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How do I support his dreams, while also keeping him in reality?

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  • amy40 Yep. Band mate basically said he's not making the band a priority (thats been obvious now for months) and that he still wants to do it on the side to make some extra money but it's not going to be his focus. So....I suppose they are supposed to write on Sunday nights, and then rehearse on Wed for the little shows they're going to do here and there.

    Not surprised about the girl. Musicians who want to be successful and intend to put the work in to make that happen, practice ALL the time, constantly looking for ways to improve.
    "Be what you're looking for."

    Comment


    • Hi Beautiful,

      The band is a dead letter. Sounds like your boyfriend is wrapped up in a friendship with a guy who, whatever they shared before, doesn't share that with him now. You are right: either they're both totally committed or it's a hobby. Doesn't sound like the bandmate has any thought of committing. To have a chance to go anywhere, your boyfriend has to break with his friend and find other musicians as hungry as he seems to be. Problem is, at his age, he's got all the time in the world.

      I'm with kitty: how long are you willing to wait?

      Macon
      ______________________

      Give all your love now. For all we know we might be dead by tomorrow.

      Comment


      • If he found some other musicians who are as hungry as he is for it, I'd be thrilled for him. You're right, at his age, he DOES have time and I don't want him to miss out and settle into some boring career he'll waste away in for the rest of his life. I truly want him to be in something he enjoys, it's just the whole making that happen that seems to be the issue.

        As it turned out, last night was more of a song writing/mixing session than it was a band rehearsal. Now they'll pitch the song to artists. I'm fine with that. But I feel like bf is just going in whatever direction his friend is going. His friend is focused on writing, so now bf is focused on writing. Will that be the new reason for not pursuing something more stable? There are lots of careers in the music industry that don't involve being an on stage, record selling artist.

        I don't know the answer to that question. I guess I'll know it if that time comes that I'm no longer willing to be patient and supportive with it all. :-(

        "Be what you're looking for."

        Comment


        • I don't know a lot on how to be a famous musician but you're obviously a very caring girlfriend who wants her boyfriend to succeed. I think you're doing a great job already. You could subtly suggest day jobs that could help him pay for band practice or the suchlike. He will need funds to pay for sound equipment and transport among other things. You're definitely right not to push. I don't know if he'll make it but he's lucky to have you.

          Comment


          • BD, any changes or development here?

            I've become really into the local music scene. I hadn't realized what a great niche we have around here for local bands. It's becoming my fave thing on weekends I'm off, then I follow the groups I like on social media.

            I saw an amazing band several weeks ago, and I follow them on FB. It's pretty obvious that they have nobody overseeing their promotion or even monitoring the website. It's dismal. They're the most talented I've seen in the year or so that I've been watching bands, by a landslide. Yet there's few posts, few pics and upcoming dates are posted late... apparently not even a gf playing the fun side of social media for these guys. And They're amazing.
            At the show, my Friend asked the base player to buy a CD. Lol. Kid says, oh dude we forgot ' em at our last show. Lol
            Important element. I will drive an hour or so to see them again. Totally hope they get somewhere.

            Anyway, my friend is a drummer. Until we started bar hopping to find the best locals, I hadn't realized what a talented drummer he is/was. He finally told me his music history, and played a couple recordings for me. I was shocked. He played all over the country, back in the late 80/90's. Great band, original stuff. Bluesy rock stuff. He STILL has bands, young and old, calling trying to hire him. He hasn't played in years.

            He got married and raised 2 kids instead. He told me he realized at some point, the lifestyle wasn't compatible with being the kind of dad he wanted to be. He walked away. His kids are grown now, and he's thinking about picking it up again for fun, as he may be able to retire in a few years and dedicate more time to music.

            He told me a lot about the lifestyle back then, driving all over the country, living out of the trunk, building their connection for more dates to play.

            Helped me understand a bit better, what you may be facing.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by atskitty2
              He got married and raised 2 kids instead. He told me he realized at some point, the lifestyle wasn't compatible with being the kind of dad he wanted to be. He walked away. His kids are grown now, and he's thinking about picking it up again for fun, as he may be able to retire in a few years and dedicate more time to music.
              A musician who has his priorities straight. I hope he can get back into playing.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


              • I hope so too jns

                Comment


                • Hey! :-) That's a common story of musicians Kitty. I respect and appreciate those (like the guy you mentioned) who have their priorities straight. Perhaps he had his fill of music as a career and can now just enjoy it as a hobby.

                  There are times I get frustrated of course, but my guy has made some big and positive improvements since I made this post. He finally saw the light where his bandmate was concerned. It took a bit of "encouragement" from me, but he finally spoke with him and his band mate told him pretty much exactly what I thought which was "I am having success in other areas of music and not having success with the band, so I'm focusing all my efforts on this other stuff. I still want to play, but the band won't be my top priority." Definitely heartbreaking for my bf, but it was what he needed. He has branched out and is now being hired to play with multiple different groups and events. He has created his own personal musician website, got business cards, and is constantly networking. His focus is now making this particular band a hit (though I'm sure he wouldn't turn it down), but on becoming the most sought after drummer he can be. Thursday and Friday we attended a huge trade show for musicians. His focus was networking. I am proud of him and the efforts he is making.

                  I am still waiting on the job shift though. He got a little bump in position and pay, but he's still not making enough to move out. He seems to REALLY want to move out. He reached out to an acquaintance who is a successful body work mechanic in the city (big city) he lives in and asked to be mentored or for an apprenticeship. In other words, he's trying.
                  "Be what you're looking for."

                  Comment


                  • It's nice to hear things are moving forward, BD.
                    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                    ...
                    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                    Comment


                    • That's wonderful, Beautiful Disaster. I'm so pleased things are on the up. On another note: it does seem people who go on talent shows are quickly recruited and go straight to the spotlight, whereas real musicians like your partner have to work much harder to get noticed. It doesn't seem fair. I'm not saying your partner should enter a talent competition but it is deeply unfair these 5-minute famous people get all the glory.

                      Comment


                      • I'm glad there are some positive developments BD. Good news!

                        Comment

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