[Raina]

Ive been with my fiance for 3 years now and hes on the heavier side (around 300lbs or a little less) and he just told me tonight that hes self conscious about himself now. All of a sudden? His weight bothers me during sex a little, but only because its difficult for me to be ontop and such but its never made me love him any less! I dont understand why he is so self conscious all of a sudden and it makes me wonder the worst. He just made a lady friend at his job and well, shes 'cool'. Shes also his type (Just my opinion) because shes a petite girl (as am I) and shes a rocker chick, etc etc. Hes even gone as far to sending her a back (covering the whole back) tattoo he found in a magazine as a text message telling her he thinks it would look great on her. Ontop of that, shes apparently dealing with a divorce? He told me she was married when we got into it about him hiding his friendship with women from me. I just have the worst little demons running around in my head about all of this. I don't get much affection, but I still get it from time to time (Like before he came out with the self conscious thing, he called me beautiful) and I love it when I get it. We haven't had sex for a while though, Ive tried imitating it and getting nothing, so I've gone without. I try my hardest to never think the worst, but I cant help it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Relationships can get stagnant and in that, people wonder, sometimes not intentionallly... Was, he ever affectionate? Did you ever, honestly enjoy your sex life with him? You may have just given up but that is not a good relationship to be in..

I'd say you snooped To uncover the text message, surely that also doesn't feel good to have to do when in love?

Everytime someone snoops they get in-secure,feel hurt, betrayed, it could be that he thinks she's a cool chick, full stop,and he called you beautiful before this occured...

However, given you don't get much attention, rarely have sex, he may be feeling un-attractive and someone has made him a "mate" and so, he in-deed may be feeling lost, un-loved himself and he may be interested as well..

You can claim back your love, he's been with you a while, by telling him, he's beautiful inside and out, laughing with him and making he realise he has a woman that he in-fact loves.....

We do search for what's missing in our lives, even if we don't act on it

CW

[Raina]

Relationships can get stagnant and in that, people wonder, sometimes not intentionallly... Was, he ever affectionate? Did you ever, honestly enjoy your sex life with him? You may have just given up but that is not a good relationship to be in..

I'd say you snooped To uncover the text message, surely that also doesn't feel good to have to do when in love?

Everytime someone snoops they get in-secure,feel hurt, betrayed, it could be that he thinks she's a cool chick, full stop,and he called you beautiful before this occured...

However, given you don't get much attention, rarely have sex, he may be feeling un-attractive and someone has made him a "mate" and so, he in-deed may be feeling lost, un-loved himself and he may be interested as well..

You can claim back your love, he's been with you a while, by telling him, he's beautiful inside and out, laughing with him and making he realise he has a woman that he in-fact loves.....

We do search for what's missing in our lives, even if we don't act on it

CW

That text is old and he sent it to me and one of our lady friends. I'm completely at a lose, I didn't tell him anything about what he said to her or anything about the text, I just let it be and loved him still, I didn't love him any less than I have been. Someone today made a crude remark about his weight and I think that tipped him over. He told me (as he was talking me to his grandmothers) that the reason we haven't been having sex is because hes self-conscious now about his weight. I'm trying to understand how he tells me I'm beautiful but a few minutes later he confesses as to why we haven't gotten intimate or me not receiving much affection lately because hes self-conscious. I love my sex life, I just can't get anything from him when I try to initiate some play time. We talked about it, and I asked him, "If you are this distant without making a decision as to whether or not you want to do something about your weight, what would change depending on your decision?" he called me paranoid and that those kinds of questions is the reason why he didn't want to say anything. I told him that if he hadn't of told me I would've assumed that his distance was because of me.

I'm also trying to understand why hes letting something hes dealt with for a few years bother him now and why hes letting it effect our sex life. I've tried to get him to be 'playful' atleast twice this week and 2 times last week as well and he was either, "Im tired" "I got a headache" "Im playing this game right now" "Im not in the mood".

We barely sleep in th same house anymore. Why? Because Ive been talked into staying with his grandmother 5 nights a week (Leaving to come to her house at 6pm and leaving her house to go home at 10am or so) and despite me being paid for it, its starting to bother me. I miss sleeping in my bed. Even if its a 100 dollars a week just to stay the night, if its affecting my relationship then I believe I have no choice but to stop staying here.

Then again, I'm scared of how things are falling into play. We haven't had sex for 2 or 3 weeks or so. Around the same time he had just made friends with that girl. The only thing preventing me from having this friendship set as my main focus as to why hes self-conscious all of a sudden is that douche on a video-game!

Christmas is this Saturday, and I so desperately want it to be a Merry one.

[evaone]

sometimes i feel the same with my hubby but at the end of the story he is still with me. it's you who can avoid that thought, don't get paranoid if you really love him just trust him all the way.

[JadedQueen]

The reason he may be selfconcious all of a sudden is maybe he overheard someone make a comment about his weight? Maybe he's gained a little more weight and his clothes are fitting tighter? I have had my weight go up and down all my life and every time i gained weight I never thought much about being heavier until I would see a photo of myself then it would really hit me how heavy I looked and I would get self concious about it. If he's been heavy all or most of his life and it didn't bother him but now it does... something he heard or saw triggered his insecurity. Just do all that you can to reassure him that you love him and are still in love with him regardless of his weight. He may be so self concious about his weight that he doesn't want to get intimate because he's selfconcious. I honestly don't think you have much to worry about with this girl... I think they are just friends. If there were flirting going on he would be acting differently than being selfconcious. Perhaps the lack of time/intimacy with him is fueling your doubts/insecurity? Sounds like you and your man need a romantic time together. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

[Raina]

The reason he may be selfconcious all of a sudden is maybe he overheard someone make a comment about his weight? Maybe he's gained a little more weight and his clothes are fitting tighter? I have had my weight go up and down all my life and every time i gained weight I never thought much about being heavier until I would see a photo of myself then it would really hit me how heavy I looked and I would get self concious about it. If he's been heavy all or most of his life and it didn't bother him but now it does... something he heard or saw triggered his insecurity. Just do all that you can to reassure him that you love him and are still in love with him regardless of his weight. He may be so self concious about his weight that he doesn't want to get intimate because he's selfconcious. I honestly don't think you have much to worry about with this girl... I think they are just friends. If there were flirting going on he would be acting differently than being selfconcious. Perhaps the lack of time/intimacy with him is fueling your doubts/insecurity? Sounds like you and your man need a romantic time together. I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

Lack of time is a major issue. I stay with his grandmother 5 nights a week starting from 6pm to either 10am or 11am, depending on if I can wake him up via phone call or not (I had to walk today because I couldnt wake him up, thankfully its only a 30 minute walk) and its really been stressing me out badly. I do get 100 dollars a week for staying but I don't ever see any of that money for myself and it goes straight to bills and the 2 nights I'm NOT staying with her I'm working my seasonal job, so I really hardly ever get to see him. When I do have time with him when hes not working and I'm not working, he plays Call of Duty: Black Ops religiously and its almost impossible to tear him from him when hes playing with the guys he knows on there. Everything went from him being self-conscious to me feeling unappreciated.