even hide it from him (even better that it upsets him, as he will understand how you feel when he does the same). Starting playing again will make you feel better revenge-wise for a while. Not a permanent solution but it will ease your anger and frustration for a while, until you discuss this.

3) If your sex life becomes normal porn will probably not hurt as much. If he understands how and why you feel the way you do about it he might cut down on it by himself.

[WildChild]

I can understand your frustration and I don't advise "revenge" as an attitude, ever, although there is nothing wrong with assisting him in understanding how what he is doing feels to you.

and it doesn't help when he doesn't really let me use what little money I have to buy a thing or two or help improve my appearance.

This statement concerns me. Is this money you have earned? Unless you have a spending problem it's none of his business. It sounds like the two of you have some communication and control matters to discuss?

[rcoreyus]

I think porn may be more of a symptom than a cause here. I'd suggest you try to fix your sex life first - you two seem out of sync somehow - both wanting sex, both getting turned down often.

[Raina]

I can understand your frustration and I don't advise "revenge" as an attitude, ever, although there is nothing wrong with assisting him in understanding how what he is doing feels to you.



This statement concerns me. Is this money you have earned? Unless you have a spending problem it's none of his business. It sounds like the two of you have some communication and control matters to discuss?

He has a spending problem and he is a controlling kind of person. I hardly ever get to use money Ive made for things for myself (Food doesn't really count) and hes a smoker. If I make money and want to buy myself something from Olay or something, he gets nippy about how we need to pay for bills. Yet, hes the one spending about 130 bucks a month with smoking.

We got frisky in the shower earlier which made me feel good cause I flirted and teased around a bit and wasn't denied! I think maybe I wasn't trying hard enough. The only let down was that he got off before I could, but I'm not really complaining. I was happy I wasn't rejected. <3

[RosePetal]

I don't understand the concept of porn, I believe sex to be a shared by two people only, why a man needs to watch another women having sex with another man, women, group etc beats me! Why would a man want to MasterBate watching other women I think that in itself is indirect cheating so what if it's on tv or the Internet would u want your man to masturbate infront of a women if she was there In person. I just think it's wrong totally.