[Raina]

I don't think I will ever 'act' more mature. I spent 5 (it might've been 6) years with a guy who was OVER dominating. I slunk to the background and kinda adapted to his ways and its only been a year since I left him, but I'm still stuck in those childish ways. I'm not in the least bit used to trying to be sexy or wantable. Thats right, My Bear told me a few nights ago that if I acted more mature/sexy that I'd be more wantable and told me to stop being this while pointing to ALL of me. I'm at a loss. The VERY few attempts I made in trying to be sexy I ended up mentioning flaws I saw in myself and it ruined it. What truly sucks the most is I'm afraid the good attempts I've gotten in are too late to count. I can barely get affection from him at this point without getting picked on or told "that enough, you're dismissed" despite knowing its a joke, it hurts just the same.

I'm also not thrilled in the least that I'm no longer aloud to talk to my family about things like this, BUT he has ALL THE reins to tell his family that 'she acts like shes 9 in bed, shes childish' when we're drinking and I'm downstairs fetching drinks. Drunk people are def now? Lol.

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[Jayci]

Raina
Who is your bear? is this another guy or the same one, if it is the same one then you need to end it and find a guy who is going to respect you for being you. Not mentally attack you and CONTROL you. You need to get out of this toxic relationship before you get deeper into depression and loose all self-respect for yourself.

You need to not be too hard on yourself, we all have flaws, however... you are not painting this guy in a good light. He sounds to be the one with major issues and you are not doing yourself any favours being with him.

How will he know if you are talking to family/friends about him?? Has he forbidden you to see them? Has he only given you enough $ and petrol to get to work and back home?

RAINA - GET OUT AND DO IT QUICK. Surely you have friends who will help you out/let stay. There are shelters that take battered and abused women who need to get out and who are afraid of being hurt by their exes for leaving. Check what is available, you need to get into a better environment and relationship. Because you are not broken... it is because of all the put downs from "Your bear".

JC

I don't think I will ever 'act' more mature. I spent 5 (it might've been 6) years with a guy who was OVER dominating. I slunk to the background and kinda adapted to his ways and its only been a year since I left him, but I'm still stuck in those childish ways. I'm not in the least bit used to trying to be sexy or wantable. Thats right, My Bear told me a few nights ago that if I acted more mature/sexy that I'd be more wantable and told me to stop being this while pointing to ALL of me. I'm at a loss. The VERY few attempts I made in trying to be sexy I ended up mentioning flaws I saw in myself and it ruined it. What truly sucks the most is I'm afraid the good attempts I've gotten in are too late to count. I can barely get affection from him at this point without getting picked on or told "that enough, you're dismissed" despite knowing its a joke, it hurts just the same.

I'm also not thrilled in the least that I'm no longer aloud to talk to my family about things like this, BUT he has ALL THE reins to tell his family that 'she acts like shes 9 in bed, shes childish' when we're drinking and I'm downstairs fetching drinks. Drunk people are def now? Lol.

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[Little]

You're not broken. Your boyfriend is just being a massive jerk. It doesn't sound like he's joking ... it sounds like he's being just as controlling and cruel as your ex.

When did this change in his behavior come around? Has it been gradual? Are you happy with the way things are?

[Euphoric]

He sounds like an emtionally abusive person. Personally, I wouldn't stay with a prick who told me who I can and can not talk to. Even in a marrige, a person needs to maintain their individuality while sharing their life with their partner. He is belittling you when he makes comments about you not being sexy and dismissing you. That is not a joke. It's hurtful. He obviously has self-esteem issues and needs to put you down to make himself look big. As far as him having free rein to discuss your sex life with his family shows a load of disrespect for you.

I think you need to do some soul searching and evaluate what you want out of life from a partner. If he treats you like this now, it's not going to get better. He is controlling and manipulative. Why are you "fetching" drinks? If he wants a drink, tell him to go get it, you aren't his maid.

As long as you stay in this abusive relationship, your self-worth is going to continue to diminish. You left one jerk for treating you bad. Why are you willing to stay with this one? There are good guys out there, but you need to be willing to accept that you are worth more than you are getting and search for Mr. right. BF1 and 2 are losers.